Depressed

[Tracey111]

I was seeing my guy for 6 years and the last 3 were up and down due to his committment issues. I am 42 and he is 53 and had known eachother for years before we started to go out as a couple. We were really happy and 'in love' until I started to bring up buying a home together and building a life together and then the 'switch' happened. It has been 'switching' off and on for the last three years and then in September I said to him via E-mail that if we don't make a committment, there is nothing else for us to talk about, with an attachment about men with committment issues. He called me and said "ok, theres this house on ......when do you want to go look at it?" OMG...I was so ecstatic, we started looking at where we would move, how we would do it etc.

The 'switch' came 2 weeks ago, once again. We were on the phone, and he said "ya know the house thing? Well, I don't want to do it....my house is paid off next October (it's a dump), and you understand don't you??" I told him that he has been a constant source of frustration for me in the last 3 years and that no, I didn't understand. If we both sold our homes, we would have a house paid off so what was his next excuse. I then said that he would continue to repeat the same pattern, as he always has, but that I was moving on. I said that I was hanging up the phone now and said good-bye. That was two weeks ago. He called 1 week after that conversation to see how I was as he heard I was sick, (I was), and that he was concerned. I didn't return the call.

I am so pissed and so fed up but I still love him. I feel like it was a 'back handed' break-up and that he wanted to break up but wanted me to take the responsibility for it. He knew what I would say if we weren't moving to the next level.

I don't know. I am depressed.

[daisydufas22]

Honestly, I think you are better off without him. The guy cannot commit and uses silly excuses.

 

I am sorry it has hurt you but I think you can do so much better! You deserve better and so much more than this guy was willing to give. IMO he would have acted like this with anyone....it's NOT you who has the problem, it's him! He will continue to act like this and he will have a very lonely life. You, on the other hand, have a great heart and it's only a matter of time before you find someone who adores you for you!

 

Happiness is the best revenge!

 

Hope you are doing well....BIG HUGS!

[Tracey111]

I have been forcing myself to go out, but the issue is this...we know and hang out with the same people. I havne't said anything to them but am acting happy and available. I want him to know I am moving on. I am trying but it is so hard with Christmas coming and I have spent every Christmas with his family as mine are all deceased. It feels like I've lost all of them. We just had them to my house for Thanksgiving and told the parents that we are buying a house together....I feel like I've been left at the altar.....

[Tripper]

Sorry for your pain, luv, but from what you've posted it sounds like you want an "under the same roof" relationship while he's happy with the status quo of separate living spaces (and personal space).

 

I went through something similar with an LDR where the entire onus was on me to make the commute/move, and on top of it all she expected to keep her furniture and have me get rid of most of mine. As painful as it was I broke it off as I didn't see any point; as much as I loved her and cared there was no future.

 

It doesn't matter if you wanted to break it off or he was forcing your hand. The pain for you is real. But going forward you need to find someone who has the same relationship goal in mind.

 

I can't blame him for not wanting what you want, but I do fault him for acting so poorly towards you. It sounds like he would make the decision that he figured you wanted to hear, then panic knowing in his heart he wouldn't be happy with it.

[bustertypsy]

Tracey,leave him be and let him know what he has just given up.In my experience this is what will wake him up.Men need to lose,to know what they had.Leave him alone and he will come back.If he doesn't then he wasn't worth it anyway.But I know he will,I'm a man.

Good Luck!!

[shayna]

Buster- you always have such positive words. They help me get thru the day...

[bustertypsy]

Buster- you always have such positive words. They help me get thru the day...

 

Hey Shayna,what a lovely compliment....thank you!!!!

[Tracey111]

Thanks for the input....The biggie is, I know I will hear from him....maybe not today or tomorrow, but I will. I always do and we get back on track and then things are absolutley wonderful and of sourse, we start talking about moving in together or he will ask me, "what do you think I should do with my house?", and then the conversation starts up again and here we go! Then the panic sets in and he gets irritable and whammo!!!!!!!!! This crap has been going on for 3 YEARS! We have been together for 6. Ok, his house is paid off in Oct 08, but if we pooled resources, we would still have a house paid off. WTH......I can't figure it out. And, when I do hear from him, what the heck do I do? Go for round # 1001.....??? And I love him so I am vulnerable to him. I have told him that I won't be his friend...it's too hard....but he will try! And it will kill me to be his friend. i don't want to move on, per se,but I feel like I am always in limbo with him. When we are good, we are amazing....that is what leads to the talks about moving in together...if it wasn't so damn good, I wouldn't even think of it. I have been on my own for 18 years as well and it's been great, but I am ready to settle down. I just don't get it.

[Racquel Colette]

OK, why are you making a big deal out of buying a house together, this guy hasn't even PROPOSED yet. Don't put the cart before the horse, you need to be married to have the true commitment, not buy a house together.