asilisa Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Hello everyone, I haven't posted in a few days because I've been so busy with school. I had my exit interivew on Tuesday and passed...so I will be graduating which is exciting. Too bad that I can't enjoy it right now. I've done a stupid thing and I don't even know if coping is where I should post this. I feel like such a failure. Well since Thanksgiving my ex has been sending me text messages every day. He even admitted that he was just trying to make up reasons to text me. So I was dealing with it very well and I was keeping my head up, not letting him get to me. Well, last night the "I miss you" stuff starts and he finally asked me to come over and hang out. I did. It was probably the worst thing I could have ever done. I'm def. not back at square one but I feel like crap. It has been a month since we broke up and I had made such progress so why did I give into him? Even on my way over there I knew it was a bad idea. He tells me not to over think everything and just enjoy the time we get to spend together. I know what this means...he wants to see me when it works for him...or he is lonely or whatever. I know what I need to do so I'm not really here to get advice (although you can give it if you'd like) just to talk about my disappointment in myself. I know I'm good enough and deserve to be loved and respected so why do I do this to myself? Why fall for all of his lies? I guess I'm just at a loss of words and hurt. Why did I set myself up to be hurt? I'm scared that I'll never get over him...
Jmina Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Some words of encouragement. We have all done it someway or another, whether we ring them, visit them, email them we get disapointed or heartbroken again. Just use this time as a lesson and gain what you can from it. Don't feel angry with yourself!!! Your only human! It was meant to happen that you went there. Just keep doing what you were doing to help you heal stay in NC. You can do it. This is just a bump in the road and if you can get through it by being kind to yourself you will have gained that inner strength that you didnt have yet as you were driving to his house. Look. life, your feelings, your emotions... will get better. the world on your shoulders will come off. The best you can do now is accept that you feel so terrible, and wait for it to pass by getting in touch with other things. Nature, your job, yourself. You get the idea. Take Care Jmina
Sw3etdev1L Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Come on!!!! you already got over him once, he obviously doesnt make you 100% happy. You are going to get over him, it is just the fact that he called and he disturbed your mind a bit..But so what??? that doesn't mean anything...maybe that's just what he wanted...or, whatever it is not what he wants, it is what YOU want.....and you were happy because you ARE graduating. Come on!!! that's a huge deal....huge personal progress, why should you be sad or grieving against your EX. EX means past....graduation means progress....see???
MattyTee Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Congratulations on the graduation A! You went because a part of you wanted to see him, and that's okay. Don't think of it as a failure, think of it as another way to show yourself how strong you are. You'll get past it, as devil says: "You did it once, you'll do it again." Something I found was that as soon as I started to feel better I would "go back for some more" because I wasn't entirely sure what to do with myself when I felt happy and that I was moving on. Just thought I would mention as it was interesting to notice that in myself - not saying you are doing that here I'm sending you lots of "Go go go" wishes
Author asilisa Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I guess I know I can get past this once again it just sucks that I'm kinda back to square one. I now have that hope back in my heart...the hope that I let go of. It's as if he knew that I was letting go and moving on...now where am I? He is still contacting me to say hello or good night but not as he was before. I really want to stop letting him play with my heart so why can't I? Because part of me hopes he still wants me. The hope is killing me because I really did rid myself of it and now it's back and I hate it. I gave him what he wanted and now he is in control once again...I need to gain control but my mind won't let me. What does he want? MattyTee I was happy to see you Hope you are doing well. I saw your post about not coming on LS so much anymore so I wish you luck with that. You've given me many words of wisdom and for that I am grateful. Good Luck
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