hollaxatholly Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I'm just wondering a few questions, for those of you that have been cheated on 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? 2 Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out?
Curmudgeon Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I'm just wondering a few questions, for those of you that have been cheated on 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? 2 Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out? 1. The first time, no, the second time, yes. 2. Stayed the first time. Divorced her the second time. 3. Nope! In fact, wish I'd let the first one have her. 4. The first time, yes, the second time no. 5. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Not fun either time and ultimately devastating to a 25 year marriage. However, my life has been much better without her than it ever was with her. Meanwhile, her life is a disaster.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? For a few months after D-day, even though I punted him out, we had a lot of back and forth discussion. You can't make a valid decision, unless you have more knowledge. I would recommend this methodology to anyone. 2 Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? Refer to my response in question 1. 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? I have no problems admitting that regardless of end result, my intent was to sever the contact between the two. My ex-H knew this. He had to wash his dirty laundry. 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? Yes, within 18 hours, including a full night's rest. 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out? Absolutely he lied and denied. I don't fully understand the next questions. They're a little confusing.
LifesontheUp Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? I asked for him to leave OW on d-day and he wouldn't so I kicked him out. So I suppose my initial reaction was to stay and make it work. However because of things he said to me in the first week (some really nasty stuff) I made a solicitors appointment to start divorce proceedings, I decided to move on with my life. He actually rung me in the midde of my appointment to ask where I was 2. Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? Yes. He begged me to take him back within a fortnight and wanted to move back in. I didn't let him move back because I just didn't feel I wanted him too at that point. We went to counselling but by 6 months I decided I did want a divorce. By that time I was feeling better in myself and knew what I wanted. 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? No, just confusion on my part. All the mixed up emotions leading me to go from wanting to give us a chance to I never want to see him again. 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? No. I think his words were that she was his soulmate - classic 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? His words were "prove it". and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out? Didn't treat me any differently during the affair as far as I remember. At the time I was disgusted by the lies and the complete re-write of our marriage. I honestly thought he had gone insane with some of the stuff he told me. It doesn't matter anymore because I divorced him. His affair woke me up to the fact that I was accepting a life I didn't enjoy with him any longer.
foreverchanged Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I'm just wondering a few questions, for those of you that have been cheated on 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? 2 Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out? 1. No, it was strange, because the man who "protected" me from the bad stuff, was the man who caused my biggest hurt. I was numb. 2. I think most BS's go through this, that's why they call it a rollercoaster. 3. No, I know I am by far the better "catch" not to mention, person as a whole. And, even if we splt, he would NEVER go back to her! 4. Yes, in fact he never wanted it to begin with, but she blackmailed him. She was a curiousity, and he wanted nothing past that. 5. Now this is where I have the most trouble in our reconciliation. Yes, he lied through 2 phone calls and an explicit fax. Yes, I knew we had distance and loss of respect on both parts but I truly didn't know why, I would have sworn that he would never cheat. After he "confessed" we both did some soul searching and with counseling and honesty realized we really had something with substance. I know you can never say never, but I think his experience showed him several things. Like, cheating doesn't fix anything, it only makes the situation worse, that he isn't a "player", and that actions ALWAYS have consequences, some good, some not so good.
reboot Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? 2 Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out? 1. No. 2. Not so far. 3. Not at all. In fact, I originally thought it would serve him right to wind up with such a lying, cheating *****. And welcome to her. 4. Yes, immediately. 5. Kept lying, but only briefly. I actually think the lying hurts more than anything else about an A.
cj1988 Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? 2 Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out? 1) Yes, I wanted to stay. 2) I am not sure right now, still trying to decide, it has been a year of hell. 3) No, I stay because I actually love him. 4) No, he kept calling her, ignored me for 5 months. 5) LIED, LIED and is still claiming he is inncocent. The part that hurts the most is how someone I cared for and married and trsuted to LOVE just me could talk so harribly about me. He was not only mean he was cruel and told her how much he loved her over and over again in the conversation I taped.......I can still hear the tape in my head.....it is a soul crusher and will probably end my marriage. I hope she and he are happy. She married as well and as much as I depise her would not wish this on anyone including HER !
jj2007 Posted December 4, 2007 Posted December 4, 2007 I'm just wondering a few questions, for those of you that have been cheated on 1. Did you know right away wether you wanted to stay or go? 2 Did anyone who wanted to stay and work things out initially, change your mind later? 3. I don't know if anyone will admit this, but did anyone stay, or want to stay, just kind of to "win"? ...like so that the OW/OM didn't get your H/W? 4. Did your H/W end the affair right away when you found out? 5. Did your H/W lie to you, after finding out, or deny it? and do you think it makes a big difference how they treated you during their A? or how much they lied to you? How they treated you or denied it after you found out? 1. When I first found out I changed the locks (while he was out with her) on all the doors. When he came home I told him he needed to leave and that he could go move in with his b!tch if he wanted to. (the dipsh!!t never even thought of calling the police to get back into the house, he slept in his car the last three nights of that week lol the other two I didn't know where he was and didn't care.) 2. I wanted him to leave and get a D. Now that whore is out of the picture we both want to make it work. He always told me he wanted us to be together but I didn't see that happening until he got his sh!!T together. 3.Hell no! I told him to go for it if that's what he wanted. 4.It went on for about a week after I found out. Then he told her he didn't want to be with her and I told her if she kept calling my house, I was going to call her H. (I stilll think he has a right to know what his W was up to but I guess I will leave well enough alone. It's really her place to tell him.) 5. He denied until I told him that if he wanted to be with me, he would have to be a man and own his sh!!t. If he couldn't be honest and truthful with me then it was time for a D. He was doing heavy drugs the whole time that he was having the A. He is also an alcoholic. His father cheated on his mother and beat her until she took my H and his two sisters and left. He NEVER had any type of therapy at all. He is now in IC and we are trying to work through all the crap.
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