Her Meeting other guys

[spookie]

If you ask me it sounds like two things are happening here.

 

You became exclusive and, furthermore, "serious", too fast. I mean, you've only known her for what, less than 2 months? For a lot of people that isn't enough time to know if they want a relationship with you (though IMO if they don't know it means they don't). And to be spending so much time together so fast to me spells desperation: like you are attmepting to fill the void in you, to fill your loneliness with someone whose role it is to offer affection, as opposed to her because you love her/really like her. I mean, you just don't know her well enough.

 

Secondly, I don't think she sees her actions as violating your exclusivity because she doens't view the as dates and has no inteiton of pursuing anything physical. That said, it's up to you whether or not you're comfortable with someone who has a need to keep meeting new people, as, unless your relationship is rock-solid, there's a chance she'll leave you for someone she deems more compatible. (So even if she isn't consciosuly looking, if she's meeting new people there's some level of comparison going on and if she likes someone better, off she'll go.)

 

But you know what... there's nothing wrong with that. It's her duty to herself to find someone she likes the most. It may not be you.

 

As for what to do, I'd start shopping around, too. You can remain physically exclusive but open to meeting new people. Or you can broach the issue of the fact that you got exclusive too soon.

[Lovegod]

Shes a lovly girl and is not the sort to sleep around

 

Here's something interesting that you might want to know... ALL women are the sort to sleep around. If it feels right to them, they will do it. How does someone get her to feel right about it? By attracting her, by turning her on, and by over-riding any feelings she's having about cheating on her man. The only hope you have is if you've already earned a large amount of respect from her where she KNOWS the consequences of her actions, and that you'll kick her ass to the curb if she screws around. Somehow, I doubt that you've re-inforced this aspect of your relationship with her.

 

she never has before, never had one night stands or anything like that.

Well, there's a first time for everything.

 

I have met some of her family she has met some of mine.

 

This is irrelevant.

 

What matters is if the guys she meet have interest.

 

I'm going to expand on your statment, oppath. What matters is if the guy she meets is interested, and is an ace at seducing women. A guy who knows how to make her feel attracted, make her feelings go back and forth, and know how to get her to over-ride her feelings. And in case you're wondering, yes I'm guilty of doing this myself.

 

It's only when she highly respects you that you can stop worrying and let her go see as many guy friends as she likes.

[Jilly Bean]

Here's something interesting that you might want to know... ALL women are the sort to sleep around. If it feels right to them, they will do it.quote]

 

LG - I have to respectfully disagree. I have never stepped out on a guy in my life. And while I step off my high horse (lol), I can remember being mentally and physically tempted, but I have never crossed that line. I just want to point out that not ALL women are the sort to sleep around. Some of us do value and honor commitment, and are able to end a relationship before starting a new one.

[Lovegod]

I just want to point out that not ALL women are the sort to sleep around.

 

I have to respectfully disagree. They ALL have the potential to sleep around. But fortunately for most men, there usually isn't a man around who knows how to "encourage" her to do so.

[Jilly Bean]

Well, I tell you what. When you become a woman, let me know how you feel about sleeping around then. Until then, your comment reads like you trying to tell me what menstrual cramps feel like. lol

 

It's sad that you think women are so easily manipulated by men into bed. Were that it were so for your gender! lol. I guess then the seduction courses would be a lot more popular. But alas, it's not. Quite a few of us are able to keep our legs closed, and do. Not sure of the quality and type of women you are used to meeting, but I can tell you that many, many women do not cheat, and are not built for it. Trust me, I'm a chick.

[spookie]

I have to respectfully disagree. They ALL have the potential to sleep around. But fortunately for most men, there usually isn't a man around who knows how to "encourage" her to do so.

 

That's total bull. There's a huge difference between being turned on and tempted and actually crossing the time. It's called self-respect and ethics. Some people, even - *gasp* - some women, have them.

 

You can think that women are weak creatures with no control over their sexualities if that makes you feel better for whatever reason all you want, but it won't make it true.

[Lovegod]

It's sad that you think women are so easily manipulated by men into bed.

 

It's not so sad when you've been the one to lead the woman into bed. And not just any woman, it's what seems to be every woman: single, dating, in a LTR, engaged, or even married. What's sad is when you see all of this happening, and you're the one who is able to cause it to happen to every woman you make an effort to attract, you develope a deep mis-trust of women. THAT is what's sad. And I really wish I was bull5hitting you.

 

It's called self-respect and ethics. Some people, even - *gasp* - some women, have them.

 

I don't disagree with this at all. Unfortunately, emotions can override self-respect and ethics. Ever impulse buy something that you know you shouldn't and you maybe can't afford? It's basically the same thing.

 

There's a huge difference between being turned on and tempted and actually crossing the time.

 

It's all an incremental process. It's when someone goes just a little further, just a little further, just a little further, and then they realize they've crossed the line. And sometimes they don't care they've crossed the line because it felt too damn right.

[scratch]

It's sad that you think women are so easily manipulated by men into bed. Were that it were so for your gender! I guess then the seduction courses would be a lot more popular. But alas' date=' it's not. Quite a few of us are able to keep our legs closed, and do. Not sure of the quality and type of women you are used to meeting, but I can tell you that many, many women do not cheat, and are not built for it. Trust me, I'm a chick. [/quote']

 

You overlooked a few pretty important qualifiers, one that makes this debate almost purely theoretical.

 

They ALL have the potential to sleep around. But fortunately for most men, there usually isn't a man around who knows how to "encourage" her to do so.

 

It's impossible to disprove potential for cuckoldry. Those of you who have not yet been manipulated into bed, well done. But does that mean you don't have the mere potential to be seduced? That claim can't really be defended.

 

I will say, however, that almost every man who has had a one night stand has heard the phrase "I never do this" at some point in the evening. And, most women who have had an indiscretion are surprised that it went as far as it did shortly thereafter.

 

Similarly, he freely admits that the overwhelming majority of men cannot trip that switch in women. Therefore, even if she's weaker that she'd like to be, that weakness will rarely be tested.

 

Instead of having a knee-jerk reaction, think about the context of the post. Most things worth reading (and responding to) are laced with subtlety.

[scratch]

I don't disagree with this at all. Unfortunately, emotions can override self-respect and ethics. Ever impulse buy something that you know you shouldn't and you maybe can't afford? It's basically the same thing.

 

It's all an incremental process. It's when someone goes just a little further, just a little further, just a little further, and then they realize they've crossed the line. And sometimes they don't care they've crossed the line because it felt too damn right.

 

Would you argue that men aren't subject to the same natural urges and impulses, and just as likely to succumb? Perhaps the specific rationalization processes are different, but the impulsiveness, weakness and powerlessness against temptation are pretty similar, in my opinion.

[Jilly Bean]

OMG, Love God! After reading how you are able to seduce any woman, anywhere, anytime, I felt my panties coming off ON THEIR OWN! No joke! Damn, you are good...

[Jilly Bean]

"Those of you who have not yet been manipulated into bed, well done. But does that mean you don't have the mere potential to be seduced? That claim can't really be defended."

 

Um, yeah it can. I have had NUMEROUS men try and fail to seduce me into bed. I had the potential, and they couldn't close the deal.

[Lovegod]

I have had NUMEROUS men try and fail to seduce me into bed.

 

And it will continue to be numerous men who try and fail. You may or may not encounter one who will take you all the way. But if and when it does happen, you won't even realize it's happening.

[scratch]

Um, yeah it can. I have had NUMEROUS men try and fail to seduce me into bed. I had the potential, and they couldn't close the deal.

 

You're not really grasping the meaning of the word "potential."

 

In the 19th century, the Wright brothers made numerous attempts at heavier-than-air flight. They failed every time, until they succeeded in 1903. Clearly, they had the potential to fly before they actually closed the deal, so to speak.

[Jilly Bean]

And it will continue to be numerous men who try and fail. You may or may not encounter one who will take you all the way. But if and when it does happen, you won't even realize it's happening.

 

LOL. Love God, have you ever read those seduction books on neg hitting and all that jazz that teach this stuff? I know it's a multi-million dollar biz right now. Even had a cable show on that seduction guy, right?

 

I can tell you most assuredly, when I go to bed with a man, it's because I choose to. Not because he played me into bed or "seduced" me with methods beyond my control. I am aware of the games employed in these techniques (I like to read a lot - lol), and there is not a man alive who would put it past me...

[Jilly Bean]

You're not really grasping the meaning of the word "potential."

 

In the 19th century, the Wright brothers made numerous attempts at heavier-than-air flight. They failed every time, until they succeeded in 1903. Clearly, they had the potential to fly before they actually closed the deal, so to speak.

 

 

No, I understand it. And I am refutting it. I mean, I also possess the potential for murder, pillaging and riot. Are they plausabilities? Nope. Are they eventualities? Nope. Do I possess the potential to cheat? Nope.

 

See, you are forgetting the other side of the equation which is free will. The ability to make sound choices based on reason and consequence.

[scratch]

I can tell you most assuredly, when I go to bed with a man, it's because I choose to. Not because he played me into bed or "seduced" me with methods beyond my control. I am aware of the games employed in these techniques (I like to read a lot - lol), and there is not a man alive who would put it past me...

 

This person joined the forum for assistance with the following:

 

I think the combination of too much wine lowering my inhibitions, and feeling just SO comfortable with him from our first date energy, and our marathon phone calls all week, we got a little too physical for where I wanted to be. We didn't have intercourse, but we did fool around. Well, towards the end of the night, when my wine was wearing off and my logic was kicking in, I began to feel horribly about not maintaining my boundaries.

 

1 - I really wanted to NOT get physical too soon, as I wanted it to be different with him. I have a bad habit of hyper-sexualizing relationships, and I am WAY pissed that I did this with him so soon.

 

Emphasis mine. Jilly Bean, tread lightly with these declarative statements of perfect self-control.

[Jilly Bean]

This person joined the forum for assistance with the following:

 

 

 

 

 

Emphasis mine. Jilly Bean, tread lightly with these declarative statements of perfect self-control.

 

Sweet jesus, you don't like to lose an argument, do you? Kind of scary, really. That you went digging and all. I mean, does this make you feel better in some way? I suppose you needed that...

 

Regardless, did the posting say anywhere that I was CAJOLED into bed or seduced? No, I believe it said I went there willingly, and then later regretted it OF MY OWN VOLITION. Still, it fully supports what I have been saying. That I make my OWN choices, and do things of my own free will. Read on, as I am SURE you are scouring the post, and you will see that when he tried to get me to do something I didn't want to do, I put a ready stop to things.

 

And I find it VERY sad for you that you would feel the need to excerpt the lines of a personal, and relatively upsetting experience in order to exploit a person. Says a LOT about your character... As now you are not only still VERY wrong, but now you look like a royal *******.

[scratch]

And it will continue to be numerous men who try and fail. You may or may not encounter one who will take you all the way. But if and when it does happen, you won't even realize it's happening.

 

And when it does happen, rest assured that the woman will rationalize, claim exceptional or unusual circumstances, and deflect the fact that it happened. If that isn't obfuscatory enough, she may even redirect the entire line of inquiry in a manner where she becomes the aggressor, pointing out unrelated shortcomings in the person questioning her.

 

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

[Jilly Bean]

And sometimes she is just purely magnificently successful in humiliating and emasculating a lesser male of the pack and revealing him to be the weak coward he is, as he refuses to be capable of understanding simple logic and admitting he lost the game, even after his futile attempts to take down the greater female...

 

Figuratively speaking, of course...

 

Now back to your topic, about her meeting other guys (as this other sidebar has grown MORE than tedious)...

 

It's wrong for her to want to, and if you tolerate it, then you are enabling her to eventually be dating these other guys.

[Lovegod]

Love God, have you ever read those seduction books on neg hitting and all that jazz that teach this stuff? I know it's a multi-million dollar biz right now. Even had a cable show on that seduction guy, right?

 

Yes I'm aware of "all that jazz" and some of it is useful. However, canned lines are not the way to attract and KEEP a woman.

 

I am aware of the games employed in these techniques (I like to read a lot - lol), and there is not a man alive who would put it past me...

 

That may be the case for those who are using those techniques word-for-word. But what about the guy who understands the science behind it all? The guy who is able to come up with his own "lines" based on the situation, his wit, his sense of humor, and his understanding of how women become attracted to men? This is the stuff that cannot be put into books because it's all natural and created on the spot. This is what I do, and you will not be able to figure out if I'm neg-hitting, using kino, using a pattern, or just being myself.

 

BTW, nice catch, Scratch

 

As now you are not only still VERY wrong, but now you look like a royal *******.

 

I beg to differ. You got pwned.

[Jilly Bean]

 

Oh no, pet. I think we all know who has been owned here and was bitchified. And it wasn't just one dude either...but, that will come to you much, much later on...

 

(think, think, think...)

[Krytie TV]

Just an edit from my second post, she would be jelous of me meeting other girls but she said she trusts me so she would let me do it

You are acting like an attention starved puppy. Nothing anyone says here will matter because everything she says will always be solid truth in your mind. THIS is where you need to wake up. The facts are that you two are dating and she is making plans to see other guys from the same site you met at. This is not the behavior of a love sick princess, but of someone who is NOT done looking for something better than you.

 

But enjoy. When it all comes crashing down you'll tell yourself you never saw it coming, and you'll be wrong.

 

You either submit to her mercy and let her to continue to walk all over you, or you stop with the "but she this, but she that, she said, she's not" crap and wisen up. Either way, this doesn't have the tone of something that will end well for you.

[oppath]

You are acting like an attention starved puppy. Nothing anyone says here will matter because everything she says will always be solid truth in your mind. THIS is where you need to wake up. The facts are that you two are dating and she is making plans to see other guys from the same site you met at. This is not the behavior of a love sick princess, but of someone who is NOT done looking for something better than you.

 

But enjoy. When it all comes crashing down you'll tell yourself you never saw it coming, and you'll be wrong.

 

You either submit to her mercy and let her to continue to walk all over you, or you stop with the "but she this, but she that, she said, she's not" crap and wisen up. Either way, this doesn't have the tone of something that will end well for you.

 

True. Very true. The rule is: it doesn't matter if you have been exclusive for 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years. Once you agree to be exclusive, you behave in ways that meet that definition. If two people have different definitions of what that means, then they need to align those expectations, but once you agree to being exclusive, you need to act like it. Committing to someone cavilierly defeats the purpose of committing. If you agree to be exclusive, that means you are exclusive, and you don't put yourself in potentially compromising situations.