if you've been cheated on, did you suspect it?

[sedgwick]

People on here have speculated that the reason my ex broke up with me was because there was someone else. I haven't talked to him for three months TODAY (so woo to that), and I know he wasn't with anyone the last time we spoke. Mutual friends confirmed at that time that he wasn't with anyone else. Since then I've been NC.

 

But of course there's the nagging feeling that keeps bothering me. What if he WAS after someone? Would I have known he was losing interest in me? Have you ever had someone cheat on you but still felt the same emotional and sexual connection with them right up to the end, or did you sense them pulling away?

[daisydufas22]

I am sorry you are going through this....BIG HUGS!

 

I honestly had NO idea I was being cheated on. It was going on for two years ...... The only reason I found out is that she called to inform me that she was pregnant with his baby. I packed his bags and asked him to leave.

 

Sex did not change. Affection did not change. No talk of other women. It just came 'out of the blue'.

 

We still spent the same amount of time together and he acted so committed.

 

He begged to stay but I couldn't do it to myself. I could not live with someone who was like that!

 

The only warning sign......was that he wanted to become a Christian, she was a Christian. I did not see that as a warning sign. I thought he just wanted to explore the spirtual side of himself. I told him to go for it but I have my own beliefs and I informed him I was happy to stick with my beliefs.

 

Sometimes there are warning signs and other times there are no warning signs. Other times the warning signs are there but we just don't pick up on them.

 

Trust your 'little voice'.

 

My advice..... get on with your life. Date others, make yourself happy and learn to smile again! He is not worth the hassle and you deserve better.

 

I know there is a happy ending for you. Chin up!

[cj1988]

I would have never known if had not rubbed it in my face everytime she was around......then they started talking all the time, found STAMAX in his truck and unsual smelling napkins in his truck.....he did start pulling away from me emotionally when I started to figure it out and tried to intefere....then he got defensive told me I was insecure and had major issues....all the signs are always there, you just have to know what to look for !

[mav100]

I have been cheated on numerous times by different girlfriends, and if there is one thing I have learned, trust your gut instincts on it.

 

Gut instincts are the brains way of "noticing" things that are out of place. Seemingly ordinary things that occur that are slightly "out of the ordinary" can trigger this.

 

Let me give you an example from my last relationship:

 

I played darts 1 night a week during my last relationship. The league started about a month before I caught her cheating. I always asked her to come out to the matches, but she never came, saying she'd just rather stay home and she'd see me when I got back. Not completely out of the ordinary since she isn't a bar person. However, considering she used to come out anywhere I asked her to, it was "slightly out of the ordinary", but nothing I took notice of.

 

I came home from work one day, and she had put on nail polish and makeup. Not completely out of the ordinary, except I can't remember any other time over the previous year that she had done it.

 

She asked me to get a telephone number for an old friend of hers that I worked with, saying she wanted to start dancing again and she's still doing it so she wanted to call her. Once again not really out of the ordinary, but said friend was also friends with her ex.

 

Add all of these things together, and you'd most likely not catch right on, but just get a "gut feeling" something strange was going on. I know I did.

 

And of course, then the fun, obvious stuff started happenning. He showed up at the door of our home one night. She was getting and making telephone calls to him. She said she wanted "space" and asked me to move out but to continue dating. I was supposed to be out of town the next night, but I wasn't, and I caught her in our house with him.

 

As far as feelings go, cheaters not knowing what they want, I'd agree that sometimes they don't. They want to explore their options. Even the night she asked me to move out, after we argued a bit, we discussed me moving and she then backed out of it, said she still loved me and was just still messed up (her mother had died a few months earlier). If I recall correctly, we even had sex that night when we went to bed(I know, TMI). Even after I caught her with the ex I got the "I dunno what I want" crap from her for a week or two. So yes, I think cheaters can sometimes be confused about what they want. It's the old "grass is greener" syndrome.

 

Bottom line, always trust your instincts. If you get a gut feeling, do a little nosing around. Even someone you trust implicitly can at some point cheat. If you do catch on, dump them and don't look back. If you weren't good enough for them to stay faithful in the first place, you won't be good enough for them to continue to remain faithful.

[brothermartin]

Hey SEDGWICK. I was cheated on a long time ago and I suspected it, but the relationship was pretty much over before that and we knew it.