ArtBreaker Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I'm really starting to wonder about this blanket salvation of no contact. I know everyone says "it's for YOU, it will make YOU feel better." Well guess what, no it hasn't. I have gone NC for over 3 months and I miss him WAY more than when we had limited contact. When we had limited contact and I was being polite, I found other men attractive, I didn't think about him so much. Now as I'm making effort, something that sucks in itself, to do this NC, all I do is think about him. I don't want to date anyone else. It's almost like reverse psychology. Also, I think it looks a little psycho to him. I can tell when guys have done NC with me and it's so annoying and unattractive. It's like they like me so much they can't even bare to talk to me. This is definatly NOT how I want to come accross to my ex. (I know it's about me, not him) but having it be about him a little bit actually saves my dignity and makes me feel better. Anyone else have a similar experience?
jamie2002 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 HI, I read you post and from my experience NC was the only way I could finally put the past in the past.. If you still have strong feelings for this person you will find that you will hang onto any hope they give you.. and giving them the power to contact you as they please and disturb your life when they want..which always puts you back to questioning why did they contact me and does this mean something more than friends bla bla bla.. By going NC it is not showing them a sign of weakness..its showing them that you are back in control and they can't toy with your heart anymore.. its a sign of strength and power..You are telling them that you had enough and that you are back in the drivers seat of your life.. This person is effecting your life even when you are not with him and i bet very much he knows this.. So if you look at other posts i think most people feel the same way..and yes it might take you sometime to stop thinking about him etc..but in time i promise you will.. the more distant you are the more distant he will become to you ..and his image also.. and that will give you the room for a new guy to really see the great girl and gift that he has.. dont waste your heart on a guy that doesnt see your worth..
bustertypsy Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Hi Art,and sorry for your troubles.I always accept that no two people are the same.But what I do find is that most people think in a similar fashion,knowing good from bad and all that,blah,blah,blah. If you don't believe in NC then I respect you for that.If being around your ex helps you to move on then so be it.I think the reason you miss him more during NC is because he is not around.If you are happy to be around him ok,but what happens when he meets somebody new? Will that effect you? If it doesn't then why would you miss him when doing NC.There seems to be a contradiction here.I just think you feel secure cos he is near you,but the real hurt will manifest itself when he moves on with another lady.Tell me this won't turn your world upside down and I will apologise.
carolinaboy Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I read your post and its peculiar that you're attracted to others while you have limited contact with your ex. If thats the case what made you go NC? It's tough but a little necessary. I think everyone goes NC with the hope that one day they CAN see that ex again and things will be smooth. No one wants to cut someone off all mechanical like. You just need time. You say when ex's did that to you in the past it was annoying and unattractive. Of course its annoying....you have no control over that person anymore. The "I like you so much I cant see you thing" is a little true and psycho, but its more of a "I like you so much I'll get messed up if I see you cos Im not over you" thing. IMO. Do what feels right and if you have no problem seeing him with other people and you dont want to get back together, break the NC. If you think youre not ready, then just try and move on.
empress Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 i know i cant compare with those ppl who doing NC for months, wheres my is only few days.. but.. i felt the same way as ART sometimes when i think of him.. a lot of nice memory coming out or some bad memory coming out when i am alone, or taking bus, it drives me crazy. seriously crazy. you know that you are trying to take control over yourself.. but yet you mind or heart just don't coorperate. i tried to think about the bad words he said to me, and but i still miss him badly.
kitkat289 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Well I guess itis what everybody goes through and we should not think that NC is NOT working out.Today is my 3rd day of NC,it sucks for sure but this time I will make it possible and my target is not to attend his call if he calls after a month,2months...anytime in future.I dont think I can move on in 3-4months or so,its going to be a little too hard for me and everyday I feel I cannot be in love with anybody else like this. He was my 1st bf and I was his 1st gf ever...2years is a long time and specially when its a LDR... every moment we had together becomes so much special.Till the last time we talked, he made me realise that he remembers those moments more than I and it felt sooo great when he reminded me of those precious moments.I feel even he cant ever stop loving me but with time,we will drift apart.I hope this NC works and above all, I hope I dont let the same things happen ever again now.I wont let him break NC so easily and he has to learn that this time its not him who would make any decisions, but he would depend on ME.If he wants to hear me, he will have to wait as long as I want,he will do ALL those things that I did and suffered.This time it would be him who will ANALYSE time and again and be sick of it!! All the best to all NC people.Never give up after you have put so much effort doing it! Whenever you feel low and think that he might be moving on well and must be seeing somebody,just think of the OPPOSITE.When your ex loves you truly,he cant move on no matter how much he dates and tries to get a life!He is also suffering.Keep going on until you feel better and out of their thoughts,out of that web and when you gain enough self-respect to not to let them contact you AT ANY COST!
oppath Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 My ex surely did not understand the whole "I can't be in contact with you right now." To her it was mean. A lot of people don't understand it, even if you say "it's not because I dislike you, but because I like you." Most people don't understand it until they go through it. No contact is not for everyone. For some people limited contact is the path. Do what is best for you. If being in contact is too painful, you can't do it. Most people advise no contact for that reason, because for most of us, it is too painful.
cant let go Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I can see what you are saying completely Art. The way my ex and I broke up was sudden and unexpected to me. I never thought that we were going to break up. we had some communication problems and we were both unhappy with some things outside of our relationship that we were bringing into the relationship even though they had little to do with our feelings for each other. i think deep down we both love each other but he doesn't believe that it is enough for the long haul. he wasn't willing to try to work on miscommunication and figuring out what each of us needed and supporting each other. since things weren't "easy" with me, he found someone else. it's been 2 months since we broke up and we are in contact actually talking to each other about once a week on average . and sometimes i see him but don't really talk to him more frequently when i am out to lunch since we work at the same company. i do find that when i talk to him i feel much better. our convos are usually light and friendly. but then suddenly he will get a little over defensive about things and he will start to distance himself and intentionally avoid me. when i'm not in contact with him i think about him more when i am alone and i miss him. he was my best friend and the only person in my life i have ever felt that comfortable with or strongly for. he told me that he thinks it is a strange transition and that he thought that i was uncomfortable around him , but i think the truth is that he is just uncomfortable around me. he does have a new girlfriend. for some reason, no matter how upbeat and friendly our conversations are, he seems to get a little weird every time. so then i grant him his space and i wait for then next time he feels comfortable enough to talk to me. I don't want him out of my life. NC is hard, but i'm not actually trying to enforce it. I'm resisting initiation of contact, but if he is around or if he starts to chat with me, i'm going to respond naturally. when i don't have any contact with him for a while, i start to miss him. keep in mind, we may have only been together for 14 months, but we were friends for 4 months before that and we saw each other everyday. we lived together for a year and worked together, so we were literally never apart a second of the day. so in ways it felt like we were together for a few years and our relationship was marriage-like in the way we would make decisions and spend time together. so, it's a really tough transition. even though i don't really believe that we are better apart. i do accept that we are apart now. i do think that nc is good advice if you want to get over some one in the fastest manner. but you have to be ready for nc and you have to truly want it. i am not and i do not. i'm just one example.
Recommended Posts