Author Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 What do you mean LDR for a while until y'all figure things out? Are you feeling fear because you're afraid things might end? For financial reasons, when he gets out of the military in January he will have to return to Idaho temporarily until/unless one of the jobs he wants here in California comes through. I guess as that day when he's discharged approaches I get more and more afraid that that's going to be the end, if that makes sense. Do you fear that your love will be unreturned? Yes, or that it won't be enough.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I didn't read the whole thread SG, but did you guys say "I love you" yet?
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Well, what a lovely problem to have! I would say just embrace it, and enjoy it.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Yes, or that it won't be enough. It will be returned, and you are more than enough. We both know that he is beginning to plan his future around you! You realize the implications of this... correct?
Author Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 But that "high" that you're on doesn't last forever. It's not realistic to expect that it will. As for the rest...I loved Shadowplay's post. Both my H and I just came out with it, very early on and admitted how we felt. No holding back! It does relieve some of that "scary" part. So I do agree with that. Do you think you finally found the "real deal?" I'm happy for you too, SG! Enjoy the hell out of this...that high really is fleeting. Hold on to it as long as you can. Yes, Touche... I really think I found the real deal. I want so badly for this to work. I know the good can't be expected 100% of the time, but comparing it to this overwhelming sense of fear... I just want that fear to go away, ya know? How soon did you and your H let it all out? I do agree that IF I were to tell him how I really feel and IF he were to tell me he feel the same that it would relieve a TON of the scary feelings... But I'm too scared to even take that risk. What if I freak him out and push him away? I really think he knows without being told, if you know what I mean.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 It will be returned, and you are more than enough. We both know that he is beginning to plan his future around you! You realize the implications of this... correct? Hmm. No?
Touche Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Yes, Touche... I really think I found the real deal. I want so badly for this to work. I know the good can't be expected 100% of the time, but comparing it to this overwhelming sense of fear... I just want that fear to go away, ya know? Believe me, I understand. But it will pass soon enough. It will. How soon did you and your H let it all out? I do agree that IF I were to tell him how I really feel and IF he were to tell me he feel the same that it would relieve a TON of the scary feelings... But I'm too scared to even take that risk. What if I freak him out and push him away? I really think he knows without being told, if you know what I mean. First of all, if your telling him how you feel freaks him out and pushes him away, then is he really the guy for you, SG? Better to know now. That's not how a man acts. Certainly not one who is in love with you. Be yourself and tell him...or if not, write him a letter or a card. I know you're no wimp. You're a brave woman who keeps taking a chance at love. You can do it! It's clear from his actions that he's in love by the way. As for H and I...well, didn't you know that he proposed after 4 weeks? Yeah, I know...it was fast. But we knew. Sounds like you both do too.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Hmm. No? Trust me, men do not begin picking turning away career options to be around thier GF, without some strong comittment and attachement. The fact that he did not consult you means good things also... at least given the relationship stage you are currently at. It's clear from his actions that he's in love by the way. This is true!
Author Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 First of all, if your telling him how you feel freaks him out and pushes him away, then is he really the guy for you, SG? Better to know now. That's not how a man acts. Certainly not one who is in love with you. Well, if it's irrational for me to feel this way so soon, then telling him could push him away, even if he is the right guy for me...no? I mean, why not wait until it would be more rational to have those feelings, at which point if he did freak out he could be considered not the right guy... Am I making sense? It's clear from his actions that he's in love by the way. Really? Which actions? A friend of mine said the same thing. He's the type who isn't going to say it, he's going to show it. And he has thusfar, but I'm a wordy-person. I need both. As for H and I...well, didn't you know that he proposed after 4 weeks? Yeah, I know...it was fast. But we knew. Sounds like you both do too. No, I didn't know that! Awww!!! All I think "we" know is that we want to be together. But is that a temporary feeling on his part? I don't know.
Touche Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Well, if it's irrational for me to feel this way so soon, then telling him could push him away, even if he is the right guy for me...no? I mean, why not wait until it would be more rational to have those feelings, at which point if he did freak out he could be considered not the right guy... Am I making sense? But who said it was irrational for you to feel as you do. There's no rationality to our feelings when we fall in love. And no, I don't really feel that telling him would push him away if he feels the same way..which I think he does. Really? Which actions? A friend of mine said the same thing. He's the type who isn't going to say it, he's going to show it. And he has thusfar, but I'm a wordy-person. I need both. Then, wait for him to tell you when he's ready too. But he seems to consider you in all his decisions, SG. That's what tells me. I agree with Cobra. No, I didn't know that! Awww!!! All I think "we" know is that we want to be together. But is that a temporary feeling on his part? I don't know. That's all we knew as well, SG. We knew 4 weeks after we met that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Is it a temporary feeling on his part? Only time will tell. Who can ever know those things with 100% certainty. With any luck, it won't be temporary and it will be the "real deal" you think it is. Just have faith...not blind faith though. You'll know soon enough. And try to relax and have fun, SG. Don't worry so much. It it's meant to be it will be. Worrying and fretting about it all won't help. And if you're not comfortable telling him how you feel yet, then don't. It will happen in time and when the time is right.
underpants Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I do agree that IF I were to tell him how I really feel and IF he were to tell me he feel the same that it would relieve a TON of the scary feelings... But I'm too scared to even take that risk. What if I freak him out and push him away? I really think he knows without being told, if you know what I mean. RUN !!!!!!!....just kiddin'. You love him... Star, I didn't take you for a wimp? Come on, put on your big girl panties and just let him know how much you value him and how thankful you are to have met him. Besides if you don't and the relationship fades you might blame yourself for not expressing how you felt when you had the opportunity. I don't like that know without being told stuff. Granted don't turn into a piece of needy velcro that needs to give or get constant validation, but the occassional validation and affirmation is very nice to give and receive. If he freaks out then well, that is his problem. Besides one of the greatest capacity one can have is the ability to express care and love. That does not make you weak. It makes you strong. Now if he is too scared/weak or confused to rise to being able to accept and welcome a new level of intimacy then ...at least you will know. There really are no 'scary' feelings just unknown ones. Good luck counselor.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Star, I didn't take you for a wimp? Come on, put on your big girl panties and just let him know how much you value him and how thankful you are to have met him. Besides if you don't and the relationship fades you might blame yourself for not expressing how you felt when you had the opportunity. Well, I put on my big girl thong and I told him that last night. He knows that much. I just haven't busted out the "L" word.
underpants Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Well, I put on my big girl thong and I told him that last night. He knows that much. I just haven't busted out the "L" word. Ahhhhh Sooooo.....Star' son. You are baiting and hoping he will be the first to give the 'L' response? Oh well, I am not sure how he responded to you. I take it no 'L'. Give him some time and just enjoy having someone in your life. If you feel like telling him because you genuinely feel it then I still think that is okay. In that it is okay to own and express your feelings without expecting any response. *disclaimer....single*
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Well, I put on my big girl thong and I told him that last night. He knows that much. I just haven't busted out the "L" word. Are you okay with saying it first? I for one would never have the guts to do it. But if you love the guy, go for it!!! I mean, honestly SG you should know whether or not he loves you or not, just by things that he does. However, some guys behavior is very confusing, like my boyfriend's!!!!
Author Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 You are baiting and hoping he will be the first to give the 'L' response? Oh well, I am not sure how he responded to you. I take it no 'L'. Maybe I was subconsciously baiting him. Hard to say. He responded in kind. No "L" word.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 You'll know the moment SG. It will slip out and you will go and he will respond with a .
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Maybe I was subconsciously baiting him. Hard to say. He responded in kind. No "L" word. I think it's more special if the guy says it first, but thats just me. I have never been the first to say "i love you." I guess I feel that that is the guy's responsibility to make the first move there. Plus, you don't want to freak him out. Some guys freak out easily, like someone I know's bf! (me)
allina Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Aww SG that's great, other than the panicky feelings that is One thing cracked me up, a few days ago we were talking and you said "I'm nowhere near thinking about the Love stuff" ya liar! I'm glad you've finally found a guy who can sweep you off your feet like he has, I'm sure everything will only get better.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 One thing cracked me up, a few days ago we were talking and you said "I'm nowhere near thinking about the Love stuff" ya liar! It kinda snuck right up and bit me!
Author Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 You'll know the moment SG. It will slip out and you will go and he will respond with a . It's almost slipped out a couple times already...
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 It's almost slipped out a couple times already... Yeah it's hard not to say it. About a month after my boyfriend and I started going out last year, we would hang up the phone and I always had the urge to say "i love you."
underpants Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 It's almost slipped out a couple times already... Well, if you say it don't say it first over the phone. That is funny. You want to say it, but you are scared to say it. I suspect you are going to get frustrated with your feelings and spout it off just to get it out. "I love you dammit! So there."
Touche Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Do you guys tell each other you're crazy about each other? That's what led up to our first "I love yous."
Lauriebell82 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Do you guys tell each other you're crazy about each other? That's what led up to our first "I love yous." My boyfriend used to say "I love being close to you" or "I love to hold you in my arms" before he told me that he loved me for the first time.
allina Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 It kinda snuck right up and bit me! :laugh: Do you guys tell each other you're crazy about each other? That's what led up to our first "I love yous." Same for my bf and I
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