jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I just got out of my first relationship.Poeple have so many ideas and opions to what is healthy after a break up. 1.I slept over his house in the same bed the night he borke up with me. 2. We talk on the phone and text numerous times a week. 3. We still have sex[no kissing] According to all my friends we dont have ahve a "healty -normal" break up.So what is a "healty-normal" break up.Does it not depend on the people and what they are confortable with?
norajane Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 As long as you're both ok with it, it's not unhealthy. However, if you want something more from him (other than the FWB relationship you seem to have now) and are going along with what he wants in the hopes that he's going to want you back as his girlfriend, that's not healthy. And if you plan to continue the FWB even after one of you starts dating someone else, you need to make sure that someone else is aware of your relationship. Will it hurt you when he stops this FWB relationship when he finds another girlfriend? If so, then it's also unhealthy to hang onto him.
empress Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 yes.. it is unhealthy. you know that you feel that is the moment when you get close to him whenever you guys making out. but it hurt you the next morning when you wake up, because the feeling if not right, you had him the previous night, but not his heart. walk away quietly and move on. you are the one who will get hurt at the end. you dont want him to turn to you and say that "having sex with you cause trouble, and you are the one who will get hurt, but not me!" that kills jessica, that kills. hope you this help and you could move on without hurting yourself more. be strong.
kitkat289 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 this might not be affecting you right now as you have not yet realised that its over,trust me it takes time to accept.when you are not giving time to yourself to realise the real thing then its unhealthy since you will be shocked and go into depression once he stops being physical with you and also breaks all contacts out of a sudden.Can you imagine this?
FooledOnce Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Isn't it weird how after a break-up it feels okay to have sex but weird to kiss? I'll say this, when my ex dumped me, I still wanted to see her, talk to her, get it on with her. I mean, I like doing those things with her, right? But I've since realized that was probly a mistake. Inside I was still thinking that we'd get back together and that hope was preventing me from moving on. Also, seeing me probly HELPED her move on. Instead of me disappearing from her life leaving her without all of my love/support/companionship and making her realize what she gave up, she was able to try out being single knowing that I would still be around for a laugh, to listen, or to have sex. She never really had to experience the moments where she wanted to be with me but couldn't. Sad moments that would have made her realize what a mistake she'd made.
spookie Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 It does depend on the people involved but you have to be truly ok with it for it to be healthy. How would you feel if he got another gf and cut you off? How would you feel if he didn't initiate plans with you for a couple of weeks? How would it feel to spend weekends alone not knowing what he is up to? If someone cares for you, they shouldn't be afraid to label themselves as your bf to give you piece of mind, if they have no problem acting like one. What's his deal? Why'd you break up? Sometimes I htink people break up because they really need to be alone (as was the case for me and my ex) but in that case, y'all need to be alone. Not doing this dance you're in, without the kissing.
Author jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 FooledOnce See thats exactly how i feel. He was my best friend.For some reason i have the idea that it would be easier to lose him as a boyfriend first instead of losing him as both altogether.=/
Author jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 Spookie, I would be ok with him getting Gf and being cut off,id be ok with him not making plans with me,since well he doesnt do it now,id live without knowing what he was up to. See he broke up with me because i cheated on him. if you want to know more http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t137259/ it just seems so confusing to what is normal.
spookie Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Oh well if you cheated on him.... that makes everything totally different.
kitkat289 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 that does make it different because you may be thinking that nothing can piss you off but since those things "getting a gf and cut you off" are not happening at the moment you cannot realise.What if he 's thinking of taking a revenge by doing all that you want and then leave you crying?Afterall you cannot know what's going inside the person's mind who was being cheated on.
Author jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 That is very true.I dont know what is going on in his head.But i do know who he is.And yes i did cheat on him,but that doesnt mean that i didnt love him,it was a stupid mistake,and i lost him.
kitkat289 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 when you are being cheated on you would do anything to make that person feel as miserable as he/she did.So better do not be into this physical thing and let him see you in a new light.
marlena Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Jessica, What I find most confusing and not healthy is the "no kissing" part. What's with that?
Author jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 The first time we had sex after we broke up, it was in the morning after i had slept over his house.For me it was more of a morning breahte thing.But then after i was home i didnt feel anything,i wasnt more upset about the whole thing.I think that if we would have kised it would have brought out the passion we had while we were together.I dealt with the fact that i wasnt getting back,there was no way i was going to let him get confused and give me hope,knowing very well nothing was going to change.I can seperate my longing for him emotionally and my sexaul desire to be pleasured.Kissing is about feelings.Sex just sex is about desire.
marlena Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I just got out of my first relationship.Poeple have so many ideas and opions to what is healthy after a break up. Jessica, The key word here is JUST. I don't thing you are in a place to separate your emotions from sex just yet. It is all too recent and fresh. Could you be deluding yourself into thinking that if you refrain from kissing, you can see your ex as just another sexual encounter and nothing else? Just asking. Sex with an ex regardless of time elapsed always involves some degree of emotion.
kitkat289 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 she;s not realising the consequences of having sex right now and might face problems in the long run.Things dont look much changed to you right now because its fresh as Marlena said...Jessica be a little mature and just imagine the sitatuion when you cannot reach to this guy.You are spoiling yourself.You know being physical without any emotions is harmless but not in such a situation when you havent given yourself time to miss him.Nobody would want to be in touch even because that only makes us repent later on.You dont know yet how much time and effort it takes to move on.
Author jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 I slept on alot of the things that you guys have said.Today i was suppose to go hang out with him and his roomates at this place,.Im not going to go.If alot of people think that the way our current friendship will end up hurting me later on in the road,god knows i dont want that.
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