whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 Maybe though, you should start by just telling her you've been feeling abit unhappy in the relationship and want to know how she feels...I mean, for all you know, she could be having doubts as well... Sorry, I didn't mean to imply you're just gonna dump her and move on - I meant it more in a way, (and some realize this too late) that once she's gone, you'll really miss what you had and wish that you could have it all back with the "If only I had done this, or that..."
Author BlueDog9900 Posted December 6, 2007 Author Posted December 6, 2007 Maybe though, you should start by just telling her you've been feeling abit unhappy in the relationship and want to know how she feels...I mean, for all you know, she could be having doubts as well... Yes, that is exactly what I will do. I will tell her that I've been feeling unhappy in our relationship and want to know how she feels...You are right, I may discover that she has her doubts, too. Thank you!!!!
whichwayisup Posted December 6, 2007 Posted December 6, 2007 You're welcome. Or, you may discover by talking that feelings that you thought were gone, come back once you two really sit and talk. Anyway, I wish you luck as those kinds of conversations are hard enough to have, let alone have a discussion that could end in alot of heartbreaking for both of you.
frannie Posted December 7, 2007 Posted December 7, 2007 Yes, that is exactly what I will do. I will tell her that I've been feeling unhappy in our relationship and want to know how she feels...You are right, I may discover that she has her doubts, too. I agree with WWIU this is probably the best approach. Good luck!
Author BlueDog9900 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 Okay...here's the latest update: OW and I have taken it to the next level. We kissed last night. We'd been trying to hold back until we are both 'officially' single. But, the feelings are just so strong... Today, she calls me and says while it was amazing and she did not want the night to end, she's feeling guilty for feeling so good. For the first time in her life, it's not about everyone else -- it's about her, but she can't fully enjoy it because deep down, she knows that two people, our current partners, will be hurt by all of this. She thinks that the 'right thing' to do is to stop seeing each other until we're single. At the same time, she tells me she wants to see me today, tonight, tomorrow night, the next night, etc. I have told her that I will not 'dump' this on my partner before the holidays, and she understands the situation. I'm feeling a bit pressured at this point and need some advice...
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 This is why spending time alone with the OW is a problem, it was only a matter of time before you two allowed a kiss to happen. You two must stop seeing eachother completely, if you don't - Well, I think you know what's going to happen next and that is very unfair considering you have a girlfriend already as does she. (Though I thought she had broken up with her gf already?) NO more spending time with her, let alone one on one time. Focus on the holidays, keep busy and distance yourself from her. I'm sure your gf must know something isn't right, and if she knows you well, she's going to notice your euphoric mood and put two'n'two together...
Author BlueDog9900 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 NO more spending time with her, let alone one on one time. Focus on the holidays, keep busy and distance yourself from her.quote] WWIU: I don't know that we can distance ourselves from each other!!!!! We agree that it's probably what we should do, but it's much easier said than done. We're both very happy when we're together. The talks, the laughter, it all comes so easily. Maybe if we stop the physical part of our relationship, we will be okay with just 'hanging out' together, until we are both single. She is focusing on moving out of the house she's currently sharing with the ex; I'm trying to focus on the holidays. We both work full-time, attend school part-time, and I spend a day with my Mom every weekend, managing her meds, shopping, errands, etc. So 'keeping busy' is nothing new to me. Every waking moment is about everyone else but me!
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 IT IS ALL on the expense of your partners. Stop it!! You are becoming what you said you didn't want to become. A cheater! Go back and re-read your thread from start to finish.. Yes, it's easier said than done, but think of your partner. What you are doing behind her back is awful and honestly, sorry to be harsh here, but you need to control yourself. You're an adult and in an 11 year relationship...Your partner deserves MORE respect than this - So what if it isn't easy to stay away from the OW - It is your own doing, and the OW's doing...Life is hard and sometimes it really sucks - That doesn't mean you take the easy way out. IF the OW is meant for you, afew weeks, a month of not talking to her WILL NOT kill you. Whatever you two have can be put on hold UNTIL you both break up with your current partners.
Author BlueDog9900 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 IT IS ALL on the expense of your partners. Stop it!! You are becoming what you said you didn't want to become. A cheater! ...Your partner deserves MORE respect than this... IF the OW is meant for you, a few weeks, a month of not talking to her WILL NOT kill you. Whatever you two have can be put on hold UNTIL you both break up with your current partners. WW -- Thanks, really. You are absolutely right. I have become a cheater. My partner DOES deserve more respect. And yes -- IF OW is meant for me, the time apart will not destroy us. Hell, we've waited three years already. I will meet OW for lunch today and tell her that we have to 'cool it' for now...Please help me to stay strong, WW? Keep posting?
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 No, don't meet for lunch. Call her on the phone and have the discussion, seeing her face to face is not a good idea as you are NOT strong enough, and neither is she to fight off the urges anymore. You two crossed the physical line, even though it was just kissing.. Yes, you keep posting and I will keep answering you. You CAN do this and you HAVE to do this. It probably will be hard to do, but do it anyway. NC is NC and NC means no seeing eachother or hanging out, especially one on one. Tell her that it has to be this way.
Author BlueDog9900 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 WW, I will not meet her for lunch. You're right--seeing her face to face is not a good idea, as neither of us is strong enough to fight off the urges anymore. This will be difficult, but it has to be this way. If we are meant to be together, we will find our way back to each other...
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 If we are meant to be together, we will find our way back to each other... Yes. Each of you need to care of your own lives, your own business first, this way when you two DO get together, it's starting off on a more honest footing and not starting off by cheating and betraying your partners. Right now you two have feelings and it's an emotional affair ALMOST a physical affair.. Stay strong and stay away from her. Respect the boundries right now.
Author BlueDog9900 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 We did not see each other yesterday, but we did speak on the phone and exchanged lots of text messages. She's already said, 'I love you' to me on one occasion. I have to admit, I have fallen for her as well. I've never felt so relaxed, so at ease, and at peace with any of my past GF's. There is no turning back -- I want to be with her. I just don't know the 'how to's' of breaking up with someone whom I have shared the past 11 years of our lives together...
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2007 Posted December 12, 2007 Obviously wait until after the holidays..But just tell your partner the truth. She is going to find out about you and the OW very quickly seeing as she knows the OW too. Better for her to hear it from you, than through someone else or seeing you two together. Hopefully someone else can help you too, I saw you posted in the break-up section.
Author BlueDog9900 Posted December 12, 2007 Author Posted December 12, 2007 ..But just tell your partner the truth. . The truth...As in, 'I've fallen out of love with you...we don't want the same things...we both deserve to be happy, to have a partner who puts us each first, no matter what, to have fun and passion'... OR I discovered that I have feelings for someone else.... Do I go down THAT road as well? Or do I leave that part out -- for now at least? HELP ME!!!
Siena Posted January 13, 2008 Posted January 13, 2008 Hey, I was browsing and thought I'd give my 2 cents It's always difficult being the person who ends a relationship - for whatever reason. You need to sit down and really think about why you want to leave your current partner as she will, without doubt, question why you aren't in love with her. I would suggest that you stay clear from the whole "It's not you, it's me. I've found someone else. I love you but I'm not in love with you" because we've all heard similar things before. You do however, need to be upfront and honest as she will be gutted if you don't tell her who the OW is and she finds out through someone else. It always helps to ask her how she feels about you, your relationship, your goals and so on, so that you can see if you're heading down the right path together. The thought of being able to be with someone that is unattainable has always been "popular" in the sense of the word (please don't think that I'm saying you're doing this to be part of the in-crowd! It's late and I can't think of the word I want to use) however, you may have hit a rut in your current relationship and there could be a way to spice it up - which may be exactly what you need after the loss of family. If it's the thrill of being with someone new, the thought of experiencing the lust and sexual desire at it's peak or even the temptation of an emotional affair, is it worth walking away from 11 years of committment with the woman you care for? Good luck hun.
Recommended Posts