challa Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 (Lord HELP me...lol ) Here is the problem: My bf owns his own company that he has built up from nothing. He lives with his mom and last year he asked her to help him with the office end of the business. She was disabled in a job incident and the arrangement seemed mutually beneficial. However, she is a severe alcoholic and immediately ran his business into the ground. He was paying for her entire household and had nothing left after paying her bills and his business expenses. Everything is in a shambles now. He cannot afford to move out and pay for two households. He also cannot afford to have her running the office anymore, answering the phones drunk out of her mind and disappearing for hours in the middle of the day. She has since found a small job outside the home but still cannot afford to pay her household expenses. She has also recovered from her disability. A few weeks ago he got a huge account for next year that will triple his business. He called and asked me to run his office for him. I have a lot of experience and I know that I could help him recover from the damage mama caused. And he needs A LOT of help. Well last night I was talking to her and she plans to quit her job come spring (this is a seasonal type business) and take over the office again. Now, mind you, this woman was stealing money from her own son, out of his business accounts. Scheduling appointments on the wrong days. Answering the phones after slamming a 12 pack by noon. Pitiful. I asked him this morning about it and all he could do was shrug his shoulders and say "What can I do?" I am SO frustrated. I was the one he called when things went bad, I know all of the dirty details of what went down. I witnessed her being drunk on many occasions at the office. But he refuses to save himself. He is willing to go down with this ship, watching his mother drink herself to death all the while ruining everything he has worked for for the last five years. Not to mention he asked me to take over the office and now i feel like he is reneging b/c he doesn't have the nerve to stand up to his mother. I do see the honor in his loyalty, that is one of the qualities that I adore about him. But he is the one who is going to lose. I told him how I felt this morning and he just feels trapped by the situation. We talk about having a life together but it can never happen as long as he is letting her sabotage his business and steal from him. He pays thousands a month to support her household and he takes the scraps. How do I deal with this? I want to support him but I feel that he is being so damn foolish to just stand by and let this happen. If she is such a raging alcoholic that she can't support herself why is it then his responsibility? She would benefit from him putting his foot down and telling her enough is enough. Someone please help me as I am considering ending this relationship rather than stand by helplessly and watch all of his hard work go down the tubes while he lets her walk all over him and curse him out contstantly and call him names. She doesn't even remotely appreciate what he does. I feel like she is the other woman!! I'm so frustrated!!
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Blood is thicker than water, hon, and if he won't cut the apron strings on his own, no amount of you nagging him on it and pointing out the obvious will change that.
jcster Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 He is willing to go down with this ship, watching his mother drink herself to death all the while ruining everything he has worked for for the last five years. Not to mention he asked me to take over the office and now i feel like he is reneging b/c he doesn't have the nerve to stand up to his mother. I suggest you Google "Adult Children of Alcoholics." It should give you a lot of insight. Your boyfriend is stuck, most likely co-dependent, but definitely enabling his mother to the extent that his life is a shambles. I've been there. I gave my mom cars, money, lived with her - you name it. In the end, he (as I did) has to decide enough is enough - there's not a lot you can do to hurry it along.
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