sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I have read many threads where people quote stats about infidelity and the ratios of success before or after infidelity. Out of curiosity I would like to ask all fellow LSers how many of you have ever filled out a poll or a census form that deals with matters of marital state vs infidelity. I would like a show of hands as to how many of you have actually contributed to a poll of any kind for that matter where you divulged any information that would contribute to the stats that are published regarding infidelity. Let's keep in mind that in the North American judicial system a jury is comprised of 12 people in which case we deem the voice of 12 people from diverse backgrounds as the voice for what the general public might think or agree on. I feel this is the right place to post this given most people her have had some experience one way or another As for me, never.
sally4sara Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I was "polled" a few years ago about this subject. I do not know if it was for a census like you are asking about. I'll answer any real question asked of me by just about anyone. Since I lived near a campus at the time, I just figured they were sociology students. I think a lot of the information for such a poll could be gathered through public records. Divorce and marriage licenses are public record.
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I once filled one out online years ago. I was totally honest with it.
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Does it really matter? Everyone who gets involved in a relationship (whether it's an affair, or a marriage) are statistically doomed. Not to sound morbid, but most relationships don't work out. To me it makes sense that relationship that began as an affair has a bigger burden on it than a relationship with two single people coming together. There usually aren't feelings of guilt or shame when two "free" individuals come together; therefore, it makes sense that it's going to have a rockier start. Anyway, to answer your question, I have participated in a poll where I was asked questions about my relationship. It was about 3 years ago when I was living in Denver. If I recall correctly, it was for Gallup.
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 I was "polled" a few years ago about this subject. I do not know if it was for a census like you are asking about. I'll answer any real question asked of me by just about anyone. Since I lived near a campus at the time, I just figured they were sociology students. I think a lot of the information for such a poll could be gathered through public records. Divorce and marriage licenses are public record. Great thanks for the contribution! A lot of the information on the success rate of relationships that start off as affairs cannot be traced by public records such as divirce or marriage licences. Not sure what you you meant but no, it cannot be traced like that.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Well, well is anyone else surprised with these results? *sarcasm* OP: I understand what you're trying to prove, but this is Lala Land... And as I've stated many times before statistics mean nothing-only your own outcome is what matters...
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Does it really matter? Everyone who gets involved in a relationship (whether it's an affair, or a marriage) are statistically doomed. Not to sound morbid, but most relationships don't work out. To me it makes sense that relationship that began as an affair has a bigger burden on it than a relationship with two single people coming together. There usually aren't feelings of guilt or shame when two "free" individuals come together; therefore, it makes sense that it's going to have a rockier start. Anyway, to answer your question, I have participated in a poll where I was asked questions about my relationship. It was about 3 years ago when I was living in Denver. If I recall correctly, it was for Gallup. Great thanks for the personal opionion but that was not the question the question was were you polled? I see you answered at the end, did they ask you specifics about how your relationship started? Interesting! I always wondered how they asked these things... I once filled one out online years ago. I was totally honest with it. Thanks White Flower, what was it for? and did it ask you about how your relationships began in relation to affairs?
Art_Critic Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 In order to prove that people who are not polled would affect a statistic you will have to provide your own statistics to do that.. By the way.. polls and statistics normally account for the very factors you are trying to pull up and use against the stats...
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Well, well is anyone else surprised with these results? *sarcasm* OP: I understand what you're trying to prove, but this is Lala Land... And as I've stated many times before statistics mean nothing-only your own outcome is what matters... sorry Green Eyed Lady I didn't get the Lala land reference meaning....? that people would answer this?
GreenEyedLady Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 sorry Green Eyed Lady I didn't get the Lala land reference meaning....? that people would answer this? Lala Land meaning that people here don't always see reality and choose to live in Lala Land...
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 In order to prove that people who are not polled would affect a statistic you will have to provide your own statistics to do that.. By the way.. polls and statistics normally account for the very factors you are trying to pull up and use against the stats... I will as soon as this thread has a substantial amount of response I will draft up my own conlcusion for everyone. In the meantime can poll the question because what I am getting as how many people actually filled out polls regarding their relationships?
GreenEyedLady Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 In the meantime can poll the question because what I am getting as how many people actually filled out polls regarding their relationships? That's the whole point here-probably honestly no one has... But do you think they're going to let you make your point, noooo... So instead the barrage of yes I've taken a poll regarding my relationship... I wonder if some think that answering if they're married, single or divorced is considered a poll?
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 That's the whole point here-probably honestly no one has... But do you think they're going to let you make your point, noooo... So instead the barrage of yes I've taken a poll regarding my relationship... I wonder if some think that answering if they're married, single or divorced is considered a poll? Exactly! I loved your last line so true :laugh: people quote stats adnauseam yet when you ask "people" how many times have you done a poll about your relationship....you see tumbleweed roll by...I've asked my social network as well, two people answered yes the rest never. I figured this was a neutral ground of all sort of people, maybe I should have posted this in another section? so it's beyond me who's arse they pull these numbres from?
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 People believe what they want to believe. I don't care who you are or how your relationship started, you have to believe you'll be the exception. It really doesn't matter what poll results you get. You believe you'll be the exception in your relationship, even if statistics are against you. And it's not just you - we all do. We HAVE to, otherwise we'd never enter into a relationship. I believed I was going to be the exception to the first-marriage divorce statistic and would be married to my ex-husband forever. Obviously I wasn't. The reality is that most of us won't end up with who we are with now. But that doesn't stop us from trying and certainly no poll results are going to sway us anyway. We all believe we'll be the exception. That's why most of us keep trying, statistics or no.
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 People believe what they want to believe. I don't care who you are or how your relationship started, you have to believe you'll be the exception. It really doesn't matter what poll results you get. You believe you'll be the exception in your relationship, even if statistics are against you. And it's not just you - we all do. We HAVE to, otherwise we'd never enter into a relationship. I believed I was going to be the exception to the first-marriage divorce statistic and would be married to my ex-husband forever. Obviously I wasn't. The reality is that most of us won't end up with who we are with now. But that doesn't stop us from trying and certainly no poll results are going to sway us anyway. We all believe we'll be the exception. That's why most of us keep trying, statistics or no. Why are you attacking me? If you don't like my informal poll, move right along. I never said you had to post here it was only if you wanted to and this is certainly no reason to get so angry!?!? you obviously don't care about this subject so why are you even here?
BeautifulMystique Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 This is interesting as I have always questioned about "poll system". I have never taken one on relationships but would like to find out on this, Sarme. I don't think people would be honest in polls but let's just hope they do with this one! I wonder what the outcome will be...
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 This is interesting as I have always questioned about "poll system". I have never taken one on relationships but would like to find out on this, Sarme. I don't think people would be honest in polls but let's just hope they do with this one! I wonder what the outcome will be... I agree with you but in fact I don't even think that it's a matter of people not being honest in polls I think that a lot of people honestly have never even done one. So I question where the heck they get these numbres from, but so far I see it's some people have so that's cool! People actually do fill public polls out.
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I see you answered at the end, did they ask you specifics about how your relationship started? Interesting! I always wondered how they asked these things... Thanks White Flower, what was it for? and did it ask you about how your relationships began in relation to affairs? Yes it did ask those kinds of questions, but this was years before my A. If I remember correctly, it asked Qs like "would you ever have an affair" and "now that you are involved in an A, are you still intimate with your spouse" and that type of thing. I supposed I don't rememer the details because it didn't pertain to me at the time. I also read somewhere that online polls are more honest due to the anonymous nature and the comfort zone of privacy, especially if taken at home on the computer. Sorry I don't remember much about it.
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 sarme, I truly apologize! I seriously didn't mean that as a personal attack at all! I'm so sorry if it came off that way, that really wasn't my intent. What I intended to do was to point out that we, as human beings, tend to cling to poll numbers that support our beliefs and discard those that don't. I just think we are all wired that way, and if we have a certain belief, no poll numbers are going to change that. But you certainly weren't inviting anyone to assume the intent of your informal poll, so I will happily shut up and apologize once again.
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Yes it did ask those kinds of questions, but this was years before my A. If I remember correctly, it asked Qs like "would you ever have an affair" and "now that you are involved in an A, are you still intimate with your spouse" and that type of thing. I supposed I don't rememer the details because it didn't pertain to me at the time. I also read somewhere that online polls are more honest due to the anonymous nature and the comfort zone of privacy, especially if taken at home on the computer. Sorry I don't remember much about it. Interesting facts you just mentioned White Flower, I can that being the case of anonimity being a pro in wanting to participate openly and honestly. I know I would not want a guy coming around my home and asking me these questions and me having to tell him, "yes in fact my partner and I met while we were having an affair", it's not the kind of thing I am prepared to make public at all or super proud of. I think a lot of people might feel this way when faced with telling a complete stranger this face to face.
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 sarme, I truly apologize! I seriously didn't mean that as a personal attack at all! I'm so sorry if it came off that way, that really wasn't my intent. What I intended to do was to point out that we, as human beings, tend to cling to poll numbers that support our beliefs and discard those that don't. I just think we are all wired that way, and if we have a certain belief, no poll numbers are going to change that. But you certainly weren't inviting anyone to assume the intent of your informal poll, so I will happily shut up and apologize once again. Oh I thought when you said "I don't care what your story is..." or something like that it was that you said like that you meant me personally and I didn't understand why you were getting upset at me!??! Misunderstanding defintely, sorry I am just used to people jumping on your on here for no reason at all.
Author sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 But you certainly weren't inviting anyone to assume the intent of your informal poll, so I will happily shut up and apologize once again. and no that's perfectly fine too I was indeed trying to invite people to share their perceptions of why this poll. I just see a lot of people use stats like it's the word of god or something, and when it comes down to it got me thinking...well gees I have never even done a poll I wonder how many people actually have!??! I agree though that relationships are doomed either way, I don't beleive in long term monogamy, I believe in long term friendship but I think sexually speaking we all have a shelf life next to our partners. I read something interesting once regarding the 7 yr itch and why it is called that and how it came about. It said there is a chemical reaction that happens in us that makes us lose interest in our partners sexually over extended periods of times. It said something to the effect that in time our pheromones become immune to our partners sense of smell and this familiarity breeds disinterest. So they said that people should be away from each other for some time like take a vacation seperately to remove ourselves from our partners to change the smell pattern. I am sure I am oversimplifying it but it was along those lines...it was interesting. If you look up 7 yr itch I am sure you can find stuff on it.
BeautifulMystique Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I agree with you but in fact I don't even think that it's a matter of people not being honest in polls I think that a lot of people honestly have never even done one. So I question where the heck they get these numbres from, but so far I see it's some people have so that's cool! People actually do fill public polls out. OM/OW and Infidelity must be the most interesting boards on LS. I have been reading both and so many feedbacks! I love it how certain cliques back each other up. Back to the polls, yes, I don't think anyone has ever done any. I am curious at the questions asked. I have read that a few that quoted statistics, where do they get the numbers? I do fill polls out, mostly on food.
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Oh, that was definitely my bad. I have a habit of using "you" in the second person which can easily be misconstrued on a forum. To make matters worse, I then switched to first person "you" in the last sentence of the same paragraph. Ugh. So much for that BA in English! What I should have written was "I don't care how two people came together, etc." instead of "you." I definitely didn't mean you personally. I do know your story, actually, and you responded on a post I created a few months ago and I found your perspective insightful and honest. I agree with the point that White Flower brought up too. And while I do think online polls have the potential to be more honest, I think any poll related to infidelity isn't probably going to tell the whole truth. I actually think, though, that the numbers might be worse than what is being reported since, as you pointed out, people aren't really inclined to say "Hey, I'm in an affair!" These types of polls are largely reliant on self-reporting, so there's always going to be an element of dishonesty or misrepresentation. That's my opinion anyway.
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Hey Sarme, You can check out LadyJane14's many posts on the subject. She usually posts in the infidelity forum. She is so knowledgeable in the matters of love;)
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