noturtypicalwife Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Before any of you ever got seperated or divorced or even now have you ever written a letter to your spouse. One that said things u could not say aloud or directly to them, did you ever get a response or reaction? In times where I am at a loss for words aloud, because mainly when we communicate one walks away, or simply states, "this conversation is over". So I try other means to get through, sometimes I find myself apologizing for my actions even though I am still furious with him. So I wonder sence I never really have gotten anything back from a mans perspective does he even read it? Is this the right way to do communication? I have played over in my head what I want to say to him, but I don't say it because when I do it gets flipped, or he sits with a smirk and says nothing. When I try to share a personal thought or feeling not even in an argument he says nothing. Oh how I wish he would just yell, scream, say something. It gets worse each day, and he continues to act like it's all in my head, nothing is wrong with us. Am I crazy can he not feel the tension and the extreme furry, does he not realize really even when put into words what he does that makes me so mad? What about an ultimatium, how do you do that, where does the courage come from? He hates authority and certainly will not take an ultimatium lightly. I ask myself what do I want? >I want to know EVERYDAY he loves me >I want to be what he considers his angel >I want some sort of emotion from him >I want the hiding and sneakiness to stop >I want to be happy to be with him, not happier to be alone >I just want to feel like life is worth it again
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Ask him those questions in a letter, sit beside him, he'll read it and ask him to write you back a letter answering your questions. If communication is an issue, then letter writing can help you both. Be calm, be honest and speak from your heart...Let him see your pain, not anger or frustration.
sumdude Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Be calm, be honest and speak from your heart...Let him see your pain, not anger or frustration. This is so important... my ex showed me her anger rather than her pain. So I could only react to her anger which just put up walls between us.
verytired Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 If I try to 'talk things through' with my wife I get one of two responses - shouting or silence. So, a few times I've written to her. It gives me the chance to work on it, to really try to say what I really want to say, to get to the heart of the matter. I can't use this too often or it will lose it's power, but sometimes you just feel in your gut that it's the right way to get through to them. I like to think it gives her the chance to read it, get indignant, calm down, read it again, think about me, to feel my pain, to understand how desperate I am for us to love each other again... Sadly this is all guess work as she has never replied to any of my letters/emails, nor has she ever commented on receiving them. This could mean she has deleted them or thrown them away without even reading them, but usually they are followed by a period of her being a lot more considerate so I think she reads them but doesn't know emotionally how to respond. Then things go back to being bad. I find her refusal to respond frustrating - I have tried so hard to fix what is wrong with us and she won't even answer? BUT at the same time at least I know I did all that I could. I say send the letter - the worst that could happen is that things improve for a couple of days in which case you know there's a glimmer of something not yet dead. If nothing else writing down how you feel often helps you to think about it more clearly and as others have said, to express your heart without the pride & heat of an argument.
Lizzie60 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Yes I did... I wrote letters to many men in my life.. One MM, about 2 yrs ago... I wrote him a love letter... I haven't been with him since... but we communicate by email on a weekly basis... I asked him about the letter, he said he still have it... I love writing love letters.. I have to be in the mood though.. I have lots of imagination especially when it's late at night... when I'm in bed... then I like to write about my feelings... I wrote a letter to my parents but never sent it... it was therapeutic.
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