Sammy75 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Hi Everyone I'm not after sympathy....just need to get things off my chest I think. I'm a married woman and met a MM on a forum. We got on really well for months then eventually he asked me to meet him. I resisted for a while, but I gave in. Unfortunately I fell for him BIG TIME. I knew it was wrong, but I'd never felt so connected to anyone in my life. Of course I knew nothing would ever come of it, and he even told me he would never leave his wife. She's been suspiscious for a while and recently found a sort of evidence....and I knew that would be it. I emailed him to say that I knew it was now over, basically I wanted to get in before I had to hear him tell me. I know it's for the best, but I just feel so lost & helpless. I asked if I could email him every now & again to say hello, and he agreed. He said he still cares about me. I don't know if it was all just infatuation for him, he swears it wasn't but then he would say that I suppose. Somehow I wish he would tell me I was just a shag, then I could hate him & get on with it. Somedays I think I'm OK, then, like today I feel like sh*t. He emailed me yesterday to say hello...to be honest I wasn't going to contact him for a while, but I took this as an olive branch and emailed him today, but, alas...no reply. Now I feel I've looked needy. I just feel so sad & miss his company terribly.
frannie Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Hello Sammy, I'm sorry you feel so lost and hopeless now that it's over. Oops I know you said you weren't looking for sympathy! I think it's great that you ended it because it was going nowhere, and you're bound to feel the way you do, missing him and wanting to email him now and then. However, you know that those emails are eventually going to hurt you more and more, especially when you send one and nothing comes back. You say you're married, but still lonely... is there anything you can do about that part of your life..? What was it about MM that felt so different to what you have at home, and can that be restored..?
Shades of Grey Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Hi Sammy, You said you had no expectations and therefore it's seems that this is a case of your relationship coming to its inevitable end. However I can still understand that it's very painful and has left a big hole in your life. I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. I agree with Frannie. Maybe now is a good time to re-evaluate your own marriage. To consider what led you to have this affair in the first place and how you can learn from it and change things for the better. Take care.
cj1988 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I am sorry you feel into this, but why do people fall into A's knowing it will never be and set themselves up to be even more unhappy than before it started. That is beyond me....poeple go into A's looking for what is missing ending up with more pain than before, is it worth all that and the betrayal of YOURSELF and your SPOUSE..... Sweetie, move on with your H or divorce him. I believe if you can fall in love with another person you are NOT in love with your spouse, right? You cannot love 2 people like that, not possible.
Meaplus3 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Hi Everyone I'm not after sympathy....just need to get things off my chest I think. I'm a married woman and met a MM on a forum. We got on really well for months then eventually he asked me to meet him. I resisted for a while, but I gave in. Unfortunately I fell for him BIG TIME. I knew it was wrong, but I'd never felt so connected to anyone in my life. Of course I knew nothing would ever come of it, and he even told me he would never leave his wife. She's been suspiscious for a while and recently found a sort of evidence....and I knew that would be it. I emailed him to say that I knew it was now over, basically I wanted to get in before I had to hear him tell me. I know it's for the best, but I just feel so lost & helpless. I asked if I could email him every now & again to say hello, and he agreed. He said he still cares about me. I don't know if it was all just infatuation for him, he swears it wasn't but then he would say that I suppose. Somehow I wish he would tell me I was just a shag, then I could hate him & get on with it. Somedays I think I'm OK, then, like today I feel like sh*t. He emailed me yesterday to say hello...to be honest I wasn't going to contact him for a while, but I took this as an olive branch and emailed him today, but, alas...no reply. Now I feel I've looked needy. I just feel so sad & miss his company terribly. I know you feel bad, you are greiving the loss of someone who became very important to you. Just be glad it's over now rather than later, you will save yourself so much heartache. My advice to you would be to greive for a long as you need. You have the power to choose the path of healing that's right for you. NC is best as it really help's to dissolve the emotional connection and that's half the battle right there. Read and post here. You will be ok! AP:)
Author Sammy75 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 Thanks everyone Just a little background, I'm 32, I've been married 4 years, been together for 8. We have no children. This may sound stupid, but it's not that I don't love my husband it's just that I love him more than like a brother. I have no sexual feelings for him whatsoever. I think the last time we had sex must've been 7/8 months ago. We don't really do anything as a couple any more. I was flattered when "my" MM started chatting me up online, but it was more than just the flirting - we had so much in common too. He had been married for 16 years (He is actually 14 years older than me), and said that he and his wife were basically in the same situation as me and my husband. Maybe we were just two lonely people looking for some affection? The strange thing is our relationship, if you can call it that, only lasted around 5 months, and I was/am surprised how hard I fell for him and it makes me feel stupid because I have these feelings for him after such a short time. We both told each things we've never told anybody before. This will sound VERY pathetic but it was like he was my soul mate. I am trying hard now to make things work with husband. Maybe something's still there that can be rekindled. Although I must admit last night he tried to initiate sex but I didn't respond, infact, I had my back to him & had tears in my eyes because his touch just isn't the same. I told him I would've been prepared to give everything up for him, I suppose I was very naive to think he would give up 16 years of marriage for me after 5 months! He told me he loved me and I believed him. Maybe I'm just a fool. I always thought I was a good judge of character and could tell when someones telling the truth. Some of the things he said to me....I'm not sure it really was all lies, maybe some of it was. I suppose I'll never really know. The thing that's cutting me up at the moment is the not knowing how he actually feels. Is he not contacting me because he never really cared, or is it because he's the sensible one & knows it's best not to "speak" to each other? Then I sit there making excuses like he's busy. Who am I kidding?! It's also in my mind that he might have only agreed to email contact to keep me happy & not spilling the beans to his wife. Not that I would btw. In a way I'm hoping he won't email me, I've promised myself that I will not contact him now as I'm already feeling like a stalker, because I know if he does I won't be able to help myself. Thanks for listening. I'm glad I found this board as I can't really talk to anyone about this. I'm sure there will be many more posts from me! x
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Bottom line.......Tell your husband. That way you can give him a choice to where's he want to be married to a woman that would just basically deceive him for something that ended in tragedy. 5 months sex from a lying married man, but I truly hope it was worth it.
Author Sammy75 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 It wasn't just about the sex, as there wasn't that many opportunities for that to happen. For me, it was more for being in the company of someone I felt a strong connection with. No, of course it wasn't worth it, and if I could turn the clocks back I would never have met up with him in the first place. And please don't think that I don't I feel guilty, of course I do and nothing I say or feel can ever justify my behaviour.
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Is he not contacting me because Because he is married, has a wife and he changed his mind about the A. Maybe he felt too guilty, or realized he was putting energy into the wrong woman and he doesn't want to lose all that he's worked for after all these years. I told him I would've been prepared to give everything up for him, I suppose I was very naive to think he would give up 16 years of marriage for me after 5 months! He told me he loved me and I believed him. Maybe I'm just a fool. You're not a fool, he just isn't/wasn't ready to give up everything for you, though you were ready to throw away everything for him. I hope you and your husband go to marriage counselling, start communicating and don't hold back. If it doesn't work out, atleast you'll know you gave it your best. Another thing, if you're going to end your marriage, do it because you would rather be alone than stay married...To end a marriage and pop right into another relationship so quickly isn't healthy, it's good to have time and space in between..
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