White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Oh, that was definitely my bad. I have a habit of using "you" in the second person which can easily be misconstrued on a forum. To make matters worse, I then switched to first person "you" in the last sentence of the same paragraph. Ugh. So much for that BA in English! What I should have written was "I don't care how two people came together, etc." instead of "you." I definitely didn't mean you personally. I do know your story, actually, and you responded on a post I created a few months ago and I found your perspective insightful and honest. I agree with the point that White Flower brought up too. And while I do think online polls have the potential to be more honest, I think any poll related to infidelity isn't probably going to tell the whole truth. I actually think, though, that the numbers might be worse than what is being reported since, as you pointed out, people aren't really inclined to say "Hey, I'm in an affair!" These types of polls are largely reliant on self-reporting, so there's always going to be an element of dishonesty or misrepresentation. That's my opinion anyway. Great point!
Lyssa Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I actually think, though, that the numbers might be worse than what is being reported since, as you pointed out, people aren't really inclined to say "Hey, I'm in an affair!" These types of polls are largely reliant on self-reporting, so there's always going to be an element of dishonesty or misrepresentation. That's my opinion anyway. I agree with this point as well. Those who participated in polls are anonymous, aren't they? If it so, why wouldn't they just tell the truth?
Cobra_X30 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I agree with this point as well. Those who participated in polls are anonymous, aren't they? If it so, why wouldn't they just tell the truth? Because many people are running an agenda, and when they see a question assume how it will be used! Love the new Avvie by the way!
lost4ever Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I was asked to participate in an infidelity poll during my first year of marriage. I answered it honestly....however, my answers now would be way different, which brings me to the point of why these polls can never really be useful, unless they are about percentages by age groups and their feelings within a certain year of marriage, which would be way too specific for anyone to care about... Or I guess you could ask us all on our death bed how we felt during each stage of our journey...then maybe you would get an idea if we ever cheated and what the percentage of people in their life time, or I might tell you to go to hell and let me die in peace (Kidding)....I heard that 98% of stats are made up on the spot....
silktricks Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Yes, I've been polled (twice) regarding marriage, relationships, fidelity, etc. The first time was probably twenty years ago the last time was about three-four years ago. I was honest. But since some people here don't even want to believe the evidence of your informal poll, I'm not sure why you think anyone would believe the evidence of a large poll either... or am I missing something?
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Oh well that's good to see there are people who actually do fill out polls about infidelity so maybe people actually do respond after all?
StillSame Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Oh well that's good to see there are people who actually do fill out polls about infidelity so maybe people actually do respond after all? Sarme, so, are you still working with your MM? Did you crossed the line into a PA? I really hope you didn't. If you did, you will regret it for the rest of your life.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Sarme, so, are you still working with your MM? Did you crossed the line into a PA? I really hope you didn't. If you did, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Who are you to tell someone else that they will regret something for the rest of their life? You're not Sarme, you don't know what she would or would not regret...
underpants Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 A lot of the information on the success rate of relationships that start off as affairs cannot be traced by public records such as divirce or marriage licences. Not sure what you you meant but no, it cannot be traced like that. I believe the people who enter cases into public record might disagree with you. Details are sent from public office to different government agencies and thus ...statewide statistics on various accounts are gathered. Yes...alot of divorce cases mention acts of infidelity and affair partners by name.
Author sarme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 I believe the people who enter cases into public record might disagree with you. Details are sent from public office to different government agencies and thus ...statewide statistics on various accounts are gathered. Yes...alot of divorce cases mention acts of infidelity and affair partners by name. Have you ever filled out a gov poll on infidelity? Where do you think public office get's their #s from?
Author sarme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 Sarme, so, are you still working with your MM? Did you crossed the line into a PA? I really hope you didn't. If you did, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Hun it's a little late for that but thanks for your concern. He D in October and we are officially together as a couple.
underpants Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) Have you ever filled out a gov poll on infidelity? Where do you think public office get's their #s from? I am sure I have filled out some stat polls here and there. Public offices get their numbers from actual cases filed, liscences applied for...etc. They use standardized entry protocol that varies with each office. Most of that can be taken for other surveys. It is not that complicated. Edited January 7, 2008 by underpants
Author sarme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) I am sure I have filled out some stat polls here and there. officPublic offices use standardized entry protocol that varies with each e. Most of that can be taken for other surveys. It is not that complicated. Hun I know the answer to my question just wanted to see what you came up with. Your general "skirting around the topic" response of Public offices use standardized entry protocol that varies with each office. Most of that can be taken for other surveys doesn't quite cut it. Because if that is the case you still have not answered my question so let me repeat it: where do the #s come from? where are these famous forms coming from that everyone is filling out? And as for filling one out yourself or thinking you might have, I think you would remember specifically where and when you filled out a poll that specifically asked you about infidelity for the simple fact that it doesn't happen often. Wouldn't you? I know I would. That was the point of this thread. It has never been on any formal census form sent by MY government living in canada. I have filled out two sensus forms in my life and neither one asked me anything in reference to infidelity. I have asked my friends and colleaugues and they conclude. SO my point is a LOT of people have never seen, heard, or even entertained the idea of filling out a form that asks about infidelity. So again my "non-complicated question" is where do these numbers come from? Edited January 7, 2008 by sarme
StillSame Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Hun it's a little late for that but thanks for your concern. He D in October and we are officially together as a couple. Do you see a future with him? Marriage and everything? Do your parents and his soon to be ex wife know that you were having an affair?
underpants Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) Hun I know the answer to my question just wanted to see what you came up with. Your general "skirting around the topic" response of doesn't quite cut it. Because if that is the case you still have not answered my question so let me repeat it: where do the #s come from? where are these famous forms coming from that everyone is filling out? So again my "non-complicated question" is where do these numbers come from? Hun, Are you a natural blonde? The gathering of statisical data is quite common in government run offices. That was what I made reference to in my response. Again this is based on cases filed, liscences applied for, and a host of other things that get run through the system. Example. Divorce filing....click a box and push a button. Claim of divorce 'infidelity' ...click a box and push a button. 'irreconcilable differences' ...click a different box and push a button. Apply for marriage liscense...see above. The only way for you to avoid being a statistic is simply to not marry your married man. Edited January 7, 2008 by underpants
Author sarme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) Hun, Are you a natural blonde? The gathering of statisical data is quite common in government run offices. That was what I made reference to in my response. Again this is based on cases filed, liscences applied for, and a host of other things that get run through the system. Example. Divorce filing....click a box and push a button. Claim of divorce 'infidelity' ...click a box and push a button. 'irreconsible differences' ...click a different box and push a button. Apply for marriage liscense...see above. The only way for you to avoid being a statistic is simply to not marry your married man. Seeing as you have to resort to an insulting me about my hair colour which is neither here nor there, only can mean one thing "when you can't explain yourself in an adult logical manner: resort to personal name calling and insults." Did I ask how do they come up with divorce stats? Or did I ask how do they come up with stats based on infidelity? Also did I ask how many people filled out a poll stating anything to do with infidelity OR did I ask, what % of marriages ending with divorce were due to infidelity? So the question for the third time was Have you ever filled out a poll that discusses infidelity, and where do these #s come from? But ok fine: If you are saying the #s come from divorce stats, which is what you are claiming here, then that is even more reason to think that all those stats that claim that only 3% of relationships that are born out of infidelity are successful, are completely and utterly BOGUS. This is precisely why stats are a waste of time! So I rest my case and thanks for coming out. Edited January 7, 2008 by sarme
Author sarme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 Do you see a future with him? Marriage and everything? Do your parents and his soon to be ex wife know that you were having an affair? Of course I do I would not be with him if I didn't. We do plan to marry yes but we need to take our time to get to really know each other first. Marriage is a big step and I am not ready to jump into anything. It's not his "soon to be exwife" it is his exwife. Yes she knows, she found out about us eventually and faught for him and I had to step aside, but he wanted out anyway and so he left and eventually divorced.
frannie Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 If you are saying the #s come from divorce stats, which is what you are claiming here, then that is even more reason to think that all those stats that claim that only 3% of relationships that are born out of infidelity are successful, are completely and utterly BOGUS. There is only one 3% stat on this, and as far as I have discovered it comes from a book by Jan Halper called Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men. The 3% refers to one study in which 3% of married, 'successful' men (in one company) replied that they were currently married to, and had been married for more than 5 years, a woman who was a former affair partner. As such it says nothing about how many MM and OW end up together, whether they'll marry, and whether they will be married for more than 5 years.
Author sarme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 There is only one 3% stat on this, and as far as I have discovered it comes from a book by Jan Halper called Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men. The 3% refers to one study in which 3% of married, 'successful' men (in one company) replied that they were currently married to, and had been married for more than 5 years, a woman who was a former affair partner. As such it says nothing about how many MM and OW end up together, whether they'll marry, and whether they will be married for more than 5 years. Now we're talking! Thank you for answering my question, you obviously understood the question. Ahahahaha! So you mean to tell that the famous 3% stat comes from the answer one guy gave from a poll taken in one company and all of society is regurgitating this % like it is going out of style? That is absolutely ridiculous. That is the funniest thing I have heard in a while. Thanks for the valuable peice of information Frannie! I did not know of that author/book. Out of curiosity and while you are here, have you ever filled out a poll that asked you about infidelity?
silktricks Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) This question has been asked before..... Yes, I've been polled (twice). I answered totally truthfully both times. But oftentimes stats that have their origination just in someone's mind are then referred to as some kind of authority for years after. The statistic didn't necessarily come from anywhere to begin with. Edited January 7, 2008 by silktricks
Author sarme Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 Ok so here are my informal stats according to what has been discussed so far here: So far 14 people responded to this thread, including myself: 6 said nothing either way, just came here to make comment about polls 4 said yes they did fill out a sat on infidelity 2 said no they did not 1 said " I am sure I have filled out some stat polls here and there" which we will count as maybe, if you can't answer a flat out yes or no you aren't sure. So here are MY stats so far: 43% no answer 29% yes 14% no 07 % maybe what's the conclusion so far? 29% of the population actually has filled out a poll about infidelity . The rest either haven't or could not even be bothered to remember specifically if they had.
virginiagirl Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Ok so here are my informal stats according to what has been discussed so far here: So far 14 people responded to this thread, including myself: 6 said nothing either way, just came here to make comment about polls 4 said yes they did fill out a sat on infidelity 2 said no they did not 1 said " I am sure I have filled out some stat polls here and there" which we will count as maybe, if you can't answer a flat out yes or no you aren't sure. So here are MY stats so far: 43% no answer 29% yes 14% no 07 % maybe what's the conclusion so far? 29% of the population actually has filled out a poll about infidelity . The rest either haven't or could not even be bothered to remember specifically if they had. Sarme you can add me to the list of people who have not been polled about infidelity. Frannie, thanks so much for the information about where that 3% comes from. You are the first person who has actually provided a source.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 What's the conclusion so far? 29% of the population actually has filled out a poll about infidelity . The rest either haven't or could not even be bothered to remember specifically if they had. That's the thing with polls, usually they are skewed because questionaires are usually returned by people who have a stake in the outcome and how the question is framed will have an effect on the answer of those polled. I just think polls are that, polls...I wouldn't base anything on a poll, especially not my vote...
Cobra_X30 Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 That's the thing with polls, usually they are skewed because questionaires are usually returned by people who have a stake in the outcome and how the question is framed will have an effect on the answer of those polled. I just think polls are that, polls...I wouldn't base anything on a poll, especially not my vote... When it comes to polls the most important part is the margin of error. The poll is simply supposed to provide a close representation of what other poeple think, or have experienced at a given moment in time. So essentially, it's just as you say. Polls are nice in that they show how other people are trending, but I wouldnt make any big choices based on a poll... especially placing a vote!
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