Lauriebell82 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 hi everyone, this is a continuation from my other thread..I thought I'd just start a new one since it's kind of a new topic, and you guys were very helpful on other one. Like I said everything is going really well with my boyfriend and I. I elected not to talk to him about the marriage thing or anything, and just enjoy our relationship. Onto the situation. Last night we were talking on the phone and he was on his computer looking at his stocks. I asked him how I was going to engage him in a conversation with him doing something else. He then jokingly siad "What did you say? Did you ask me if I am ready to get engaged? Did you say that you are looking at engagment rings online?" So I was like, "No, that's not what I said." Then he laughed and said he was joking. What the hell?? Did he want me to ask him those questions? Is he trying to torture me???? It didn't anything to do with marriage or engagement, as a therapist we use the term "engaging a client in a session," so I suppose I was just using professional phrasing from work. I'm debating on asking whether or not to ask what the purpose of that joke was, I didn't find it funny at all and I don't want him to joke about something as serious as engagement/marriage. What does everyone think?
spookie Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 What does everyone think? I think you should let it go. If you bring it up he's going to think you're overreacting / desperate to get engaged and men can get woozy from those kinds of thoughts.
tanbark813 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I think he made a lame joke and you're reading way too much into it.
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I think you need to not use the following words (and their varied forms) in conversation with him: 1 - marriage 2 - engage 3 - nuptual 4 - chapel 5 - ring 6- bridesmaid 7 - dress 8 - tuxedo 9 - cake 10-honeymoon Girl, for some reason, this boy is seriously tweaking over the thought of marrying you. I wouldn't be so convinced that things are as rosy as you think. I mean, within a few days, he has gone off twice about the prospect of marriage with you. Perhaps you are sending out some kind of vibe that you are not aware of, and he is feeling some kind of pressure from you. What do you think?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 Girl, for some reason, this boy is seriously tweaking over the thought of marrying you. I wouldn't be so convinced that things are as rosy as you think. I mean, within a few days, he has gone off twice about the prospect of marriage with you. Perhaps you are sending out some kind of vibe that you are not aware of, and he is feeling some kind of pressure from you. What do you think? I don't think I'm pressuring him, actually I never even bring up marriage or engagement! Usually it's HIM talking about houses and he's usually the one who links our future together, like with the wedding scenerio. Honestly I have never pressured him or even indicated that Im desperate to get married or engaged. Things are really going well with us, at least I thought they were. Maybe he is getting scared that because things are going well that I'm going to start wanting to get engaged? I don't know, I can't figure this out.
shadowplay Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I think you need to not use the following words (and their varied forms) in conversation with him: 1 - marriage 2 - engage 3 - nuptual 4 - chapel 5 - ring 6- bridesmaid 7 - dress 8 - tuxedo 9 - cake 10-honeymoon lol
shadowplay Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Sounds to me like he's feeling some internal pressure or conflict about the marriage thing. How long have you guys been together? Like you said maybe he assumes you want to because you guys have been together for awhile and your relationship is going well. Whatever the reason, marriage is on his mind.
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Maybe he is getting scared that because things are going well that I'm going to start wanting to get engaged? I don't know, I can't figure this out. Well, that could be, too. That he is working himself into a tizzy. But, that generally comes from somewhere. Think his fam is pressuring him? Like you've been dating long enough and he should commit or something? OK, if it happens THRICE, I would address it and ask him why he is tweaking over this. There is a cause, we just don't know what it is...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 Sounds to me like he's feeling some internal pressure or conflict about the marriage thing. How long have you guys been together? Even if he doesn't feel any pressure from you maybe he assumes you want to because you guys have been together for awhile and your relationship is going well. We have been together for a year and 4 months (16 months). So we have been together for awhile now and things are going well.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 Well, that could be, too. That he is working himself into a tizzy. But, that generally comes from somewhere. Think his fam is pressuring him? Like you've been dating long enough and he should commit or something? OK, if it happens THRICE, I would address it and ask him why he is tweaking over this. There is a cause, we just don't know what it is... Hmm, actually I thought of that. We just went to visit his family for Thanksgiving and his mom LOVES me. Maybe she is asking him what his intentions are with me now that we've been together a long time, and he is feeling pressure.
Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I think you need to not use the following words (and their varied forms) in conversation with him: 1 - marriage 2 - engage 3 - nuptual 4 - chapel 5 - ring 6- bridesmaid 7 - dress 8 - tuxedo 9 - cake 10-honeymoon Add to the list: 11- Gift registry 12- Baby 13- Joint checking Girl, for some reason, this boy is seriously tweaking over the thought of marrying you. I wouldn't be so convinced that things are as rosy as you think. I mean, within a few days, he has gone off twice about the prospect of marriage with you. Perhaps you are sending out some kind of vibe that you are not aware of, and he is feeling some kind of pressure from you. What do you think? I don't think he's "tweaking," but perhaps there is some sort of vibe you're sending that you're unaware of...?
Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 You know what's funny, LB? It seems like just yesterday you were new to LS talking about your brand new relationship. Look how far you've come!
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Hmm, actually I thought of that. We just went to visit his family for Thanksgiving and his mom LOVES me. Maybe she is asking him what his intentions are with me now that we've been together a long time, and he is feeling pressure. That really could be it, hon. His Mom and fam could be doing the stressing. Which is NOT fair to you. As suggested, if it happens three times, I'd bring it up... otherwise, it may be male PMS...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 That really could be it, hon. His Mom and fam could be doing the stressing. Which is NOT fair to you. As suggested, if it happens three times, I'd bring it up... otherwise, it may be male PMS... Yeah, I think it may be his family too. My best friend got married this past summer and she said the more her now husband brought her home when they were dating, the more his mom kept asking him when he was going to propose. Honestly I never bring it up. I don't want to rush him, I'm in no rush myself, but this mind game crap is driving me nuts. Actually I just got off the phone with him and I'm very tired so I was falling asleep, and he said "Man, you seem tired, I can't even ENGAGE you in a conversation." (he emphasized the word "engage." So whatever, I don't know what his deal is! Thanks for the list of words..I need to mentally stash some of those!
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 OMG - he totally broke the rules! Does he know he can't say that word without repercussions! So, obviously he was playing off of what you had to say last night. But the way he did it, was like he was digging into ENGAGE. Damn him! OK, that's strike three. Time for the chat.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 OK, that's strike three. Time for the chat. Any suggestions on what to say? I don't want to freak him out or make him feel pressured.
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Well, I would wait until he is in a calmer place and then broach it like this: Hon, I need to ask you something, and I don't want to make a huge deal out it, really. I know we can always say what we need to to each other, and I love that about us. Lately, it seems like you are bristling a little over the topic of marriage. It's come up a few times recently in casual conversation, and it seemed to upset you, Can you please let me know what you're thinking? Of course, that is my chick-way, and I am sure the boys can weigh in FAR better on how best they think you should bring it up. My advice on this part of communication ends at the tip of my boobies...
melodymatters Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I don't know....the fact that he has TWICE now teased you about or with, the word " engage(ed)" doesn't show me that he is freaking out about it. Rather the opposite. I don't want to get your hopes up, but maybe he has something up his sleeve. Worst case scenario, guys don't joke about that subject if they're " tweaking" instead they get touchy and defensive. relax and keep loving him, things sound good !
Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I don't know....the fact that he has TWICE now teased you about or with, the word "engage(ed)" doesn't show me that he is freaking out about it. Rather the opposite. I don't want to get your hopes up, but maybe he has something up his sleeve. Worst case scenario, guys don't joke about that subject if they're " tweaking" instead they get touchy and defensive. I don't want to get your hopes up either, but I have to agree as well.
tanbark813 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I don't know....the fact that he has TWICE now teased you about or with, the word " engage(ed)" doesn't show me that he is freaking out about it. Rather the opposite. I don't want to get your hopes up, but maybe he has something up his sleeve. Worst case scenario, guys don't joke about that subject if they're " tweaking" instead they get touchy and defensive. Word. Either he's going to pop the question or he's just f**king with her because he knows it gets her girly brain wheels spinning and she starts overanalyzing.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 WOAH, you guys think he is going to propose??? Hmm, I don't know I think I would be shocked at hell if he did. He's been asking me what my parents think about him lately too, which is weird. Like he always asks me what my dad says about him and stuff. I tell him that they really like him (which they do). I have my doubts that it is going to happen, but who knows with him. He is very confusing.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 So, he just sent me a text message saying he's buying my Christmas present...
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Tell him it better be an E or F in color, with very little inclusions...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Tell him it better be an E or F in color, with very little inclusions... LOL, well I was thinking about throwing out a little joke there myself by using the word "engage" and accenting it like he did. I'd like to see his reaction to that!
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 You're not listening to me lauriebelle. The next time he starts jacking around with you, just grunt. If he asks "What?", you tell him you were using manspeak, didn't he understand it?
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