Author twistedapart Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 The only thing I'm fearful about if this relationship somehow does not work out, although I'm definitely positive it will. It's that a long time ago he taped us having sex on his camcorder. Now, I don't know what happened to the footage. I was a little tipsy when we took it and it was probably some of our hottest moments. Is there anyway to legally get the tape destroyed or prevent him from using it for anything?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Where do you get these stats from exactly? According to CDC's National Center for Health Statistics: The statistics for affair-born relationships are even more extreme: Fewer than 10% of all extramarital affair relationships will actually result in a marriage between the two affair partners.* If an affair-born relationship does result in a marriage, 3 out of 4 of those couples can expect their new marriage to also end in divorce.* What does this mean? It means that for every 100 extramarital relationships - less than 10 of the unfaithful spouses will actually marry his or her affair partner. If the affair partners do marry, 75% of those marriages will also end in divorce - which means that at best, less than 3 out of every 100 affair born relationships will result in a marriage that does not end in divorce! (And this doesn't take into account marital separation, only legal divorce, which brings the success rate down from the already generous but alarmingly low 2.5%!) I had quoted this in an earlier post.
sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 The only thing I'm fearful about if this relationship somehow does not work out, although I'm definitely positive it will. It's that a long time ago he taped us having sex on his camcorder. Now, I don't know what happened to the footage. I was a little tipsy when we took it and it was probably some of our hottest moments. Is there anyway to legally get the tape destroyed or prevent him from using it for anything? Have you aked him for the tape?
nadiaj2727 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I must say this post really bothered me. I felt as though something isn't quite right here. All my bells are going off for this wife. I agree that something isn't quite right here -- but all my bells were going off that this is a troll. I'm not going to waste my time giving advice because it's either a troll or a person beyond help. Plus, I don't have any advice on how to break up a marriage and take something that doesn't belong to you.
noforgiveness Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I have a feeling someone is trying to stir the board up.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 That's definitely the reason he complains that he is "stuck". He has four kids, three in which he never wanted. He said that she tricked him into at least two of the pregnancies by claiming to be on the pill and insisted not to use condoms as it insulted her. She wanted more kids and he didn't. If he's telling you this and getting away with it, I can't imagine what he's telling his wife and getting away with. I think he's lying to you both, which wouldn't be unheard of. Is there anyway to legally get the tape destroyed or prevent him from using it for anything? Why does it worry you? Why would you think he would use it in some way?
Author twistedapart Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 I agree that something isn't quite right here -- but all my bells were going off that this is a troll. I'm not going to waste my time giving advice because it's either a troll or a person beyond help. Plus, I don't have any advice on how to break up a marriage and take something that doesn't belong to you. People don't STEAL men.. men have their own free will. I doubt you had any intellectually creative ideas to drop me anyways..
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Exactly - he has his own free will - as does his wife. Yet you ask for advice from us to help YOU subvert their free will and influence their choices. See the irony?
Impudent Oyster Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I hear there are some guys who hang out at Joes Bar who will make her go away for about five grand.... Alternatively, you could always try Voodoo or Santeria.
Author twistedapart Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Exactly - he has his own free will - as does his wife. Yet you ask for advice from us to help YOU subvert their free will and influence their choices. See the irony? So you have no "influence" over ANYONE in your entire life? Does that mean everytime we advise someone, we are "subverting their free will"? I don't think so. Since we live in free country, I think it's impossible for me to "subvert" anyone's free will. Influence.. maybe. But influence is a part of life that exists in every relationship. That's just LIFE!
Author twistedapart Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 He has been after me at my work from the get-go, just like every other man in the office. Marriage or not, a person does not BELONG to anyone. Only himself and he is responsible for his choices. LOL@ me "stealing" him away from someone. He came to me hunny MANY TIMES! LOL
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Of course we can influence those we care about. But, if we truly care about them, we use that influence to advise them to do things that are in their best interests, not in ours. Let's just say that everything he has said to you is 100% true. Even IF that is the case (and it's highly unlikely) and his wife is a horrible shrew, is it really in his best interests to begin what will likely become an adversarial, expensive, drawn-out divorce with the woman who bore his children, become a "part-time" dad who pays child support, continue on in a relationship that, at least statisically has a minimal chance of succeeding and would be one that his children certainly wouldn't approve of (depends on their ages, I guess) and create havoc and long-lasting repercussions for his immediate and extended family? Or would his leaving simply be in YOUR best interests?
Author twistedapart Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Of course we can influence those we care about. But, if we truly care about them, we use that influence to advise them to do things that are in their best interests, not in ours. Let's just say that everything he has said to you is 100% true. Even IF that is the case (and it's highly unlikely) and his wife is a horrible shrew, is it really in his best interests to begin what will likely become an adversarial, expensive, drawn-out divorce with the woman who bore his children, become a "part-time" dad who pays child support, continue on in a relationship that, at least statisically has a minimal chance of succeeding and would be one that his children certainly wouldn't approve of (depends on their ages, I guess) and create havoc and long-lasting repercussions for his immediate and extended family? Or would his leaving simply be in YOUR best interests? I don't see how it's in his best interests to stay in a miserable marriage. It seems to be only in everyone else's interests like the family and possibly kids. But even kids don't want constant drama and yelling in the household between mom and dad. Convenience and dependence is keeping them together. A push in the right direction is needed imo. Sure, staying together is "easier" and "simpler", but it's not healthy if it's that tarnished.
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Dissapear from his life 100% that should kick things into fast gear either way. My guess is though nothing will change in the homefront, he is using you for support as an escape from his problems but seems clear that he won't leave so why would you waste your time making it his homelife more bearable? Very good point!
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 How about planning something that will get guaranteed results? Tell him that you love him and want to be with him, but that until he shows up on your doorstep with a finalized divorce and a lease to his new place that he is not to contact you in any way, shape or form and as long as he is married he is dead to you. That will knock him off the fence. Question is: will it be in your favor? Probably not. It rarely if ever works out that way and even when it does, the TOW dipper goes running back home. Since I'm always outta the loop anyway, I'll ask: what's TOW? Stop laughing...
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I don't see how it's in his best interests to stay in a miserable marriage. It seems to be only in everyone else's interests like the family and possibly kids. But even kids don't want constant drama and yelling in the household between mom and dad. Convenience and dependence is keeping them together. A push in the right direction is needed imo. Sure, staying together is "easier" and "simpler", but it's not healthy if it's that tarnished. And that may be true, but isn't that his decision to make? I think you trying to influence it may only come back to bite you later. You want him to make this decision on his own, with as clear of a head as he can have. The last thing you want is for him to have moments of regret and then blame you for them (which may happen anyway).
nittygritty Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I don't see how it's in his best interests to stay in a miserable marriage. It seems to be only in everyone else's interests like the family and possibly kids. But even kids don't want constant drama and yelling in the household between mom and dad. Convenience and dependence is keeping them together. A push in the right direction is needed imo. Sure, staying together is "easier" and "simpler", but it's not healthy if it's that tarnished. I agree. Is there anyway you can get a copy of the tape to his wife?
Impudent Oyster Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Mail the tape to her in a plain brown wrapper, and make sure you leave no return address.
sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I had quoted this in an earlier post. It's funny when people quote stats provided by government organizations on infidelity because in my entire lifetime I have never filled out a census form of any type, nor have I participated in any poll regarding my marital well being. yet I can easily contribute to that statistic if given a chance. I am sure I am not alone.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Statistics are what you make of them, I guess. Its a pretty popular number though. I see it on more than a few sites than this one. As for mailing the W the tape - well, that should shake things up. Twisted, four children is a lot to pay child support for. Have you thought about how your lifestyle is going to change when you have a man on your hands who is having to pay child support for four children, plus alimony? Chances are you'll be working a lot to help him pay to keep his wife in the lifestyle to which she is accustomed and no doubt which will be awarded to her by the courts. Do you live in an AOA/CC (alienation of affection/criminal conversation) state? Let's hope not. You'd stand to lose just as much, if not more so than your MM.
sarme Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Statistics are what you make of them, I guess. Its a pretty popular number though. I see it on more than a few sites than this one. As for mailing the W the tape - well, that should shake things up. . It's a governmental official stat site, of course you will see that number everywhere the media takes their stats from there too hun.
Art_Critic Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Mail the tape to her in a plain brown wrapper, and make sure you leave no return address. Why would anyone mail a tape knowing full and well that it will alter the lives of 4 children ? The children will be the ones that catch the fallout... then the person who damages their lives in that fashion is the same one who wants to wind up being their step mother. Seems a bit hurtful
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 It's a governmental official stat site, of course you will see that number everywhere the media takes their stats from there too hun. Like I said, make of it what you will.
CallMeCrazy Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 LucreziaBorgia, can you please post the link to the site where you got those statistics for the relationships born from extramarital affairs? I wanted to share it with a friend... and cannot find it on the CDC's site. Thanks!
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I have the link, but you have no PM's yet and I can't post the link here but if you look on the CDC site you'll want to find the Fast Stats A-Z, and look in the index for Divorce. In that category, you'll find a subcategory for Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage. There will be a pdf file that comes up with detailed data. The site that I found that I quoted from distills it down to the 3% figure that people come up with.
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