wildtka Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 First of all I would like to say hi to everyone! I have read many post here and those posts are some of what gets me through the day to day. Here is my situation with the W. I have been married for 7 years together for 10. I am 29 she is 28 almost 29. We have a beautiful 8 year old daughter together. Our marriage was pretty good untill about 1.5 years ago. My wife started seeing friends she had only seen since highschool and she started going over to there houses more and out the bars. As time went along she went out more and more and it came to the point that she was gone a night back a couple and than gone again. I am realizing now that I enabled this and shoulda put and end to it than. Anyways I didn't and it got even more problamatic untill I found out about 9 months ago that my W was using drugs and she finally told me. At the same time she had a friend that was male and she told me he was just a friend so I trusted her. Anyways I took her to drug treatment and she has been drug free ever since. Things were fine after she returned home for about 2 months and than she started being gone again. The lies got more elaborate and the trust was brookin. I have found out since that she was dating another man the so called friend while still being married to me and now that she has sorta brooken it off with him I have noticed a major spike in the phone bill to a number out of state. I confronted her on this very nicely and she said it was just another male friend. This person is on her myspace page(I believe myspace is the devil to married relationship that are having hard times). We decided to seperated so that we can see which was to proceed in the marraige whether is be divorce or reconcoliation.I love her dearly ,but the heartbreak is pretty powerfull. We have been seperated two weeks and we set some groundrules not to date because really just in my opinion is that if you date while being seperated than you might as well not even work on yourself or the marriage. Anyways I still find my self even though seperated wondering what she is doing. Is she ok and who is she out with today.She says she loves me and misses me but I believe it to be a front. I went to the guy she calls all the times myspace page and at the bottom it has my wifes name and that he hopes to marry her. Now if that doesn't make you say what the hell! So that makes her in a relationship with 3 at the same time! I am going to ride it out though and for 3 months work on myself and spend as much time healing and spending time with my daughter. My daughter is staying with me at the house why my wife lives who knows where. We are suppose to communicate once daily but I end up being the one to call or start the conversation. I guess I am asking should I refrain from contacting her? Let her contact me? I try and let her know how her daughter is doing but she is in her own world now free from me and free from the responsibility of a child. I guess right now I am more hurt that she won't see our daughter. Another question is how can you break the cheat cycle or can you? I am a pretty emotional man that trys and does the little things. Right now I am trying to be a great dad. The bad thing about the seperation is right now I feel that our marriage will never work and than other days I feel it will. Somedays I feel lonely and other days I feel that this being single isn't half bad. Any thoughts comments, concerns are welcome.
sumdude Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 All you can do is take good care of yourself and children. At this point live your life as if you expect this to end in a divorce. If somehow it doesn't then it would be a good surprise.. Be decent to your wife but distant, don't talk about your marriage, don't ask her how she feels about things. Really just try your best to let it all go... not easy I know. A very similar thing happened to a good freind of mine. When he met his ex wife she was just about 17. They were together about 10 years or so. Had a boy who was about 4 at the time when she started doing the same sorts of things. She got into drugs, couldn't be trusted with money and was in affairs. She hid the affairs until even after the drug treatment for quite some time.. I think mainly becuse my freind kept taking care of her financially and otherwise. It does look as though your wife may be finished with the marriage ... sorry... but you never know... you can either wait it out or move on. The better choice is to start moving on with your life. Your wife will either want to be part of it or not and that is her choice and something you have little to no control over. But you can't wait around forever while she decides.. life is short. Good luck..
Author wildtka Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 Just a little update. I have sent my wife an email saying that I won't contact her anymore during the seperation. We were suppose to talk once daily and that didn't work so I figured why talk at all. That was a hard thing to do. I also told her that I don't regret the years of good time and memories we had. I hope saying that was a good move. I also told her that I still love her and that someday we can maybe be back together ,but I respect her decision either way. I hope all those were good moves. I tell you what though I am learning alot about myself all ready and about what my role in all of this madness is. When something was good at one time usually both players had a role in making it go sour. Untill next time thanks for listening.
BestAdvisor1 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 A woman who's a drug user and cheater is definately a deal breaker. You better be careful about STDs and HIV.
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