brothermartin Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Its been over 2 months now and I'm still mad at her! I just cant seem to shake this! All I do is think about how she dumped me and hurt me and nothing I do seems to help me deal with the negative emotions I keep feeling about her, and now about OTHER women too! I have this friend that is looking for a relationship, but she knows I'm still too messed up and scared so she's not pushing me to commit. But I think it's causing these feelings to surface. The thought of being in a relationship or being pursued for a relationship makes me really angry and,...now Im ranting. What can I do? Some one please help!! Link to post Share on other sites
randuff Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Man I only wish I entered the anger stage. I just keep making excuses for why she did what she did.....How stupid is that. Damn it's time for me to get angry Being angry isn't going to help the cause if you let it linger though. I think it is healthy to feel the anger but to then keep on being angry... Not good. Forgive her, forgive her for what she did/how she acted then move on. Damn it's so much easier to give advice then to follow it :/ If only I could heed my own advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I agree, you're probably just entering the anger stage. That makes perfect sense two months in. You can see this as a healthy step in your healing process. Let it out! Punch something, hit a pillow, do what you need to do. Don't keep it inside, or it will manifest as depression. As Randuff said, though, get angry but don't stay there. Nobody wants to hang around someone who is angry and bitter all the time. Just continue feeling your emotions. I don't know if you've done this, but it helped me to journal my angry feelings. That way, I could get them out, say what I wanted to say, but not hurt or scare anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I'm angry too. Tonight when I was dancing and counting out rhythms with the other dancers, I thought about having been dumped for not being a f*cking musician, and even if that was a total excuse, which I'm not sure it was, it's the stupidest, most insulting thing i've ever heard. It implies that a) what I do is unimportant, b) dance and music aren't close enough (?!?), c) he never took any of this seriously in the first place. It was so easy for him to just bail. And I'm really angry at the kind of b*lls it too to do that to me on the morning he left town for three months. And to tell a dancer, a person whose medium is her body and for whom taking care of that body is a priority, that you're breaking up with her for not being a musician, and you're sitting there eating bacon and rolling a cigarette. He could not have been more self-centered. He was so incredibly disrespectful of who I am, what I do, and what was going on between us. And he was able to just turn off so easily, and that makes me angrier than anything. I tried to talk to him about it and he just sat there staring right through me and saying nothing. I'm angry that he wasn't romantic, even though I hinted that I wanted him to be. How hard would it have been to write a song for me or write me a love note? Why couldn't he have seen that words were important to me and made an effort to speak to me in writing? Was I not worth treating well, surprising with notes or little gifts, being told "I love you" without having to say it first? Was I not worth turning down one single evening of playing music to be with? I'm angry that I even have to ask those questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brothermartin Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 was so incredibly disrespectful of who I am, what I do, and what was going on between us. And there it is! Thats what bites me the most! The lack of RESPECT she had for me, for who I am, and for us! She made me feel lower and undeserving of her! But she did it so convincingly and so politically correct that most of the time, I didn't see it. I was so in love and so eager to change and bend to her will I lost my own self-respect! LOVE SUCKS!!! How could I have been so blind!!!!:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Letranger Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 Hey, most of us go through it. Dont be so hard on yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author brothermartin Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 Hey, most of us go through it. Dont be so hard on yourself Thanks, but I've been through it so many times that I'm starting to wonder if I'm really stupid or just damned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brothermartin Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 Man I only wish I entered the anger stage. I just keep making excuses for why she did what she did.....How stupid is that. Damn it's time for me to get angry Being angry isn't going to help the cause if you let it linger though. I think it is healthy to feel the anger but to then keep on being angry... Not good. Forgive her, forgive her for what she did/how she acted then move on. Damn it's so much easier to give advice then to follow it :/ If only I could heed my own advice. Thanks man. I got the same advice from a friend of mine. But I'm one of those people that holds a grudge. I won't really be able to forgive her unless she ask for it, and I don't think thats gonna happen anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyLady Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 was so incredibly disrespectful of who I am, what I do, and what was going on between us. And there it is! Thats what bites me the most! The lack of RESPECT she had for me, for who I am, and for us! She made me feel lower and undeserving of her! But she did it so convincingly and so politically correct that most of the time, I didn't see it. I was so in love and so eager to change and bend to her will I lost my own self-respect! LOVE SUCKS!!! How could I have been so blind!!!!:mad: My days!!! I have been feeling exactly the same way too!!! Soo much anger!! He disrespcted me..took the fu*king biscuit!! (piss). He criticised my every move!! Went from being so appreciative to being such a damm horrid prick!! NOTHING was ever enough for him...and you know the worst part? I was so stupid and foolish! I loved him so much so would listen to everything he said and give him the satisfaction of him feeling he was right. But i guess he knew i was the one addicted to him!! I hate that i let him trample over me like garbage!! I hate that i was so compromising, so willing to do anything to keep him!! I lost my SELF-RESPECT!! The horrible things he said to me...JEEZ! Yet i love him still!! It sucks so much!! Anyway i was feeling worse a ew days ago...trust me all i wanted to do was tell him how beastly, babaric and inhumane he was for using me and taking advantage of my feelings for him. I felt like hurting him emotionally but i don;t have the power to do so anymore. No one has ever made me feel as low as he did!! I will not display so much love to a man again...in a VERY LONG TIME to come!!! Don't worry...the anger will subside in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brothermartin Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 I agree, you're probably just entering the anger stage. That makes perfect sense two months in. You can see this as a healthy step in your healing process. Let it out! Punch something, hit a pillow, do what you need to do. Don't keep it inside, or it will manifest as depression. As Randuff said, though, get angry but don't stay there. Nobody wants to hang around someone who is angry and bitter all the time. Just continue feeling your emotions. I don't know if you've done this, but it helped me to journal my angry feelings. That way, I could get them out, say what I wanted to say, but not hurt or scare anyone. Thank you CREST. Your probably right, two months later may be my anger stage. I'll try some purging stuff and see what works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brothermartin Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 My days!!! I have been feeling exactly the same way too!!! Soo much anger!! He disrespcted me..took the fu*king biscuit!! (piss). He criticised my every move!! Went from being so appreciative to being such a damm horrid prick!! NOTHING was ever enough for him...and you know the worst part? I was so stupid and foolish! I loved him so much so would listen to everything he said and give him the satisfaction of him feeling he was right. But i guess he knew i was the one addicted to him!! I hate that i let him trample over me like garbage!! I hate that i was so compromising, so willing to do anything to keep him!! I lost my SELF-RESPECT!! The horrible things he said to me...JEEZ! Yet i love him still!! It sucks so much!! Anyway i was feeling worse a ew days ago...trust me all i wanted to do was tell him how beastly, babaric and inhumane he was for using me and taking advantage of my feelings for him. I felt like hurting him emotionally but i don;t have the power to do so anymore. No one has ever made me feel as low as he did!! I will not display so much love to a man again...in a VERY LONG TIME to come!!! Don't worry...the anger will subside in due time. Yeah, you know what I'm saying! Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 A couple things: it is too soon for you to be in another relationship, and that is fine. Also, it is ok to be angry. Just be rational about it and realize that not all women are lying two timing cheating whores, or whatever she did to you. A lot of people get angry about dating in general. Don't let that happen, but it is fine to have it towards her. Link to post Share on other sites
mwbmtp Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 All in good time brother all in good time! My only advice would be take a deep breath and try to let it go! (i know its not easy) but i had a similiar situation and months of being mad turned into years and probably cost me a very loving relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
MrMichael Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 "was so incredibly disrespectful of who I am, what I do, and what was going on between us. And there it is! Thats what bites me the most! The lack of RESPECT she had for me, for who I am, and for us! She made me feel lower and undeserving of her! But she did it so convincingly and so politically correct that most of the time, I didn't see it. I was so in love and so eager to change and bend to her will I lost my own self-respect!" I am going thru this same sitch....I got told it was "over" because,her family "wouldnt approve" of my job, I work Oil and gas rigs..then she told me they wouldnt like my tattoos, which werent a problem to her when we were intimate (& on several ocasions) the night before she told me this. she looks me in the eye, tells me she wants to have my children or have children together, then lays out all these excuses why it wont work, and its all stuff about me>my job, the $ I make or according to her DONT make, now I too, am in the anger stage, I have gone from listening to bon jovi pity songs to Godsmack and Drowning Pool, not a feeling I want to harbor forever, but the fact that she wont admit her own shortcomings is what ticked me off from hurt to hatred... rock on brother, it will get better Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 I totally understand. I was angry at my ex W for months after she left me. I was also angry at myself which was more important to get a handle on. Once in a while I still get a small twinge but it's all pretty much done with now. It's been 10 months... so it takes time. Finding some sort of forgiveness or at least accepting that no one is perfect incuding yourself and there sometimes is no good way to break up with someone helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brothermartin Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 "was so incredibly disrespectful of who I am, what I do, and what was going on between us. And there it is! Thats what bites me the most! The lack of RESPECT she had for me, for who I am, and for us! She made me feel lower and undeserving of her! But she did it so convincingly and so politically correct that most of the time, I didn't see it. I was so in love and so eager to change and bend to her will I lost my own self-respect!" I am going thru this same sitch....I got told it was "over" because,her family "wouldnt approve" of my job, I work Oil and gas rigs..then she told me they wouldnt like my tattoos, which werent a problem to her when we were intimate (& on several ocasions) the night before she told me this. she looks me in the eye, tells me she wants to have my children or have children together, then lays out all these excuses why it wont work, and its all stuff about me>my job, the $ I make or according to her DONT make, now I too, am in the anger stage, I have gone from listening to bon jovi pity songs to Godsmack and Drowning Pool, not a feeling I want to harbor forever, but the fact that she wont admit her own shortcomings is what ticked me off from hurt to hatred... rock on brother, it will get better Wow! Were we seeing the same woman!?? Sounds like de ja vue! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brothermartin Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 I totally understand. I was angry at my ex W for months after she left me. I was also angry at myself which was more important to get a handle on. Once in a while I still get a small twinge but it's all pretty much done with now. It's been 10 months... so it takes time. Finding some sort of forgiveness or at least accepting that no one is perfect incuding yourself and there sometimes is no good way to break up with someone helps. Thanks DUDE. I'm starting to see that I just haven't had enough time to get pass this, but time gose by so slowly when your NOT having fun! Link to post Share on other sites
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