on this break

[greenizs8]

I'll try my best not to bore you with a long drawn out rundown of my relationship but i need advice so here's the skinny on it.

background on both of us.... i was techinally still married when i met him just waiting on my divorce my x cheated on me. he was also in the same position with his soon to be x cheating on him. just the state we live in it takes a yr for a divorce to go through or in my case it took like 16 months. So shortly after we met and had been talking he had to go on a 6 month deployment. during that time while he was gone he called me several times a day every day i talked to him all the time and really got to know him even better because for a while there all we had was the phone and emails. he was gone for like around 6 months or so. Everything about him was so different then my x i was just drawn to him and same with him towards me, i hadnt ever really believed in soulmates until i met him. I was with my X for like 7 yrs and never once felt like i do when im with W. Because of my past with my x i have some things in my personal life that i still struggle with. IE an irrational fear of abandonment. I was in a bad relationship with my x he was abusive on ever level and the cheating to boot just built up a lot of insecurites that i have been dealing with for quite sometime now.

Well after W came back i guess i let those fears of mine surface again and i tend to do this thing where i sabatoge a realationship out of an irrational fear it will end on its own. Well W saw me doing this a lot right before he came back and even after he got back and well he just told me one day he didnt want to do this any more he loved me but he couldn't have someone who is so insecure around him he wants to insure that the women he brings into his daughters life are going to be positve role models. Which i understand..... Well after a day or so we talked and he and I agreed to do lunch and while we were eating he told me he was going to totally end it but he wanted to follow his heart this time and not end it so we are taking a break.... he says hes not stepping away just stepping back.

 

So since the break which was end of Oct we have gone even a week or so at a time with out NC. I had to go up to where he lives for a traffic ticket so we did lunch one day. and he played me this song in the car by tracy chapman the promise.... very touching song i cried. its basicly a song asking me to wait for him.

After I got him i just go stir crazy because i want to talk to him yet im trying to give him his space finally we talked right before thanksgiving and i was ready to throw in the towel because i wanted more. Well it was hard to do that and i felt like i couldn't say what i was feeling so we just got off the phone and agreed to talk the next day well i was at wk and couldn't talk so we didnt talk at all over the holiday. then on sunday i was missing him so much i wrote him an email telling him i wanted to see him and i would be coming up. So I went up to see him and everything was wonderful like it always is. he even told me he loved me again which was weird because since the break he doesnt say it. Well he called me last night before i had to go to wk telling me he misses me and whatnot and how he had such a great time with me. I told him that he should come down to see me this weekend and he said he might just do that.

I hate waiting on a response i want to know now if he's coming so i dont get my hopes up, i hate this feeling of not knowing what he wants to do.

Im trying not to call and let him call me because that was part of our problem and same with the emails i did email him again this morning a short email just trying to get him to write me back and let me know if he was going to come or not on saturday..... and we're really slow at my job right now so im not even scheduled to work the next few days and i normally like to work because it helps me not think about all this. now i have nothing but time on my hands and i feel like im going stir crazy not knowing if hes coming or not knowing what to do in the mean time.... Any advice?

[greenizs8]

i know i'm new and all but i would love some feedback on what to do in this situation, he wrote me an email yesterday afternoon and that was the last i heard from him so i dont know if hes coming to see me he said he would let me know i dont want to put my life on hold for him but at the same time because of our schedules this weekend will be like of of the last times i can see him before like jan. i just miss him so much i just dont know what to do....