shadowplay Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Women do it all the time in marriages, where their needs, reasonable or unreasonable, aren't being met. Anything is possible. For whatever reason, the relationship is in such an early stage, proceeding further seems to be such a lot of effort, for so little return. Women may, but I've never seen a straight, faithful guy turn down sex with somebody he's in a relationship with. Even when things are going badly in a relationship a guy still wants sex most of the time.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Women may, but I've never seen a straight, faithful guy turn down sex with somebody he's in a relationship with. Even when things are going badly in a relationship a guy still wants sex. I agree this is the case with most men but I don't think we can slot this guy with the normal male reactions. Notice he's done this with past g/fs? There's a pattern here that seems to indicate that he's only sexually active when it's during the honeymoon phase of the relationship.
Jilly Bean Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Souhait - please check his myspace. He clearly has something there to hide, and now I need to know what it is! Better yet, give me his myspace, and I will give you a full debrief of my findings - lol. Seriously, if he said he has had this problem with other gf's, then clearly this is a historical issue for him, and I hope you are not internalizing any of it. Though hard not to, I imagine, it clearly shows this is all about HIM.
sumdude Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Not that kind of couple? Then you're just roommates. Is that what you want?
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I have a feeling Lovegod already knew that,whichwayisup:rolleyes: I know..I was just being a smart@ss, that's all! I said, "Hey, you had a new message," and he said he would read it later when he had time to respond. May be a little fishy... Remember, listen to your gut! If you feel his behaviour is fishy then follow up on it. Go in and talk to him when he's on the computer and see if he closes what it is he has up on the screen everytime you walk in.
Author Souhait Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 Souhait - please check his myspace. He clearly has something there to hide, and now I need to know what it is! Better yet, give me his myspace, and I will give you a full debrief of my findings - lol. Seriously, if he said he has had this problem with other gf's, then clearly this is a historical issue for him, and I hope you are not internalizing any of it. Though hard not to, I imagine, it clearly shows this is all about HIM. Jilly Bean, I check his myspace profile pretty frequently and those of his friends that happen to girls, but are you saying that I should log in to his account? By the way, I think it was you that mentioned yesterday that you and your boyfriend -- at the beginning -- had sex up to 6 times a day and that you were like rabbits. That must have stuck with me, because I had a dream last night where my boyfriend told me he just wanted to be normal, wanted to have sex 6 times a day like all the normal people. Haha! I am quite sure I'm going to leave him, but as I mentioned before, it will have to wait until after Christmas, unfortunately. I'm lucky that our lease is month-to-month, though.
Krytie TV Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Yep, prepare to love someone new every 18 months to 2 years. That way the sex stays relatively constant.
BeautifulMystique Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Sex is just as important as other elements in a relationship. Ideally I would love to have sex every day at least twice a day but realistically, once a day will suffice.
Jilly Bean Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 That is so funny, Souhait! Glad I made it into dreamland. Weird, because I ALSO had a dream about my ex this morning! And we haven't talked in years... (though I remember the rabbit-like sex! lol) No, I meant more like check his myspace comments - not to read his emails. People can leave some very revealing comments and that might provide some insight. The other thing, which might be interesting, is to check the history on his computer. Then you can see what sites he may be visiting that he may be hiding from you. He obviously has some secrets related to cyberland. It's sad that you've made up your mind to leave him already. I do think, at the least, he owes you some honest answers as to why the sex went away. I know he says it always happens like this, but doesn't he care that his relationships fall apart because he won't fulfill his manly duties?
Author Souhait Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 That is so funny, Souhait! Glad I made it into dreamland. Weird, because I ALSO had a dream about my ex this morning! And we haven't talked in years... (though I remember the rabbit-like sex! lol) No, I meant more like check his myspace comments - not to read his emails. People can leave some very revealing comments and that might provide some insight. The other thing, which might be interesting, is to check the history on his computer. Then you can see what sites he may be visiting that he may be hiding from you. He obviously has some secrets related to cyberland. It's sad that you've made up your mind to leave him already. I do think, at the least, he owes you some honest answers as to why the sex went away. I know he says it always happens like this, but doesn't he care that his relationships fall apart because he won't fulfill his manly duties? I check his myspace comments pretty consistently, and those of his online female friends, and nothing has been incriminating at all. He hardly ever leaves anyone comments and vice versa. We have different computers and I am not as savvy on his Mac to check his browsing history, but I can figure it out. The only thing is having a chance to look. It's rare that I'm home when he isn't. I haven't completely made up my mind, but I just don't think things will get better and stay consistently better. I've tried and tried to get answers on the lack of sex, but he doesn't know what to tell me. Or he's hiding it from me. At the same time, I ask myself if I'd ever be comfortable having sex with him again anyway, after this long dry spell. I wouldn't want to coerce him to have sex he doesn't want to have. I might worry that he wasn't really into it, and that he still didn't want to have sex with me. Anyway, we'll see... thanks for your input!! I'll let you know what happens.
spookie Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 You gotta pry the truth out of him. What the he!! does he mean by that statement? I had a relationship that turned sour when his sex drive went out the window but now I firmly believe that drives wax and wane and to love someone is to understand that sex isn't everything and that it will get better. Only, you have to have some hope that it WILL get better. Do you think it can?
Chauncey Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 When I was 25, my ex and I had sex up to 6 times a day. We were like rabbits. HOLY ****!!! I wish my girlfriend was this horny...
Meanmistermustard Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 What Spookie wrote is sound advice. I struggled with anxiety and work issues during my last relationship for a time and I wasn't able to perform at all for about a 2-3 week stretch. My bitch of an ex-girlfriend dumped me for it because she wasn't going to be in a "sexless" relationship. I knew it was a temporary issue related to work stress but she didn't want to hear it-she figured it was all about her because she was selfish. I ended up in sex therapy to figure myself out I was so down about "failing". I've been with my current girlfriend two months and work/life is much better now and I haven't had any "issues" and feel like my old self again:D I guess I'm just saying if you like and care for this guy find out what's going on his head and see if he's open to communicating with you. I wish my ex would have been there for me instead of throwing me to the curb like a broken toy. I hear lots of women yelling to dump him but you need to find out for yourself what's going on. Unless you wanted to break up with him anyways. You gotta pry the truth out of him. What the he!! does he mean by that statement? I had a relationship that turned sour when his sex drive went out the window but now I firmly believe that drives wax and wane and to love someone is to understand that sex isn't everything and that it will get better. Only, you have to have some hope that it WILL get better. Do you think it can?
Author Souhait Posted November 30, 2007 Author Posted November 30, 2007 What Spookie wrote is sound advice. I struggled with anxiety and work issues during my last relationship for a time and I wasn't able to perform at all for about a 2-3 week stretch. My bitch of an ex-girlfriend dumped me for it because she wasn't going to be in a "sexless" relationship. I knew it was a temporary issue related to work stress but she didn't want to hear it-she figured it was all about her because she was selfish. I ended up in sex therapy to figure myself out I was so down about "failing". I've been with my current girlfriend two months and work/life is much better now and I haven't had any "issues" and feel like my old self again:D I guess I'm just saying if you like and care for this guy find out what's going on his head and see if he's open to communicating with you. I wish my ex would have been there for me instead of throwing me to the curb like a broken toy. I hear lots of women yelling to dump him but you need to find out for yourself what's going on. Unless you wanted to break up with him anyways. Advice noted and taken. Thanks for your perspective! This will help whenever I find a moment to talk to him again the issue (again). I'll keep you all posted!
Zona76 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Could it work? It's possible. Anything's possible. The real question here is can you be happy in a situation like this. I believe you already know this answer. But why would you want a life with someone who doesn't want to touch you?
Krytie TV Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 But why would you want a life with someone who doesn't want to touch you? That's the question. My ex-wife went cold on me for the last year of the relationship. That, combined with a few other factors convinced me it was time to move on. When I think back tothat year and how it made me feel, I can't imagine not having given myself a chance to find someone who would want what I wanted. I could never go an extended period in that situation. Call it superficial or whatever, I just couldn't.
sumdude Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Originally Posted by Jilly Bean When I was 25, my ex and I had sex up to 6 times a day. We were like rabbits. HOLY ****!!! I wish my girlfriend was this horny... LOL no doubt... and I wish I was 25 again too... ah yesss...
AngelsFan09 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Sorry to bring up an old thread, but I too am in a similar situation. I am very attracted to my girlfriend she's absolutely gorgeous. She thinks I'm asexual. Looking at the definition of "asexual" on wikipedia, I do see signs of it in me, but not completely. When we are having sex (when she initiates it) I love it. The problem -> I never initiate it. Not because I don't find her attractive or do not want to have sex with her... I just do not know why I do not initiate it. - I'm not cheating on her with anyone else, nor do I have feelings for anyone else. I am not homosexual. I do not feel I'm inadequate. I don't feel all that stressed, though my job is very mentally stressful. I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, but she obviously does not want to (justifiably - based on my actions or lack thereof) Do I need to seek professional help? What is wrong with me? I don't believe I'm asexual.
Quinch Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I don't think he's asexual, gay or anything like that. If he didn't have any problem with sex at the start of your relationship, why suddenly stop now? It sounds like the key here is in the myspace messages. Personally, I couldn't live without sex. Especially at your age. A sexless relationship is only acceptable if (i) you are just friends or (ii) you have children Put on your sexiest nightie and tell him to **** your brains out or you dump him right there and then.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 He is 33 years old, so I am 8 years younger. He claims that girlfriends have left him in the past for the same reason. So he says it's not me personally. However, he seems to be secretive about his email and about his myspace account. And he checks his myspace account frequently. . Reading this it makes me think he likes to go after younger women becuase they are like trofeys on his arm. But after a while he gets bored with them have all his gfs been younger then him? Now sorry to say this but if hes hideing his emails and his myspace he IS most likely hooking up with some one on line behind you back. They may not be at the meet in person stage yet but if hes that obessed with it then it WILL get to that point. Maybe hes just hanging onto whats left of your relashionship untill the deal is more secure with her. I'm very sorry to have to say that my suggestion go to the library or an internet cafe some were theres no chance of him walking in on you. And if you know his passwords go to town! you derserve to know the hole truth at this point! At the very least find his myspace and take a look at whats got him so secrative about it. And if you do find something bad going on print it out and present him with it and go from there best of luck that suks.
Mustang Sally Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Question: Could you be in a relationship without sex? Answer: No. Not long term. Not unless an unexpected physical malady developed. Time to move on, I'm thinking.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Sexless relationship is TERRIBLE and it isn't fair to the side of the relationship who still wants it. Human needs. Gotta satisfy them ;-)
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