girl18 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months. in the beginning, we had sex literally 5 times a day. now, we only do it once a week. i've never really been the initiator and he never really seemed to care. we fell in love really fast and used to have a great sex life. however, the past 2/3 months we don't have much sex anymore. i brought it up and he told me it's because i'm not aggressive enough in bed and i don't do all the freaky things i used to do with him. after he told me that it made me feel way insecure and tore my confidence down. i don't even want to intiate it now because i'm scared i'll get rejected. after that conversation, i went down on him like a week or 2 later and he was watching the tv the whole time and couldn't even get hard. i ended up leaving his house in tears and he called me apologizing. this sorta thing actually happened a couple times. so now i dont want to initiate it because i don't want to get rejected. i don't understand why he doesn't want to have sex with me. he tells me 1000 times a day he's soo in love with me and misses me while he's at work and cares so much about me and all these things. we have never cheated on eachother and i do everything for him. he tells me that sex is not the most important thing in our relationship and he's right but to me it is because i don't feel attractive and desired anymore even though he always tells me how beautiful i am. i don't know what to do. someone help
spooty Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 ok first things first, don't try to go down on a guy that's watching TV, it doesn't work. i tried it once when my bf was 18, and he didn't get hard, and if an 18 year old can't get hard because he was too interested watching "Hercules", then no on can! i'm kinda going through the same thing right now, and i really don't know what to do about it. i'd like to spend some good ol' alone time together, but he's put up barriers to us being alone, has yours done the same? these can be things like always watching tv, playing video games, on the computer, or otherwise working on something while you're together to avoid being close, and it can also be going to sleep before or after you're asleep. if he's doing these things, then ask him to make some time time for you and address directly what he's doing to put the distance between you sexually. i'd ask for a weekly "date night". though weekly might be too much for some guys going through this. if he responds favorably then good for you, if he gets defensive (like mine) you may have to figure something else out. these kinds of things are tough because to him you're being "needy", though, what you need isn't unreasonable you just need more than him, and some guys just can't understand when a woman needs something different from what they need. and since he doesn't understand your needs he won't fulfill them. it's not that he can't understand, it's that he doesn't care too, he thinks he's beyond the point where he has to make an effort, but relationships take constant maintinance. good luck.
Author girl18 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 it's weird you say that because he is actually a very needy and insecure guy but lately i'm the one feeling insecure because of the sexual issues. we spend a lot of time together and when we are together he is very affectionate with me and seems so happy but its just the sex thing. i can't figure it out. lately though one of his friends is always with us which annoys me so much. i asked him why he always has to hang out with us and he accussed me of being jealous of his friends. the thing is we always hang with his friends but i rarely see mine.
Tony T Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Don't even for a minute take let this jerk give you the rap for this problem. IT IS HIS!!! When a man is horny, he'll go for it whatever way he can. There is something wrong with him...and it could be psychological...it could be physical...it could be medications he's taking...it could be he's gotten into porn...it could be the newness has worn off for him (Google: Collidge Effect)...it could be excessive fatigue...or some other psychological or physical factor. IT IS NOT YOU!!! However, if you can't get this resolved...and it's very hard to resolve under pressure...your relationship is over. The first thing to do is to have a talk with him in a kind, patient, gentle way without making accusations and without a lot of emotion. Just let him know how you feel and that you require a greater frequency of sex. From there, go on and find the cause from the suggestions above. Don't hesitate to consult a doctor...do this first, get him a good physical exam...then move on to an excellent therapist if you can't work it out by yourselves.
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