Too late

[sweet_31_woman]

My husband and I met 13 years ago. I was pregnant shortly theeafter. We were married when our son was one and one half, and later had two more children. He is an alcoholic but is now trying to stop drinking. We have also shared our bed with another man before (more than one) and he seemed to enjoy it more than i. He has told me before while being drunk that he is bi or gay. He now (sober) says it was a phase and that he is not, but continues to act on this when drinking. He has admitted it to perfect strangers. But not to be when he is sober. I am somewhat embarrassed by this ( he has hit on family) and I don't believe I love him the way that I am supposed to. I resent the fact that he has wanted to share me and has "made" me share myself with his friends, he says he regrets it too now...but still. He continues to love me and is trying to everything in his power to keep me, but still, I am not happy. How do I convince him It's Over and I need him to leave, that I am not in love with him. How do I get a divorce and hurt him. I love him...just not the way I should. I would leave, but three kids, nowhere to go, and I run a home business. Any help? I feel it is all too late, I just feel it in me anymore. I dread him coming home, I dread him touching me, hugging, kissing. I don't know what to do. I have told him of my feelings and he was very upset. When I do kiss him back, I am tight lipped and don't feel anything inside except "I wish I could make you understand I don't like it here"