Moving On

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Hi everybody, I'm new here, and just needed some honest opinions from a nonbiased source. I am trying to get over a relationship that lasted four years. We have a 2 1/2 year old son together. About a year ago, I had to move out of a bad situation where she and I were living together. We were fighting all the time, mostly because she wouldn't take the next step in our relationship. We were living with her family, and I was completely unhappy there, and told her that straight out, but she wouldn't consider moving out, leading to more arguments. I walked on egg shells around her family for well over a year and a half, and stuck it out, because I loved her and our son. At last I couldn't take it anymore and had to leave.

 

After the break, we still were fighting for a couple months, but then we would be back together, talking, hanging out, like a couple. Then we would fight again. At this point I was living by myself, and to fight the loneliness of living alone without her and our son with me, I would go out all the time for the company of my friends. She didn't like this, and constantly complained about it even though we were technically on a break.

 

This summer I realized what I was missing, and we agreed to work things out. It looked as though everything was going to get better. Every time we were together it was like old times, and we were awesome together. I changed my habits, not going out very much, to please her and hopefully repair the relationship. She didn't see this that way. Friends would call me, some female, whom I had no interest in which I explained to her in no uncertain terms, but she would get jealous about it. We went out for her birthday with a couple friends and had an unbelievable time. A couple days later, my brother had a bachelor party, and I drank entirely too much and ended up getting jumped outside a bar. I had to go to the hospital where she picked me up and took care of me that night and the rest of the next day. In the following weeks, she seemed more distant than usual and didn't want to get together as much, so I asked her what the problem was. She explained that because of the bachelor party incident, she believed I wouldn't change and she didn't want to work on things any longer. We still talked almost everyday after this.

 

A couple of weeks later, over a September weekend, we attended two weddings together, having a great time just she and I. After that we went out to dinner and reconciled some outstanding problems that we had had for some time. Things were looking great, talking again, getting along. Then, at the beginning of October she blew me off on my birthday to see an old friend she hadn't seen in six years, and gave me the cold shoulder about it, saying she planned it and if I wanted to do anything with her, I should have said something, even though I had brought it up on at least three prior occasions. So, needless to say, I was extremely hurt by this, and handled it in a bad way, calling her that weekend, leaving several rude and uncalled for messages, which I have apologized for profusely. She says she cannot forgive me, and now brings up everything bad that has happened over the course of the last four years, and says she is done.

 

Two weeks later, I find out through other sources that she has started dating someone else, but wouldn't admit it even when confronted. After this, I have found out that she was talking to and seeing other men, although very innocently, and hiding other things from me the entire time we were supposedly working on things. Upon learning this, I felt used and strung along, that she was keeping me as a standby while seeing what else was out there, acting jealous when female friends called me, while she was doing much more at the same time. The other day, I found out she is sleeping with the new guy after only about three weeks of dating. This is devastating to me. She knows that I have recognized my faults and want to change them regardless of whether we are together or apart. She says she can't be with me right now, but maybe in the future, although she has also said she knows that I want to change and wishes that she could have those feelings for me and be with me. She says she also doesn't want to go back and have things go back to the way they were, and that she doesn't want to hurt the new guy either, because they "like" each other.

 

Sorry for rambling, but that's just a synopsis. I know that it is over and I can't make someone rekindle the feelings they once had if they are gone for good and I have to move on. The thing that really bothers me is that she decided after four years she was done, I'm sure things piled up so it wasn't an instant thing, but she didn't mourn the relationship, jumping into another one less than two weeks later, then sleeping with him three weeks after that. Is this a rebound? Is she transferring the need to be in a relationship from me to him? And what's the best way for me to move on? Part of me still wants her back, mostly for our son, but the other part just wants to move on, make the necessary changes I have to make to myself, but it still hurts. Again sorry for the long post, but getting it out has kind of helped. It just feels that she is incapable of doing the more difficult thing of reconciling for the fear of being hurt, in favor of doing the easy thing, starting something new and fresh without the fear of being hurt or having to deal with prior issues. Any thoughts? Any advice would be appreciated.