dazie11 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 My husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years we have a 2 year old and one on the way. He usually lies about a small things, like yesterday I found a gambling receipt which my 2 year old handed me:laugh: after he said he was going to a comedy show with his folks who were in town. It was an Indian casino, they did go to the show and we had agreed previously that he would not gamble since we had just went to Vegas the week before and he lost about a grand in an hour. He assured me that would never happen again. Well when I found the receipt yesterday and confronted him he first turned it around and tried to make it seem like my fault (like usual), then he became very apologetic. That is just the most recent lie, if I wrote each one down for the past 3 years I'd have a book. I have a career of my own now and can support myself and kids so I am considering seperation. We have done marraige counseling for months but it all seems to go in one ear and out the other with him. He doesn't do drugs, drink, and I am pretty sure he is faithful, NOW. I say "now" because when we first got married he was deployed to Iraq 2 weeks later and it wasn't until his 2nd deployment when he asked me to check his email and I found emails from strange women, nothing too sexual but still calling eachother "sexy" and "hottie", to make things worse he had an ad in Yahoo! Personals listing himself as single and available with him asking "wanna meet me?" along with other mumbo jumbo. This all happened six months after we were married, the lenght of the deployment. His excuse was that all the other guys were doing it and that he just wanted people to talk to. I didn't buy it. I eventually forgave him for the sake of the baby in my belly at the time and having no job, etc. Then a few months after the baby was born I found a condom in his wallet. He said it had been in his wallet since before were married which I know was a lie because I got him a new wallet previously and changed it out for him, never saw a condom. Anyway any advice on how to leave. He always swears up and down that he will change but the lies keep coming. Am I overreacting? Thanks!
sweet_31_woman Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 By no means are you over-reacting!!! I too am in the same boat. It sounds like he can't tell you the truth, and if he knows that you are looking to leave he will do everything to convince you to stay, including lying. People say that counseling is last resort, and if that still don't work maybe it is time to go. Otherwise it is all a waste of time energy, and money. Because I am here too, I don't feel that I can help a lot. Maybe you should seek counseling alone to help you figure out your best interestin stead of the two of your interest.
greenizs8 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 wow what you just wrote sounds like a chapter out of my life with my x husband minus having kids. same stuff though, the lying about stupid stuff i use to ask him if he just lied for the sake of lying. he would lie about everything including his cheat but he was so bad at keeping it all underwraps it always comes out. and he too was in the military and gave me that stupid excuse well my friends made me do it... i can not see a bunch of guys sitting around a computer creating personals for each other, that to me is just a copout. We too tried counseling but theres no point if your going with a liar because they start to believe their own lies and make you feel like your ging crazy and then you start to move from the victim to the villian for asking/acusing them even though they are in the wrong. its such mental mind games it litterly wears you out. I dont want to tell you to leave him but until he can come full circle with admiting hes a liar its hard to move foward.
Author dazie11 Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Thanks ladies. It is nice to know that I'm not alone, too bad the circumstances suck. The mind games are very tiring. I feel like the life I had planned is going down a black hole. When my parents were divorced it was so hurtful I would hate to have my kids go through that, but I also don't want them to see us fight. Anyway, I think seeing a counselor by ourselves will be my last attempt.
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