sakeeta Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Well, six weeks after I left..I went and tried to talk to my ex. He was hateful and ugly and it served to confirm that when I left it was the correct decision to make. He had told his sister that he wanted us to be friends, but that isn't true. He refused to take responsibility for his failures in the relationship, blamed everything on me. I have spent the last 6 weeks devastated and depressed. After my visit with him, I feel much, much better. I am not sure why exactly..but it's a fact. I actually look forward to the future and I want to have fun and enjoy my life!
sedgwick Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 YAY for you! Sometimes it takes walking away to see how truly f*cked up things were. I have a really mean and nasty ex (not the current one, this is from years ago) who treated not just me but pretty much everyone else really badly. Just an arrogant jerk all around, but I thought I loved him. I look back now and am SO glad I got away from him and his bad attitude and negativity and general hatred of the world. I turned into a person I didn't like when I was with him. Hindsight's a beautiful thing, huh?
oppath Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 well, I don't know your story, but if you left him, I can't blame him for being a little angry and nasty to you, nor for putting forth efforts to be a friend so soon. It would be too soon for that at 6 weeks. I was nasty to my ex -- for different reasons of course -- her reasons for the breakup had "nothing to do with a lack of feelings", and I reamed her out when she didn't give me the space I asked for by politely telling her "I will not be your friend because I am too hurt, friendship can only happen months later, maybe 6 months later, I need space right now." In response to me asking that 4 times, she wanted to be friends with benefits. So I reamed her out. Why would I be her friend? I can't be friends with someone I love who ended the relationship. I told her that politely, she didn't listen to my boundaries and needs. So I was nasty to her, though the worst I did was call her selfish. She was. If the breakup was because your ex was mistreating you in some way, then good, I'm glad this confirmed your decision. But if that was not the case, if things ended mostly good, just some incompatibilities, then understand, he has a right to be angry with you, and you wanting to be friends, or even going to him to talk to him about the breakup, is possibly SELFISH of you. He is grieving. He needs to heal. It is quite possible it was too soon for him to talk and I can certainly understand him being quite angry with you if you left him. I guess it depends on the context of your original relationship. If he treated you bad: good for you, he's a jerk. If it was largely good, I can't fault him.
Author sakeeta Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 This is our 3rd split. He called me after 4 months and I had moved 365 miles away and asked me to come back. I did, but under certain conditions. Those were he needed to work at the relationship, and he gave me his word about another issue. Well, he didn't work at the relationship, and he broke his word. I am sure that he is hurt, but he once told me after our first split that I had hurt myself and in a way he was right. This time however, it was he who hurt himself. This time I am not just leaving the area, I am leaving the state entirely..and I am putting several states between us. I am friends with his family, so there will always be a connection..but indirect. He's not a bad guy, but he does have serious issues that he refuses to deal with..and eventually they will kill him. I love him very much and always will..but I can't be in a relationship by myself!
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