sweet_31_woman Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 My husband and I met 13 years ago. I was pregnant shortly theeafter. We were married when our son was one and one half, and later had two more children. He is an alcoholic but is now trying to stop drinking. We have also shared our bed with another man before (more than one) and he seemed to enjoy it more than i. He has told me before while being drunk that he is bi or gay. He now (sober) says it was a phase and that he is not, but continues to act on this when drinking. I am somewhat embarrassed by this ( he has hit on family) and I don't believe I love him the way that I am supposed to. I resent the fact that he has wanted to share me and has "made" me share myself with his friends, he says he regrets it too now...but still. He continues to love me and is trying to everything in his power to keep me, but still, I am not happy. How do I convince him It's Over and I need him to leave, that I am not in love with him. How do I get a divorce and hurt him. I love him...just not the way I should. I would leave, but three kids, nowhere to go, and I run a home business. Any help? He is not currently in AA, he did go once (by court order) but it was a huge joke to him. He has now slowed WAY down on his drinking but i am left feeling like I don't even care anymore. He wants to rebuild, Idon't anymore. Furthermore I talked to a gay man who has talked to him and he told this other man (1 week ago) that he is bi not gay (and he knows this because he likes to....but honestly, no he don't) What do I do, how do I know that I want to leave and how do I hurt him after so many years together?
LoveLace Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 You are in a difficult situation. But it's clear that you are not happy, to us and to yourself. You love him as a person, but your not in love with him, and that is probably the nicest way you can go about telling him, adding that you think divorce is best. Assure him that you still want his relationship with the children to go on as normal and that you won't do anything to jeopardize (that is, if you feel that way). It's hard to hurt someone you care about. But it can be harder to stick around and hide your true feelings. It sounds as though you are ready for life without him as your husband, but the difficult part is making that happen. Once he's aware of your thoughts, it might take him some time to accept it and really move on. Have either of you thought about counseling or therapy? I don't mean to save the marriage, but simply for therapeutic reasons. Together and/or seperately. It would probably be a good idea for him to return to AA meetings and it sounds as though he is not 100% of his sexuality, he needs to work on those things with or without you.
compassion42 Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 I'm curious, is your husband's sexuality the big issue or is it his alcoholism? Or maybe it's both. Any way you look at it, you sound very unhappy and neither issue is something that can be "fixed". All I can say is I'm sorry and that in all reality, your kids will most likely be better off if you leave him. They sense how unhappy you are and will certainly see the difference when you are out of the relationship and feeling better.
Author sweet_31_woman Posted December 3, 2007 Author Posted December 3, 2007 He has started AA again, and I have made an appointment to start seeing somebody. He offered to go as well and I told him he can go alone and maybe after a while we can go together. Honestly I don't hink this will last, and i honestly don't want it to. I feel as if his new actions come too late and I dont care anymore. I feel myself starting to really dislike him, he has started to acknowledg his actions, and it makes me madder to finally hear him say "it wasn't right, I should have taken no for no" I feel as if his new way is more upsetting for me. Is this normal? He has also started saying that he has the same issues as I do. Like I get chest pains when he is around..now he gets them too. I shake a lot...he does too now (one side only). Its almost like hes trying to make me feel bad for him even more and all I feel is more angry. So I am left to ask, should I continue with my acts for freedom...or should I just continue lifes journey with him for the kids and hope that he continues AA?
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