Author schweetpea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 this isn't the case for all people. i know it bothers you to think that some people can cheat and simply get over it, but the fact remains that they can. not everyone beats themselves silly for things they have done and cannot change. oh, well. hoping an abusive person gets control of a child instead of a mother who cares for her son, but didn't care for her husband as much, is pretty sick. the only way any of you will be happy is if she can erase the cheating. well guess what? she can't; no one can, and it shouldn't affect you. some of you seem not to realize that she owned up to it and did the best she could to make it fair for her husband, who is now acting like a child. if he's so hurt and wants to be abusive, he should have no problem giving her a divorce. she tried to set him free after her indiscretion, and he isn't letting her out of spite. all he is getting is to stay 'married' to her. not very mature, certainly less mature than someone who screwed up, owned up to it honestly like a woman, and dealt with it the best she could. not everyone does every little thing by the book, including you, and at least she tried to deal with it appropriately. I agree! Hmm....have you been in this situation before?
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 I agree! Hmm....have you been in this situation before? no, not quite the same situation as you. i just get annoyed with certain posters who feel the need to take their personal situations and apply their feelings and insults to every person who has a similar problem. some of them need to learn that isn't about them, and that everyone's situation is different. just because they were cheated on and burned badly doesn't give them the right to turn it around on others who aren't deserving. all they do is read the word 'cheat' and it becomes a bloodbath when someone is looking for help, or opinions that offer support--they do anything but and turn the whole thread into why you're the devil because they've been cheated, and so 'all cheaters are this and that.' it's immature and unnecessary, so i tend to take a stance against that when i see the same posters saying the same thing, over and over, when it has nothing to do with your issue.
Author schweetpea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 no, not quite the same situation as you. i just get annoyed with certain posters who feel the need to take their personal situations and apply their feelings and insults to every person who has a similar problem. some of them need to learn that isn't about them, and that everyone's situation is different. just because they were cheated on and burned badly doesn't give them the right to turn it around on others who aren't deserving. I appreciate that. I love it when people get so angered about things that really don't affect their life in any way at all. It just shows weakness and lack of control. I love to egg them on, I know its wrong but makes me giggle. I don't think anyone should take life that seriously!
marlena Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 To the OP, Your ex - husband needs to accept the divorce, stay out of your personal affairs and move on! The marriage is over, the divorce has been granted. He has no right to harass you. If I were you, I would limit my contact with him to just matters that concern your co - parenting.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 I appreciate that. I love it when people get so angered about things that really don't affect their life in any way at all. It just shows weakness and lack of control. I love to egg them on, I know its wrong but makes me giggle. I don't think anyone should take life that seriously! oh i agree, as well...sometimes you can't help but egg them on when they attack you, because they show how much they deserve it when they dish it out, but can't take it. they complain and whine and it's like, 'now i can see why what happened to you did happen...because you're a relentlessly annoying crybaby; getting over would make you look like a lot more of a man instead of a whiny victim who can't move on from the past.' if you get that destroyed by people that it lets them ruin you, don't have relationships.
Author schweetpea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 oh i agree, as well...sometimes you can't help but egg them on when they attack you, because they show how much they deserve it when they dish it out, but can't take it. they complain and whine and it's like, 'now i can see why what happened to you did happen...because you're a relentlessly annoying crybaby; getting over would make you look like a lot more of a man instead of a whiny victim who can't move on from the past.' if you get that destroyed by people that it lets them ruin you, don't have relationships. Oh my GOD!!! THANK YOU....See, I live by that philosophy and I have no patience for people who don't. I know I should. Its something for me to work on. :)
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Oh my GOD!!! THANK YOU....See, I live by that philosophy and I have no patience for people who don't. I know I should. Its something for me to work on. :) you're welcome. how's your situation going? any progress? i'm not too familiar with divorce, and i know it's different everywhere you go, but does he have to agree in order for you to get a divorce? i don't see how other people can make you stay married, especially when you're with someone else...and pregnant. anyone could see that this guy is trying to spite you. what an idiot. 'you cheated and ruined me and i hate you so much i am going to stay married to you!' wtf? who's he really hurting? cause isn't just you. he looks like even more of a fool.
Author schweetpea Posted December 8, 2007 Author Posted December 8, 2007 you're welcome. how's your situation going? any progress? i'm not too familiar with divorce, and i know it's different everywhere you go, but does he have to agree in order for you to get a divorce? i don't see how other people can make you stay married, especially when you're with someone else...and pregnant. anyone could see that this guy is trying to spite you. what an idiot. 'you cheated and ruined me and i hate you so much i am going to stay married to you!' wtf? who's he really hurting? cause isn't just you. he looks like even more of a fool. Heeheehee....I know. Its ridiculous. Um....i'm not sure about other states but in NY there are certain grounds (reasons for divorce) that have to be proven and accepted by a judge and both parties involved. I wrote up my grounds based on the things that happened in our marriage that were unacceptable to me. He doesn't agree with my grounds and won't sign his name to them so he needs to write up his own version which I would gladly attach my name to. However, he is yet to file his complaint and I am stuck waiting...
marlena Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Sorry, I thought you were already divorced. Perhaps you need to help your husband gain some closure before he can set this to rest. Still being your husband, he deserves to know not so much about what happened but rather about the why it happened. Perhaps this might help him come to terms with things.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Sorry, I thought you were already divorced. Perhaps you need to help your husband gain some closure before he can set this to rest. Still being your husband, he deserves to know not so much about what happened but rather about the why it happened. Perhaps this might help him come to terms with things. it seems pretty simple. there isn't really a why, other than she wanted to, and she admits that. everyone always wants an answer to why for everything, and sometimes, there isn't one, it just is what it is, you know? knowing the 'why' (if there is one) won't change anything, and rarely helps anyone move on. and this isn't just for cheating, but for anything, really. that's my take anyway. they aren't together anymore, so he needs to learn to come to terms with it on his own. she did what she had to do after she cheated, and he needs to accept it and get on with life...and let her get on with hers.
marlena Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 so he needs to learn to come to terms with it on his own. she did what she had to do after she cheated, and he needs to accept it and get on with life...and let her get on with hers. Yes, I couldn't agree more. No one is better suited to give us closure than our own self. I was just thinking that maybe if she tried the kinder, milder approach, he might stop stalking her. After all they were married and some kind of explanation is in order. It's only human decency and affording respect and courtesy to someone you were once in love with. I don't really know the details so perhaps my comments are way off left field. If she has discussed this with him already and he still continues to stalk her, he is definitely acting childishly and needs to act like a responsible adult in control of himself.
White Flower Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 it seems pretty simple. there isn't really a why, other than she wanted to, and she admits that. everyone always wants an answer to why for everything, and sometimes, there isn't one, it just is what it is, you know? knowing the 'why' (if there is one) won't change anything, and rarely helps anyone move on. and this isn't just for cheating, but for anything, really. that's my take anyway. they aren't together anymore, so he needs to learn to come to terms with it on his own. she did what she had to do after she cheated, and he needs to accept it and get on with life...and let her get on with hers. I agree with this one. For years I wanted my H to understand the whys for everything. He just didn't care to listen and/or understand. I finally realized we are just incompatible and tried to start D proceedings. He's still fighting it mostly I think because a D will hurt his pride. But in the end trying to explain my reasons for D-ing is fruitless.
Author schweetpea Posted December 9, 2007 Author Posted December 9, 2007 I agree with this one. For years I wanted my H to understand the whys for everything. He just didn't care to listen and/or understand. I finally realized we are just incompatible and tried to start D proceedings. He's still fighting it mostly I think because a D will hurt his pride. But in the end trying to explain my reasons for D-ing is fruitless. This is exactly it! He doesn't care to listen/understand because of his pride. At least I think thats what it is....so I wait.
White Flower Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 This is exactly it! He doesn't care to listen/understand because of his pride. At least I think thats what it is....so I wait. Stampdaddy, on another thread, says his Lover's H says that "D is for losers!" Many men feel this way and unfortunately prolong an unhappy M for all parties, children included.
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