Owl Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Rather than send the tape, why not stage a re-enactment of it for everyone to see? The best Christmas present is the one with the "personal touch" to it, yes? Seems like that would solve your problem of making her go away, no?
hollaxatholly Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Rather than send the tape, why not stage a re-enactment of it for everyone to see? The best Christmas present is the one with the "personal touch" to it, yes? Seems like that would solve your problem of making her go away, no? Of course, it could backfire and she could make you go away...I think that's what I'd do if I recieved a tape like that...on christmas morning, no less.
frannie Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 All statistics can be made to fit any scenario, but I think no one can argue with the fact that a relationship which begins on a foundation of lies and broken commitments will not suddenly transform into a relationship of trust and honesty. Statistics can be used in all sorts of ways, yes. However, I think this one statistic has been particularly misinterpreted. It's exactly as I stated it (3% of a group of men were married to previous affair partners), and NOT as it is always quoted (3% of affair partners will end up married to each other). That's just mis-representation or mis-interpretation: someone, somewhere read it back to front and it's misquoted all over now. Personally, I don't think that if someone lies to and breaks their commitment to one woman means that they will necessarily do that to everyone they have a relationship with. After all, people who have been cheated ON by a particular man will go on to trust him in reconciliation. Or does 'once a cheater' only apply if the man leaves? I would have thought that was against logic.
Author twistedapart Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Ok I exaggerated about us spending every night together. Many nights, but not every. The thing I'm worried about lately is that he might be trying to get me pregnant. I know it only turns him on to say this, but he always talks about getting me pregnant when we have sex lately, especially last night. This is bothering me since I told him I don't want to birth any children. I'd probably use a surrogate before anything else would happen. He also does not like to use protection because he wants to feel me more and enjoys coming inside me. I am on birth control, but that I know fails as well. I'm going to have to enforce condom usage from now on as I don't trust him. He knows I can get any man I want, so maybe he wants me to be tied down to him. The nights he sees me, he either tells his wife he works late or sneaks off in the middle of the night.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I'm not sure why you want this guy. The more you post, the less reason I can see for anyone wanting to be stuck with this guy.
vanilla chai Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Better question: Why is his wife still with him when he neglects her so? Guess everyone has a price. Hers is financial security and the facade of a happy family. If this guy wants out of his marriage he'll leave, no amount of manipulation on your part is going to help.
mopar crazy Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 OP seems young. She likes the way this guy is making her out to be so much better than his W. She thrives on the attention he gives her. She loves that he is willing to throw away his M for her. I hope he does leave his W, M her, and then screws around on her too. Karma is a bitch!
whichwayisup Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 What exactly are you looking for as in help and advice? Do you want to expose your MM to his wife so she'll boot his @ss out of the house and then he'll come to you? Are you looking to just continue the affair and stay the OW? Or do you want OUT of the affair so you can find yourself a single and available man who will love you and ONLY you? Honestly though, your MM is a jerk and isn't the prize you think he is.
JackJack Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I replied to you in soemone else's thread where you bashed men and stated they ALL cheat and never grow up, but yet you're with a MM yourself. You also stated if someone wanted a good decent man to get one that was either an intellectual, a marine, or a jew. You also went on to state that ALL business men, doctos and lawyers cheat. I'm so glad you speak for ALL men that cheat since you're with one that is.
Frances Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Ok I exaggerated about us spending every night together. Many nights, but not every. The thing I'm worried about lately is that he might be trying to get me pregnant. I know it only turns him on to say this, but he always talks about getting me pregnant when we have sex lately, especially last night. This is bothering me since I told him I don't want to birth any children. I'd probably use a surrogate before anything else would happen. He also does not like to use protection because he wants to feel me more and enjoys coming inside me. I am on birth control, but that I know fails as well. I'm going to have to enforce condom usage from now on as I don't trust him. He knows I can get any man I want, so maybe he wants me to be tied down to him. The nights he sees me, he either tells his wife he works late or sneaks off in the middle of the night. He says all this and you complain that it was his wife whom wanted the last two children. I have met a few OW some of whom were a bit flakey but you take the biscuit. Most OW feel guilty when children are involved. I think you might just be a wind up merchant, othewise you are certainly a much screwed up person.
norajane Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Ok I exaggerated about us spending every night together. Many nights, but not every. The thing I'm worried about lately is that he might be trying to get me pregnant. I know it only turns him on to say this, but he always talks about getting me pregnant when we have sex lately, especially last night. This is bothering me since I told him I don't want to birth any children. I'd probably use a surrogate before anything else would happen. He also does not like to use protection because he wants to feel me more and enjoys coming inside me. I am on birth control, but that I know fails as well. I'm going to have to enforce condom usage from now on as I don't trust him. He knows I can get any man I want, so maybe he wants me to be tied down to him. The nights he sees me, he either tells his wife he works late or sneaks off in the middle of the night. Ah, the impregnation fantasy! It's quite common among men who use it to feel more virile and manly, you know, filling you up with his seed, and having his strong sperm make you pregnant. Don't fall for that, though. He doesn't want to be a daddy to your child...he just wants to feel like he's all virile and potent. If he actually wanted to be a father, he has 4 children already, and, according to you, he barely sees them. Too bad his wife fell for impregnation fantasy - don't be another of his victims...insist on the condoms and make sure you use your own birth control properly.
Adreanna Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Ok I exaggerated about us spending every night together. Many nights, but not every. The thing I'm worried about lately is that he might be trying to get me pregnant. I know it only turns him on to say this, but he always talks about getting me pregnant when we have sex lately, especially last night. This is bothering me since I told him I don't want to birth any children. I'd probably use a surrogate before anything else would happen. He also does not like to use protection because he wants to feel me more and enjoys coming inside me. I am on birth control, but that I know fails as well. I'm going to have to enforce condom usage from now on as I don't trust him. He knows I can get any man I want, so maybe he wants me to be tied down to him. The nights he sees me, he either tells his wife he works late or sneaks off in the middle of the night. He isn't going to leave his wife for you or any other woman. He has a family, a history with his wife. What makes you think he's going to leave a woman he has been with a long time, given birth to his kids? OW like you make me feel ashamed being a woman!
JamesM Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Personally, I don't think that if someone lies to and breaks their commitment to one woman means that they will necessarily do that to everyone they have a relationship with. After all, people who have been cheated ON by a particular man will go on to trust him in reconciliation. Or does 'once a cheater' only apply if the man leaves? I would have thought that was against logic. No, this does not mean that they will for certain, but there is a greater likelihood. But that is not what I meant....the relationship that an OW and a MM have is started with secrecy and lies. Many times the MM not only lies to his wife, but he may also lie to the OW. A much better situation is if the relationship is started after the man has left his wife. This is another reason why so many OWs and MM never actually marry.
stillafool Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 The only thing I'm fearful about if this relationship somehow does not work out, although I'm definitely positive it will. It's that a long time ago he taped us having sex on his camcorder. Now, I don't know what happened to the footage. I was a little tipsy when we took it and it was probably some of our hottest moments. Is there anyway to legally get the tape destroyed or prevent him from using it for anything? It sounds like you really trust this guy.
nadiaj2727 Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 My mm really needs help... Now, I am wondering if there is any advice on how to speed up the process of my mm breaking things off... About the only advice I can give you regarding how to speed up the divorce... is to realize that the divorce won't ever happen. He hasn't even told you it will happen, this sounds to be just your opinions on his situation. Ex. you say "it appears that a divorce is inevitable here" and that he is "clearly" "clinging onto her" because of dependence and the children. Even assuming you are correct in your opinions about why he stays, those are very strong bonds and reasons to stay together, not get divorced. I don't see anywhere in your post what makes you think he is getting divorced (objective facts? -- or even his own words?) except in your own mind. I'm sorry honey but it looks like he is just using you for something extra, and he has no intentions on divorcing. Soon you may be on here asking for pointers on how to expose the affair to her so she'll leave him... & that won't work either because usually they end up apologizing to the wife & cutting the affair partner out of the picture for awhile to quiet things, then trying to go back to the affair partner with new promises after they don't think they'll get caught by the wife. If you want to stay in this situation exactly that way it is, ok. But it sounds like you want him to divorce her & be with you, & there is no way to speed that up because realistically, that just isn't happening.
Author twistedapart Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 Well, I don't give up that easily. I'm going to be hiring a PI this week to dig up whatever information they can on the woman. And I'll do what I can from my end and I'll go from there. Maybe I should call DCFS as well because I think she's abusing her children.
scaredinlove Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Well, I don't give up that easily. I'm going to be hiring a PI this week to dig up whatever information they can on the woman. And I'll do what I can from my end and I'll go from there. Maybe I should call DCFS as well because I think she's abusing her children. Don't get too involved he could be telling you tales. His marriage is his problem, there is nothing you can do about it. He has to break it when he is ready. Be carefully in getting too involved you might get hurt.
noforgiveness Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Well, I don't give up that easily. I'm going to be hiring a PI this week to dig up whatever information they can on the woman. And I'll do what I can from my end and I'll go from there. Maybe I should call DCFS as well because I think she's abusing her children. Twisted please inform the mm you are seeing that you will be doing this. Oh and let us know how that works for you.
whichwayisup Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Well, I don't give up that easily. I'm going to be hiring a PI this week to dig up whatever information they can on the woman. And I'll do what I can from my end and I'll go from there. Maybe I should call DCFS as well because I think she's abusing her children. Why do you hate and disrespect his wife so much? What you are doing is very freaky and wrong! It is sick that you would do such a thing!! HIS marriage is HIS business, not yours - You are the OW, not his wife so you do not get to decide when and IF he should divorce. You can suggest it to him, but not force him. If you go ahead with this crazy plan of yours and he finds out you were behind it, he WILL break up with you and never speak to you again! THINK OF THE KIDS, do not mess with their little lives! Sorry but you need some counselling because what you're doing is so cruel and cold hearted.
stillafool Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 I can't believe you are going to waste your money on a PI to get your MM to leave his W. If he loves you and hates her then why don't you just come out and ask him to leave her. Tell him you will give him whatever support he needs in his move (financial, emotional, etc.). If he still tells you no and gives bulls*it excuses then you have your answer.
nadiaj2727 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Well, I don't give up that easily. I'm going to be hiring a PI this week to dig up whatever information they can on the woman. And I'll do what I can from my end and I'll go from there. Maybe I should call DCFS as well because I think she's abusing her children. Okay then I am not sure why you are here asking for our advice? It sounds like you've got it all figured out. Good luck with all of that but I think it will just make you miserable... if your goal at the moment is to destroy this woman's life, how can you ever be truly happy?
NoIDidn't Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Ok I exaggerated about us spending every night together. Many nights, but not every. The thing I'm worried about lately is that he might be trying to get me pregnant. I know it only turns him on to say this, but he always talks about getting me pregnant when we have sex lately, especially last night. This is bothering me since I told him I don't want to birth any children. I'd probably use a surrogate before anything else would happen. He also does not like to use protection because he wants to feel me more and enjoys coming inside me. I am on birth control, but that I know fails as well. I'm going to have to enforce condom usage from now on as I don't trust him. He knows I can get any man I want, so maybe he wants me to be tied down to him. The nights he sees me, he either tells his wife he works late or sneaks off in the middle of the night. Hoo-Hoo!!! This thread is a hoot!!!! The bolded part is the funniest part. Let me get this straight. His W doesn't like to use condoms because it "insults her", but then the OP turns around and says that "he doesn't like to use condoms". Does anyone else see the writing on the wall? Not that this man is great to his W and kids to begin with, but he is such an obvious and bold faced liar. Too funny. Twisted are you for real? LOL.
twistedapart1 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 What is in the best interests for the children you ask? For starters, being away from the harmful hands of the mother. This last weekend, he alluded to the possibility that those children are being harmed when he is at work. Bruise marks and some even around the throat. That is not a good sign if she cannot handle her frustrations and takes it out on the kids.
NoIDidn't Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Twisted please tell me you aren't that gullible to believe that he doesn't want the children he had with his W, but he wants to get you pregnant? A man that doesn't want kids, doesn't want them with anyone. Regardless of how he feels about a woman. I think he doesn't like to use condoms, period. I bet his W didn't want to have four kids either because she is the one left taking care of them, not him. I know I don't know that man, but I don't believe one bit of his story. Have YOU seen bruises on his kids? Have you even SEEN his kids? I know you are head over heels for this man, but seriously you should take a good look at the trees in your forrest. You are being led around in circles by an accomplished "guide".
twistedapart1 Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 Twisted please tell me you aren't that gullible to believe that he doesn't want the children he had with his W, but he wants to get you pregnant? A man that doesn't want kids, doesn't want them with anyone. Regardless of how he feels about a woman. I think he doesn't like to use condoms, period. I bet his W didn't want to have four kids either because she is the one left taking care of them, not him. I know I don't know that man, but I don't believe one bit of his story. Have YOU seen bruises on his kids? Have you even SEEN his kids? I know you are head over heels for this man, but seriously you should take a good look at the trees in your forrest. You are being led around in circles by an accomplished "guide". Mam, his wife tricked my mm by telling him she was on birth control pills. I've met her a few times as I'm sort of a friend of the family. She always boasted about wanting a large family. I'm just trying to tell my MM to be careful and maybe refrain from sex with her altogether as she's trying to trap him into more responsibilities. I honestly can't even envision them having any type of sexual relations as it makes me want to vomit. He said it's been relatively dry in that department since the birth of their last child. I hope that has some form of honesty to it.
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