TerryTeardrop Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Hello I have been with my man for a year and a half now and I have a problem with him that I have tried to resolve but without his active participation it gets me no where. He does not include me when his children come to stay every other weekend. Now I do understand the importance of him spending quality time with his own children BUT I feel like I am not important enough for him to include me just for a few hours. I include him with my children (who adore him) so why cant I be included with his every now and then? I have spoken to him numerous times about this and told him how I feel and he says he just likes to see them by himself. But he invites his friends around sometimes so I dont see this as being honest with me. He has told me he wants to marry me and yet he wont allow me to interact with his children apart from maybe 3 times in the time we have been together. I am actually so stressed now that I am thinking of breaking up with him. We did part for a few weeks not so long ago and he told me he will change things, but so far he hasnt and his children have been down twice since then. ANy advice please?
compassion42 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Blending families is HUGE and oh so difficult. Perhaps you can find out what specifically is stopping him from including you? Maybe the kids have expressed a jealousy of sharing their dad with you? Or maybe the ex has said something to him? Perhaps he just doesn't know how to do it"the right way" so that the kids are happy and you are happy? Maybe you could try inviting them all over to your house for a holiday gathering? You could get a little gift for each of the kids and make the party kid friendly? Kids love presents and maybe it could be a good ice breaker?
Author TerryTeardrop Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 I have met his children a few times and they know I exist and he has not told me that they have expressed a preference not to see me. When I have seen them we get along fine. I do ask him around with his kids and he says he will ring me later and then just doesnt or he rings and gives an excuse as to why he cant. He does this all of the time. How can he ask me to marry him and yet not include me with his children? How many times can I have this conversation with him?
BeautifulMystique Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 It's been a year and a half, you have talked to him yet he still excludes you from spending some quality time with his children when they come visit him. Can you think of anything that makes him uncomfortable including you in his family activities? Do you think it could be that he thinks his kids and yours might not get along? What's the age difference?
compassion42 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 It sounds like you're at the end of your rope with him. I guess you didn't like my suggestions above? I was in a similar situation in a past relationship so I was just trying to share my experiences and help you. You should do what makes you happy and right now it sounds like he is not giving you what you want. Good luck.
brothermartin Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Is a year and a half really enough time to start sharing each other's children? Most times, a year is barely enough time to establish a real committed relationship. Do you think you might be rushing him a little bit?
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