jesmel Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 A rea quick version of my story. Have been with my MM almost two years. Our anniversary is almost here and as I gift I am wanting a ring. Now, my question is, is it rational to want a committment from him, or does this sound as stupid as I think it does?
White Flower Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Need more information. Is he still with W? Are you willing to cut off sex for a month and see what happens? Wish I could say more, but need more info.
Art_Critic Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I don't think it is wrong to want a commitment from him.. Rational.. it depends.. You deserve a commitment.. yes you do.. after 2 years of being with him you have shown him some of yours.. But...he cannot stay committed to his wife and their marriage. Would you really want a true commitment from a man that isn't keeping his marriage commitment and commitment to his wife ?.. the affair is a window to his true colors.. I think you need to take the stance of Shiot or get off the pot and make him chose who he wants to be with.
Author jesmel Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Hi is still with his W. I have cut off sex, its been two weeks and I can continue to do so. He has been so attentive it is so funny to me. But, I guess menm are like that.
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Just my opinion, but getting a ring right now doesn't really make sense as he's in no position at the moment to be making you promises. That ring means committment and he isn't able to give you that UNTIL he gets divorced. I'd take it a step further and tell him you're giving him time and space so he can end his marriage. That means not talking to him and removing yourself from his life. As long as you stay in his life, even without the sex, he won't do anything. Why should he? Right now he has TWO women meeting all his needs.
Tower Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 A rea quick version of my story. Have been with my MM almost two years. Our anniversary is almost here and as I gift I am wanting a ring. Now, my question is, is it rational to want a committment from him, or does this sound as stupid as I think it does? Nope! In the same situation....2 weeks ago, he had a ring to give me and I would not take it......wish I had....his wife found out about us in August...she even filed for divorce unless he assured her I was totally out of the picture.......he tells me he is in love with both of us, but in different ways......he said he loves her for the children and their 29 years.....with me, he said it is totally different.....he said he can actually talk with me....he said he admires me for being my "own person".......he told me to give him until after the holidays.......he has both family obligations and business deals that will be finalized at year end....then he said he was leaving her.....I told him he was not being fair to me or her......We have actually tried to stop seeing each other and we can't.....after reading everything now I have read, I am scared and I'm probably wasting my time, but I can't stop thinking about him.......We were friends long before anything happened (10 years)...... Just as confused!
brothermartin Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Let me see if I've got this straight. You've been seeing a married man for two years, who is still married, and you want a commitment AND a ring from him. Was your question "is this stupid?"
Author jesmel Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 I know that this situation sounds stupid. But my feelings are not stupid. The rational side of me agrees with you but... here is the other side of me posting.
Pyro Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Just look at the facts. Its been two years and he hasn't even attempted to be committed to you and you only. He is having the best of both worlds right now I'm afraid.
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Emotionally and in your heart you DO deserve that ring...But it's unrealistic to get a ring from him until he divorces. What he is doing (and this goes for you as well Tower) is a crappy thing - Having two women, not being able to decide. So, take control of your life, as much as it may hurt, try to think about ending it. I mean, could you imagine being in the position you're in now for another 2 years?? It could very well happen as he has children (not sure if your MM has kids JM) and there will always be a reason why he can't leave quite just yet..
Art_Critic Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Of course your feelings are real.. there are also no wrong feelings.. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling love for a man you have spent 2 years with.. You mention the rational side of you.. Sometimes we should do what is right and good for us rather than following our heart. In the beginning you were following your heart also.. but after 2 years he is showing you his lack of commitment to you and to his wife.. Maybe you should start following your rational side and what that side says... whatever it says... Just my opinion...
Author jesmel Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Yes, he does have ome son. And, again, I know that there will always be a reason not to leave.
JMC Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Absolutely N O need to denigrate this poster or kick 'er while she's down. These kinds of situations aren't exactly heaven for anyone, dude.
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 JM, can I ask how old you are? I'm sure you want your own kids, to create your own family unit...Just be aware that IF (and it's a big IF) he does divorce, you will always have to deal with his (ex)wife forever as she is the mother of his child. Birthday's, Weddings, seeing her, talking to her...You will be a step mom to his child. So, with that being said, wouldn't you want to start off a life with him in a more honest way? It would be easier if he did the right thing, ended it with you UNTIL things got settled, so he can move on to be with you, without the emotional baggage, divorce done, some time gone by so he can heal, be alone for abit...He can't just end his marriage and pop into a new life with you like 123..Doesn't give your relationship ANY real foundation, let alone trust and faith. Bottomline is, if a man loves a woman enough, he'll move heaven and earth to be with her...2 years is a long time for no real movement on his behalf.
Art_Critic Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Absolutely N O need to denigrate this poster or kick 'er while she's down. These kinds of situations aren't exactly heaven for anyone, dude. Just who on this thread is doing that ?..
PLAYBRAT Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Was wondering the same thing AC....thought I had a brain fart or something..LOL
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Question asked: A rea quick version of my story. Have been with my MM almost two years. Our anniversary is almost here and as I gift I am wanting a ring. Now, my question is, is it rational to want a committment from him, or does this sound as stupid as I think it does? Question answered: Let me see if I've got this straight. You've been seeing a married man for two years, who is still married, and you want a commitment AND a ring from him. Was your question "is this stupid?" Is this rude? Maybe slightly, BM doesn't show any empathy, but then again JM asked 'does this sound stupid as I think it does?' So the guy answered..
Author jesmel Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 I did not think anthing that yall had to say was harsh. I appreciate all of you r opinions. This is just a hard situation I have put myself in.
JMC Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Just who on this thread is doing that ?.. You're right...just got a lil premature riled up, sorry.
Lyssa Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 A rea quick version of my story. Have been with my MM almost two years. Our anniversary is almost here and as I gift I am wanting a ring. Now, my question is, is it rational to want a committment from him, or does this sound as stupid as I think it does? It wouldn't be wrong for wanting a ring if he had divorce his W or was single. Nothing wrong in wanting a commitment from him either but the Q is why is he still with his W after 2 years with you?
GreenEyedLady Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I guess I have a different take on it... You should want him to give you a ring without you having to tell him you want it... As for why he's still with his W, that could be for a myriad of reasons... What is your R like? Do you think that the thought has even crossed his mind? Do you feel that he is committed to you? And as for cutting off the sex, I know I'd never punish myself like that...
frannie Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I think it's natural to want commitment, and a ring. But I would question the validity (if you know what I mean?) of such a commitment and token. How commited can he be to you while he's still married? i.e., what guarantees, what promises could go along with the ring..? Just something to think about.
NoIDidn't Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 What I don't understand is why a ring is considered a symbol of commitment. What kind of ring is it that you are wanting? Its just a piece of jewelry unless you tell him that it means commitment to you. And in that case, I doubt very seriously that you would get it if you start talking about wanting a commitment. Has he ever purchased you gifts like this before (expense)? It is a little irrational to ask a MM for a commitment, but I don't think that its because he is cheating but simply because he is already married.
scaredinlove Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 It is natural that you want commitment if you love him, rational to some extend. if he is married he cannot give you full commitment. I once too wanted a ring from MM but never asked. The ring doesn't mean much really. He is married to someone else. Does he talk about leaving her? What that ring will mean too you? I used to dream that he would give me one too...Now I don't even think of it anymore, it must be a phase or something.... good luck for you.
whichwayisup Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 The ring obviously didn't mean much to him when he put it on his wife's finger. just something to think about too..
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