ImThinkingWTF Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 As a girl, when I 1st start dating someone, I enjoy talking to them on the phone. Not necessarily everyday but, frequently. And, Im in a situation right now whereas we dont talk on the phone other than to make plans and the conversations are always less than 15 min. In every relationship that I have ever been in, I can remember talking on the phone for hours on end and not ever running out of things to say. When you are 1st starting to date someone...and you are not a "couple" How often do you talk to them on the phone? Do you call just because or do you call to make specific plans? Would you be put off by only talking on the phone to make plans? The person I am talking to now is great in person and the conversation flows well. Its just that, I would be more comfortable if the contact was more frequent and lasted longer. Am I needy for feeling this way? Would it be inappropriate and way too soon to say something? Do you feel like things should just flow naturally? I feel as though, when I am digging someone, I want to talk to them often. If they arent calling me as often as I would like to be calling them, I start to feel that they arent interested. We are about to have our 4th "date" this weekend...is it too soon to say something? If things dont start to progress should I just throw in the towel? I mean.....even if you HATE talking on the phone.....wouldnt you make the effort if you actually liked the person? or is setting up times to see each other sufficient?
truckdriving Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 it does seem a little strange that he doesnt talk to you on the phone. When I am "digging" some one I cant wait to talk to them even if its on the phone. But for you its a little soon for you to be too worried, if it doesnt change in a week or so then you need to say something to him.
BeautifulMystique Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I was introduced to my ex by his siblings. We sms each other a lot for the first week and it continued over the phone. Every day that would last up to 3 or 5 hours. That happened even before we reached the 3rd date! We were together for 3 years and the phone calls/smses didn't decrease - at all! The same thing happened (sms and phone calls) with another guy I was interested in but didn't get too serious. I would call just because I wanted to hear his voice. The conversation would be about anything and everything. Nothing specific. I wouldn't say I would be put off. For me, it would be enough just to hear his voice even if it was just to make plans. Personally, I don't think you're needy because it is important to communicate with one each other but if that only happened in person then it's not that fulfilling. Do you think he would freak out if you bring this up? Some guys don't think it is such a big deal. I have a guy friend who doesn't like to sms any girl, he prefers to talk over the phone... there is also one friend of mine whom would only text but would wait to talk in person.
Phateless Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 A lot of guys have been taught to behave this way on the phone at first becuase we don't want to fall into the friend zone. If he's being careful to keep things this way, it's probably because he likes you.
JackOfClubs Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Personally, I think the phone is a poor substitute for face-to-face conversation whether your relationship is in full swing or whether the two of you are just beginning to get to know each other. Unless you're in an LDR, the primary reason for the phone IMHO is to check the status of your darling or, indeed, to plan for the next time you two can be together. While other people can certainly have deep, meaningful communication over the phone, for me it's just as impersonal as E-mail, text messaging, or even webcam. There's just nothing like being able to touch, see, smell, and perhaps even taste your woman while talking. Every nonverbal cue--and if you believe in ESP, every psychic nuance--is just so much richer in person. Any time spent together is important. But hours in each other's company are preferred to hours back and forth over the phone. Long phone calls just mean higher phone bills.
Leia Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Personally, I think the phone is a poor substitute for face-to-face conversation whether your relationship is in full swing or whether the two of you are just beginning to get to know each other. Unless you're in an LDR, the primary reason for the phone IMHO is to check the status of your darling or, indeed, to plan for the next time you two can be together. While other people can certainly have deep, meaningful communication over the phone, for me it's just as impersonal as E-mail, text messaging, or even webcam. There's just nothing like being able to touch, see, smell, and perhaps even taste your woman while talking. Every nonverbal cue--and if you believe in ESP, every psychic nuance--is just so much richer in person. Any time spent together is important. But hours in each other's company are preferred to hours back and forth over the phone. Long phone calls just mean higher phone bills. This is the funniest thing I've read here so far. Ok not really but still funny. You're not a woman so I don't think you understand why OP feels it's a bit unusual for the guy she's dating doesn't seem to want to talk on the phone often. Some people can actually afford higher phone bills. ImThinkingWTF, your guy is probably like what Phateless said, he's taking his time so that he won't fall into the friend zone.
shadowplay Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Some people just aren't phone people. My bf and I talk for hours online but we rarely have extended conversations over the phone because neither of us likes using the phone for this purpose.
Phateless Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Sometimes it can be a lot of fun to stay up at all hours of the night in intimate conversation while getting to know someone. I love doing that... but sometimes I'm just plain too busy or I don't want to come on too strong because I'm afraid of scaring her off. WTF - why don't you call him at night just to talk... you never know, he might be into it.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 I called him on wednesday...and the conversation was really short. I asked him to do something this weekend...and though he made time to see me...i still feel weird. He didnt have to make time for me but.........I dunno. Do guys ever do that if they arent into someone? Also, He has two jobs and usually doesnt get home until 930 at night and goes to bed an hour after that to get up again early the next morning. and I dont want to make excuses for him, maybe its too soon to worry about this kind of thing, maybe he really is too busy....but, something just doesnt seem right... he told me from day 1 that he is only able to see me on the weekends because of his schedule. I just feel like...a text every now and then would be good too, and damn, i know he has SOME time to give me a call just to chat.
WIGIRL Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Some people have nothing to say over the phone. Some of my friends think I'm rude on the phone because when I'm done saying what I had to say - the call is over. I can hear silence without going through the annoying motion of holding the phone to my ear. The extra problem with that is my cell phone has gotten smaller and smaller for each year that passes. It has now become the same as balancing a toothpick between my ear and sholder. It's near impossible! Screw that. Let's go do something if you want to talk.
Heavenly55 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I called him on wednesday...and the conversation was really short. I asked him to do something this weekend...and though he made time to see me...i still feel weird. He didnt have to make time for me but.........I dunno. Do guys ever do that if they arent into someone? Also, He has two jobs and usually doesnt get home until 930 at night and goes to bed an hour after that to get up again early the next morning. and I dont want to make excuses for him, maybe its too soon to worry about this kind of thing, maybe he really is too busy....but, something just doesnt seem right... he told me from day 1 that he is only able to see me on the weekends because of his schedule. I just feel like...a text every now and then would be good too, and damn, i know he has SOME time to give me a call just to chat. You're sure there isn't someone else in the picture? I mean I know most guys are not into the phone but I disagree with the other posters. Any guy friends I have ever had were the ones I would speak to on the phone now and then or to make plans only. For me, and I am as busy as him, talking on the phone to someone I am wanting to get to know is my communication if I am not able to be with them in person. I have been talking to a guy now on the phone for like an hr at a time and we haven't even met yet lol. If someone is calling nonstop several times a day, yes that is too much, but I think it is only normal to call someone a few times a week to chat, see how the other person is doing not just to make plans. I find that odd.
Phateless Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Everybody is different. If he's as busy as you say he is, making time for you at all is a big deal. Don't read too much into this until you know him better. Worry more about the time you spend together than the phone calls you think he should be making. Seriously, he's probably just trying not to come on too strong.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 not sure if someone else is in the picture or not. if so, its not serious. and thats not my concern anyway, we arent exculsive. as for what phateless said, you might be right. and i am glad that he made time for me. i knew going into this that he was busy as hell...i guess i just need to chill out.
LovesDog Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Even though I am a girl, I can assure you that there is noone else. He is just really BUSY! He works a lot, he's probably pretty tired during the week. Be happy that he wants to see you. He is going out with YOU! You are his girl right now and maybe will be in the future. You aren't going to die tomorrow; so just let it go slowly. You will appreciate getting to know him this way better. I have had several boyfriends that don't talk much on the phone, they just get the point done and that's it. I've had others that won't shut up! For just over a month, I've been dating a guy (tomorrow is date 11 but who's counting) and we started off way too fast. I wanted it all, but when he backed off, it gave me time to reevaluate. I am in a better place now and not so insecure. And heck, everyone told me not to call. I finally called and he was really happy to hear from me. Point being, take your time, because you might scare him off if you are too demanding early on. It almost happened to me.
Phateless Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Even though I am a girl, I can assure you that there is noone else. He is just really BUSY! He works a lot, he's probably pretty tired during the week. Be happy that he wants to see you. He is going out with YOU! You are his girl right now and maybe will be in the future. You aren't going to die tomorrow; so just let it go slowly. You will appreciate getting to know him this way better. I have had several boyfriends that don't talk much on the phone, they just get the point done and that's it. I've had others that won't shut up! For just over a month, I've been dating a guy (tomorrow is date 11 but who's counting) and we started off way too fast. I wanted it all, but when he backed off, it gave me time to reevaluate. I am in a better place now and not so insecure. And heck, everyone told me not to call. I finally called and he was really happy to hear from me. Point being, take your time, because you might scare him off if you are too demanding early on. It almost happened to me. lol, I think I was the one who told you to call, wasn't i? See, WTF - if there's anything we can all learn from this, it's that I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! lol, but seriously, when my dad and I talk on the phone, we get more accomplished in 30 seconds than my mom and i do in 5 minutes.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 lol, I think I was the one who told you to call, wasn't i? See, WTF - if there's anything we can all learn from this, it's that I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! lol, but seriously, when my dad and I talk on the phone, we get more accomplished in 30 seconds than my mom and i do in 5 minutes. okay...well maaaaybe you were right. I saw him this weekend(my suggestion) and on tuesday(his idea). I know he is interested in me...obviously. Im just getting too happy about it and too into him. sooo...i have a date with someone else tonight...to keep my mind off of him i guess. things have just always happened faster in my other relationships...and this guy is so far...a really good fit for me--aside from the communication. I did send him an email wednesday about something we were talking about and i saw that he read it but he didnt respond. i hate that crap.
maynicholas Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 I did send him an email wednesday about something we were talking about and i saw that he read it but he didnt respond. i hate that crap. Ooooh I hate that too!
Phateless Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 okay...well maaaaybe you were right. I saw him this weekend(my suggestion) and on tuesday(his idea). I know he is interested in me...obviously. Im just getting too happy about it and too into him. sooo...i have a date with someone else tonight...to keep my mind off of him i guess. things have just always happened faster in my other relationships...and this guy is so far...a really good fit for me--aside from the communication. I did send him an email wednesday about something we were talking about and i saw that he read it but he didnt respond. i hate that crap. Well good for you! I think you're doing the right thing. I can definitely relate about wanting to slow my own feelings down, and it's often a huge benefit when you do. It sounds like you're used to being pursued and this is a little more even, which is also good. Not responding to emails right away is something I'm always guilty of. It doesn't mean I don't like the girl, it just means I'm a procrastinator (see my other thread, lol). Keep us posted and let us know how things go.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 How often do you talk to them on the phone? I usually like to speak to someone evry other day the most. I feel like if we both have a lot in common and love talking to each other , then y not Do you call just because or do you call to make specific plans? I call just because.. also I feel like you can say more and express yourself more where as if you were in person. Plus who like to just sit for hours at a time in person and just talk to someone in person.. an couple hours yea, but if the phone conversation is going great most people would spend about three or more hours conversing. Would you be put off by only talking on the phone to make plans? yes!!! this one guy who I use to talk to always said that he wasnt a phone person. and he wasnt.. he would always make the initiative to call and see how im doing, but the conversation would draaaaaag!! it would feel like we have been talking for hours and I would look at the time and only 10 minutes had passed. We covered everything in 10 mins...!!! it was so bad we asked stupid questions like what you eat for lunch.. lol Lastly, i dont think you are needy for feeling this way, tell that person that you would like to speak to them a little more over the phone. try to ask probing questions and maybe they would start to come around,
MystifiedByMen Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Personally, I think the phone is a poor substitute for face-to-face conversation whether your relationship is in full swing or whether the two of you are just beginning to get to know each other. Unless you're in an LDR, the primary reason for the phone IMHO is to check the status of your darling or, indeed, to plan for the next time you two can be together. While other people can certainly have deep, meaningful communication over the phone, for me it's just as impersonal as E-mail, text messaging, or even webcam. There's just nothing like being able to touch, see, smell, and perhaps even taste your woman while talking. Every nonverbal cue--and if you believe in ESP, every psychic nuance--is just so much richer in person. Any time spent together is important. But hours in each other's company are preferred to hours back and forth over the phone. Long phone calls just mean higher phone bills. Good point of the phone bill. I'm a girl and wouldn't mind talking, but I don't want to go over my minutes so I keep it short too. Which I do every month!! Grrrr!
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 wellllll he responded to my email last night and i havent written him back yet. honestly, im tired and im starting to feel insecure. He posted a survey bulletin on myspace last night about relationships...one question was about if you could go back in time and change things so you could be with one of your exes would you and he said yes! and basically answers most of the questions like his heart is still broken. how do i pursue that???? i dont even think i can.
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