plainoldjared Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Hi kids, I havent been to LS in about 3 weeks. I took 2 weeks off work with a week of work in between. OH very much needed vacation and YES it is finally raining Anyhow, I wanted to give everyone a little update. I ended up hanging out for 4 consecutive days with my lady friend it was fun and we had a great time and to make a long story short Im relieved to be out of my last relationship. In the little time Ive known this new girl I realized how crappy my last relationship was. I really like her Im very attracted to her, we've gotten pretty hot and kiss A LOT and Im ready to take it further physically. I want to cook a special dinner tonight, Ive been taking lessons and would like to invite her over and would like her to spend the night with me. Heres my problem we arent in a relationship we just started dating a few weeks ago so I dont want to disrespect her or cross any lines but I dont want to ruin the mood by being blunt. So my question, would you be hurt or upset that I wanted to have sex with you even though we arent in a relationship and are just dating? I mean would you be upset that I didnt ask you to be in a relationship and instead wanted to get intimate with you? Its not that I dont want to be in a relationship with her its that I dont know her well enough yet to commit like that but Ive been spending time with her and am trying to get to know her...
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Hi kids, I havent been to LS in about 3 weeks. I took 2 weeks off work with a week of work in between. OH very much needed vacation and YES it is finally raining Anyhow, I wanted to give everyone a little update. I ended up hanging out for 4 consecutive days with my lady friend it was fun and we had a great time and to make a long story short Im relieved to be out of my last relationship. In the little time Ive known this new girl I realized how crappy my last relationship was. I really like her Im very attracted to her, we've gotten pretty hot and kiss A LOT and Im ready to take it further physically. I want to cook a special dinner tonight, Ive been taking lessons and would like to invite her over and would like her to spend the night with me. Heres my problem we arent in a relationship we just started dating a few weeks ago so I dont want to disrespect her or cross any lines but I dont want to ruin the mood by being blunt. So my question, would you be hurt or upset that I wanted to have sex with you even though we arent in a relationship and are just dating? I mean would you be upset that I didnt ask you to be in a relationship and instead wanted to get intimate with you? Its not that I dont want to be in a relationship with her its that I dont know her well enough yet to commit like that but Ive been spending time with her and am trying to get to know her... I generally don't sleep with guys until I am in a relationship with them..but thats just my style. My question is, why do you have to sleep with her to get to know her better? Couldn't you just date a little some more and get to know her, THEN when you are ready to get into a relationship you could sleep together..it would be more special that way too. Anyway, to answer your question, yes I would be upset if a guy wanted to have sex with me when we weren't in a relationship..and yes they have tried and I have always told them i wanted to wait. Maybe this girl doesn't feel that way about it, I mean you can try to sleep with her if thats what you want, but she may turn you down, she may not. I would try to get to know her better before going there.
tanbark813 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 So my question, would you be hurt or upset that I wanted to have sex with you even though we arent in a relationship and are just dating? I'm flattered, bro, but I'm straight. But in all seriousness, don't worry about it. I've never had a girl get mad for wanting sex before getting into a relationship. Most people operate that way anyway.
Author plainoldjared Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 I generally don't sleep with guys until I am in a relationship with them..but thats just my style. My question is, why do you have to sleep with her to get to know her better? Couldn't you just date a little some more and get to know her, THEN when you are ready to get into a relationship you could sleep together..it would be more special that way too. Anyway, to answer your question, yes I would be upset if a guy wanted to have sex with me when we weren't in a relationship..and yes they have tried and I have always told them i wanted to wait. Maybe this girl doesn't feel that way about it, I mean you can try to sleep with her if thats what you want, but she may turn you down, she may not. I would try to get to know her better before going there. Thank you for responding I appreciate your point of view. Its not that I feel like I need to sleep with her to get to know her better I think that sexual compatability is important though. I do however really like her and dont want to risk offending her. I dont think shes the type that would judge me after one incident so I should probably tell her how I feel and see what she says. The thing is that I didnt want to make it so structured I wanted to go with the flow and make it special and if shes not ready thats totally ok I wouldnt be hurt AT ALL. Thanks again for your response, like I mentioned above I really like her and dont want to risk anything so I think I'll continue with the plan, but not tonight thats just too soon I need to really think things over, and hope that she doesnt take it the wrong way, I think Ive presented my intentions to her honestly and Im not a jerk who just wants sex and I hope she gets that also.
Author plainoldjared Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 I'm flattered, bro, but I'm straight. But in all seriousness, don't worry about it. I've never had a girl get mad for wanting sex before getting into a relationship. Most people operate that way anyway. HAHA!! Fu**er I guess I'll have to move on Thats what I figured but some of the ladies in my office said I might "offend" her. I'd rather go with my instinct than act unnatural so I'll follow your advice... Thank you brother
Jilly Bean Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 would you be hurt or upset that I wanted to have sex with you even though we arent in a relationship and are just dating? You're joking about the question, right? Look at it this way, Jared. The kind of girl who won't be upset about bedding you with no relationship or exclusivity/commitment, is not the kind of girl you would want to have said relationship with anyway, right? Because you have to understand if she would screw you that easily with no mention of a relationship, then she's sure as **** screwing other guys at the same time. So, it's up to you. If you want to screw her and keep it casual, then do. If you want it to develop into more, then give it more time, and have a talk about your romantic goals.
underpants Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Rushing the intimacy will not improve the relationship. More then likely you two will just feel kind of strange afterward. Perhaps you can use this evening to learn more about each other and to validate where you two are at. Is she the only person you are seeing (I guess with 4 days in a row?) Are you the only person she is seeing? Maybe discuss some core needs and get a vibe on how she objectively sees some of those things? If you still like her after some chit chat then you could let her know that you enjoy your time with her and are growing very attracted to her. That you respect her and when and if she feels the same you would enjoy taking things to the next level when she is ready.
LiveKhaos Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 You're joking about the question, right? Look at it this way, Jared. The kind of girl who won't be upset about bedding you with no relationship or exclusivity/commitment, is not the kind of girl you would want to have said relationship with anyway, right? Because you have to understand if she would screw you that easily with no mention of a relationship, then she's sure as **** screwing other guys at the same time. So, it's up to you. If you want to screw her and keep it casual, then do. If you want it to develop into more, then give it more time, and have a talk about your romantic goals. Haha...! Seriously though, screwing before a relationship not the best way to start developing your relationship at all, take it from someone who's been there... What if you screw and because its TOO EARLY you don't emotionally connect like you would if you would have established a relationship before hand... You probably might kick her to the curb, her like wise... And if she gives it up so soon and so quick, I would personally not be attracted to her intellectually.. Its happened to me before...but thats just me... I would say wait, you already said that you wouldn't have any problem waiting so why not play it "safe"... You seem like a nice guy, bro. thats why I'm giving you this advice...you can take it however you can...
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 It's interesting how the guys say, "go for it" while the girls say "wait, and develop a relationship."
Jilly Bean Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I love it when guys call each other "bro" when they are discussing relationships (or anything beyond sports, sex or work). You guys did it twice in this thread.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I love it when guys call each other "bro" when they are discussing relationships (or anything beyond sports, sex or work). You guys did it twice in this thread. lol, yeah my boyfriend does that stuff with his friends..it's a guy thing i guess. And notice the Jared decided to take his "bro's" advice, instead of all the girls saying that he should wait and get to know her better. MEN!
underpants Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 It's interesting how the guys say, "go for it" while the girls say "wait, and develop a relationship." I noticed this as well. Kind of funny. Jared sometimes girls will refrain from shaving their legs to ensure no intimacy. I think you should shave your ...area. Then in the time it takes for it to grow back you will be ready to enter the sexual phase. Of course you will continue to date and get to know her during this growth stage. (try not to scratch). Just some crazy advice. Go forth young grasshopper.
Jilly Bean Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I think you should shave your ...area. Then in the time it takes for it to grow back you will be ready to enter the sexual phase. Of course you will continue to date and get to know her during this growth stage. (try not to scratch). Just some crazy advice. Go forth young grasshopper. That is some very interesting manscaping advice, there. But, couldn't he just do a nice trim before the big event? It would avoid the need for the full shave-down...
Jilly Bean Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 And notice the Jared decided to take his "bro's" advice, instead of all the girls saying that he should wait and get to know her better. MEN! LOL - and the surprise would be... Can't blame the guy, really. Hey, at least he cared enough to even ask the question. Shows at least he is pausing and considering options...
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 LOL - and the surprise would be... Can't blame the guy, really. Hey, at least he cared enough to even ask the question. Shows at least he is pausing and considering options... Very true, it does show he has character for doing that. Jared, I think you should just go with the flow with no expectations about sex. Just get to know her and let it happen naturally. If you try and she says no, she isn't ready, then respect her wishes until she is ready.
Pyro Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Hi kids, I havent been to LS in about 3 weeks. I took 2 weeks off work with a week of work in between. OH very much needed vacation and YES it is finally raining Anyhow, I wanted to give everyone a little update. I ended up hanging out for 4 consecutive days with my lady friend it was fun and we had a great time and to make a long story short Im relieved to be out of my last relationship. In the little time Ive known this new girl I realized how crappy my last relationship was. I really like her Im very attracted to her, we've gotten pretty hot and kiss A LOT and Im ready to take it further physically. I want to cook a special dinner tonight, Ive been taking lessons and would like to invite her over and would like her to spend the night with me. Heres my problem we arent in a relationship we just started dating a few weeks ago so I dont want to disrespect her or cross any lines but I dont want to ruin the mood by being blunt. So my question, would you be hurt or upset that I wanted to have sex with you even though we arent in a relationship and are just dating? I mean would you be upset that I didnt ask you to be in a relationship and instead wanted to get intimate with you? Its not that I dont want to be in a relationship with her its that I dont know her well enough yet to commit like that but Ive been spending time with her and am trying to get to know her... You don't have to be blunt about it, but you can still get your point across to her. If she is ready, then good for you, but if she's not ready, then she may grow skeptical of you and think that you may only want her for sex. Your job would then be to prove her wrong and show her that you like her for her. IMO, no need to rush a good thing, but you should find out if she is exclusively dating you and no one else.
tanbark813 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 lol, yeah my boyfriend does that stuff with his friends..it's a guy thing i guess. And notice the Jared decided to take his "bro's" advice, instead of all the girls saying that he should wait and get to know her better. MEN! Because unless you're a lesbian, I have more experience dating women than you do.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Because unless you're a lesbian, I have more experience dating women than you do. Yeah, but he asked for LADIES perspective, not his "bro's"!
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Am I the only person who'd be extremely turned off by a guy I don't even know well enough to date asking point blank for sex? I think it comes off as kind of desperate.
Jilly Bean Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Because unless you're a lesbian, I have more experience dating women than you do. LOL. And this qualifies you to give a woman's perspective? Hey, I've had plenty of c**k in my life, but I wouldn't even begin to tell you what it feels like to get kicked in the nuts...
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Am I the only person who'd be extremely turned off by a guy I don't even know well enough to date asking point blank for sex? I think it comes off as kind of desperate. I totally agree..I would be very turned off if some dude just asked me if I wanted to have sex. Usually guys will try before a relationship develops, but I've never had a guy flat out say "I know we aren't in a relationship, but do you mind if we have sex anyway?" I have no clue what I'd do if that ever happened!
tanbark813 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 LOL. And this qualifies you to give a woman's perspective? I never gave a woman's perspective. I gave a man's perspective. I've been with my fair share of women and not one was offended by my wanting to sleep with her. It's kind of like how almost all women say they wouldn't sleep with a guy on a first date but 90% of them still do.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I never gave a woman's perspective. I gave a man's perspective. I've been with my fair share of women and not one was offended by my wanting to sleep with her. It's kind of like how almost all women say they wouldn't sleep with a guy on a first date but 90% of them still do. I DON'T!!!!
Jilly Bean Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 "I know we aren't in a relationship, but do you mind if we have sex anyway?" You'd think he had zero game...
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I never gave a woman's perspective. I gave a man's perspective. I've been with my fair share of women and not one was offended by my wanting to sleep with her. It's kind of like how almost all women say they wouldn't sleep with a guy on a first date but 90% of them still do. What's your target population for that absurd claim? Prostitutes?
Recommended Posts