Souhait Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Could you be in a relationship without sex? I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We had lots of sex at the beginning. The last time we had sex was at least 6 months ago. He doesn't want to anymore. He simply claims he "doesn't see us as that type of couple." Everything else is great in the relationship. We moved in together 2 months ago and that is going well also. But I am only 25 and haven't even hit my so-called sexual peak. I'm 99.9% sure he's not cheating on me. I don't know when he'd have the time. I feel as though he's not physically attracted to me anymore, but he swears that isn't true. Can a relationship last without sexual intimacy?
Lauriebell82 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Could you be in a relationship without sex? I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We had lots of sex at the beginning. The last time we had sex was at least 6 months ago. He doesn't want to anymore. He simply claims he "doesn't see us as that type of couple." Everything else is great in the relationship. We moved in together 2 months ago and that is going well also. But I am only 25 and haven't even hit my so-called sexual peak. I'm 99.9% sure he's not cheating on me. I don't know when he'd have the time. I feel as though he's not physically attracted to me anymore, but he swears that isn't true. Can a relationship last without sexual intimacy? Have you asked him what he means by he "doesn't see us as that type of couple." That's a strange thing to say, and I'd want to know why he was saying it. If sex is important to you then you need to find out what the problem is. Ask him that he needs to tell you the truth. Sorry to say but it does sound like their is a possibility that he may be getting it elsewhere. Talk to him and ask him why he feels this way. There has to be some sort of reason for it.
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 He doesn't want to anymore. He simply claims he "doesn't see us as that type of couple." End it. Sorry but if your boyfriend isn't into sex anymore and is telling you he doesn't see "us" as that type of couple, what is the point of staying with him? Long term relationships have to intimacy and sex. This doesn't mean he's getting it elsewhere, but it does mean he has the potiental to cheat on you if he meets someone else and there's sexual chemistry.
Jilly Bean Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Yeah, I disagree with LaurieBell entirely. Cheating men still sleep with their partners, so that is not a foregone conclusion. What could be going on in something physical or emotional that he is not discussing. Has he been having problems with impotency? Is he on any type of medication that is causing a low sex drive for him? Does he suffer from depression? Could he be wrestling with feelings of homosexuality? Lots of things could be contributing. I assume if you are 25 then he is also around your age? When I was 25, my ex and I had sex up to 6 times a day. We were like rabbits. Men at that age tend to have rampant sex drives, and you said at one point, he did have one. This thing about not being "that type of couple" is his way of covering what is going on with him and why he has no desire anymore. This is very delicate territory for a man, so I would suggest treading lightly. But of COURSE you need to address this! Pick the right time, and ask him, gently, why he thinks you guys aren't having sex and let the convo go from there. It's important he understand you miss it the intimacy with him, and being sexual with him.
Lovegod Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Can a relationship last without sexual intimacy? Sure it can. My parents are a fine example of this. They haven't f\/cked in years and they're absolutely miserable with each other, but they're still together! You have two choices: 1) Make a silicone dildo your sex partner 2) Ditch him I personally opt for #2.
blind_otter Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I don't think I'd be able to stay in a relationship where there was no sex. My self esteem would go down the drain. How can you manage it?? What's the point?
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Could you be in a relationship without sex? No. You're 25 and only together for a year and a half. I don't think I would get too far into the psychology or physiology of it. I think it's time to consider this relationship cyle over. You haven't had sex for over 33% of your relationship during the time when your man should be riding the crest of sexual activity.
compassion42 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 How was the sex when you WERE having it? Perhaps he has a problem like ED or something relating to a medication he is taking? Just a thought.
Lovegod Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Perhaps he has a problem like ED or something Yeah, banging another guy named Ed would definately cause him to stop having sex with her.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Maybe it's depression or some other problem he is having..I really don't think it's cheating even though thats what I said. You need to talk to him from the standpoint that you are worried, not that you are pissed. Ask him what is going on and if he can't give you a valid answer I say dump his ass.
compassion42 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I have a feeling Lovegod already knew that,whichwayisup:rolleyes:
LosingMyDreamGirl Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Yeah, banging another guy named Ed would definately cause him to stop having sex with her. Meh, he could be gay.
shadowplay Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Meh, he could be gay. I'm betting on gay too.
Meaplus3 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Could you be in a relationship without sex? I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We had lots of sex at the beginning. The last time we had sex was at least 6 months ago. He doesn't want to anymore. He simply claims he "doesn't see us as that type of couple." Everything else is great in the relationship. We moved in together 2 months ago and that is going well also. But I am only 25 and haven't even hit my so-called sexual peak. I'm 99.9% sure he's not cheating on me. I don't know when he'd have the time. I feel as though he's not physically attracted to me anymore, but he swears that isn't true. Can a relationship last without sexual intimacy? "He simply claims he "doesn't see us as that type of couple." If you claim he's your boyfriend, however he does not see you as that type of a couple, then that say's to me you need to end it and move on. AP:)
jcster Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 There are only a few reasons that I can come up with that would cause your boyfriend to act this way: He's gay He's cheating He's got a physical problem (possible, but unlikely at 25) He's addicted to Porn He's addicted to stimulants Dump him.
Lizzie60 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Could you be in a relationship without sex? I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We had lots of sex at the beginning. The last time we had sex was at least 6 months ago. He doesn't want to anymore. He simply claims he "doesn't see us as that type of couple." Everything else is great in the relationship. We moved in together 2 months ago and that is going well also. But I am only 25 and haven't even hit my so-called sexual peak. I'm 99.9% sure he's not cheating on me. I don't know when he'd have the time. I feel as though he's not physically attracted to me anymore, but he swears that isn't true. Can a relationship last without sexual intimacy? From what I read here.. I think it's better if you dump him... If the sex was great in the beginning and for the last 6 months you had it once.. there IS definitely something wrong with him... It's hard to say what it is... it seems that he's no longer sexually attracted to you.. have you gained weight? Have you changed anything? It seems that your relationship has shifted from a SO to a 'best friend/roomate' relationship.. You need to seriously talk to him.. and give him an ultimatum... you are waayyyy too young for a sexless relationship, that's unfair to you... I say move on... don't waste your good years on him.
Author Souhait Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 Thanks for the responses, everyone. I appreciate your insight (and honesty, however brutal it may be!). When he said he "doesn't see us as that type of couple", I think I responded, "So we're just friends, right?" and he said, "That's not what I mean." But he can't explain further. The times I have brought the issue up the conversation was always left unresolved and I've never gotten a straight answer. Deep down I feel as though he's not attracted to me anymore. Not in that way. I know he loves me but I don't think it's an "in love" feeling for him anymore. He hadn't kissed me... really kissed me... for several months until just yesterday. (I've been sporting a new hairdo that he seems to like.) He is 33 years old, so I am 8 years younger. When we did have sex, it was great, and I was obviously enjoying myself. As time passed he stopped showing interest, and eventually it would be me trying to pleasure him while he just lay there, and he stopped touching me altogether. He's not on any medications at all. I'm sure he suffers from some depression, although he denies it. I've asked him about homosexuality and he denies that too. He claims that girlfriends have left him in the past for the same reason. So he says it's not me personally. But I just feel like if I was attractive to him he'd want to be intimate with me. Yeah, my self-esteem was going down the drain for a little while. I don't think he is cheating. We have the same work schedule and he is home most of the time he's not working. We have the same friends, so we all hang out together by default. However, he seems to be secretive about his email and about his myspace account. And he checks his myspace account frequently. Sorry this is so long. It feels great to get this off my chest, though. Thank you all again for your thoughts on the issue, it helps a ton.
Author Souhait Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 From what I read here.. I think it's better if you dump him... If the sex was great in the beginning and for the last 6 months you had it once.. there IS definitely something wrong with him... It's hard to say what it is... it seems that he's no longer sexually attracted to you.. have you gained weight? Have you changed anything? It seems that your relationship has shifted from a SO to a 'best friend/roomate' relationship.. You need to seriously talk to him.. and give him an ultimatum... you are waayyyy too young for a sexless relationship, that's unfair to you... I say move on... don't waste your good years on him. You've nailed it, about our relationship shifting to being just best friends. We are best friends and we get along great. There are no issues except the lack of sex. I haven't gained any weight. I'm the petite type, 5'2" and 105 pounds. On that note, I've gathered through various hints that he prefers tall women... An ultimatum sounds like a good plan. Unfortunately I'll have to wait until after Christmas. Thanks for your advice!
Kamille Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Well I read somewhere 'scientific' that there is a certain percentage of the population that is mostly 'asexual', ie, for whom sex is not an important part of their lives. The biggest problem for these folks is meeting a partner who can also live without sex. But who's to say that this is the case with your bf? Does he have a madonna syndrome? Perhaps what he means by you guys 'not being that kind of couple' is that he somehow diassociates the woman he could potentially raise children with from the woman he can be sexual with. Or perhaps he has come under a lot of stress at work. But the MSN secrecy thing? Weird. Do you go on his myspace?
Author Souhait Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 Well I read somewhere 'scientific' that there is a certain percentage of the population that is mostly 'asexual', ie, for whom sex is not an important part of their lives. The biggest problem for these folks is meeting a partner who can also live without sex. But who's to say that this is the case with your bf? Does he have a madonna syndrome? Perhaps what he means by you guys 'not being that kind of couple' is that he somehow diassociates the woman he could potentially raise children with from the woman he can be sexual with. Or perhaps he has come under a lot of stress at work. But the MSN secrecy thing? Weird. Do you go on his myspace? I suppose he could be asexual. I have thought about that. Could you explain madonna syndrome? I have heard people mention it but I'm not exactly sure what it is. It would be much appreciated! His work is pretty stress-free. He works the same hours every week and when he comes home he knows he doesn't have to think about his job anymore. He seems content in that area. I've never gone into his myspace profile or his email. One time he called me while we were both at work -- I have an office job, so I can check my email anytime during the day -- and he needed something from his email account. Some piece of information that had been emailed to him. I can't remember what it was now, but he was considering having me go into his email and then changed his mind after a few minutes. Don't know what that was about. Other times I have been walking into a room right when he was pulling up his myspace account. One time I saw that he had a new message (just in case you don't have myspace, you get a "New Message!" notification on the homepage) but he simple closed the window and wouldn't look at the message. I said, "Hey, you had a new message," and he said he would read it later when he had time to respond. May be a little fishy...
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 He claims that girlfriends have left him in the past for the same reason. So he says it's not me personally. But I just feel like if I was attractive to him he'd want to be intimate with me. Yeah, my self-esteem was going down the drain for a little while. This isn't about you. If I were to hazard a guess, he's addicted to the newly infatuated feelings. Run Souhait. Seriously.
EYECANDY000 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Telling someone that we are not that kind of couple is a little wierd. Did he explain what exactly that means. I definately think that a relationship can last , but not that long. Being intimate makes you have that special physical bond qith each other that flowers or candy cant do.
shadowplay Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 This isn't about you. If I were to hazard a guess, he's addicted to the newly infatuated feelings. Run Souhait. Seriously. But what kind of guy doesn't want to have sex for a six month stretch even if he's not infatuated? This man has some serious issues. Maybe he was abused as a child and associates sex with violence. Or he's closeted. Or he's asexual. Whatever it is he has some serious hang-ups. I'm surprised you've stuck around for this long. If my bf told me he didn't want to have sex with me I'd walk out the door and never look back. It must take a serious toll on your self esteem to stay with somebody who doesn't want to be physically intimate with you.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 But what kind of guy doesn't want to have sex for a six month stretch even if he's not infatuated? This man has some serious issues. Maybe he was abused as a child and associates sex with violence. Or he's closeted. Or he's asexual. Whatever it is he has some serious hang-ups. I'm surprised you've stuck around for this long. If my bf told me he didn't want to have sex with me I'd walk out the door and never look back. It must take a serious toll on your self esteem to stay with somebody who doesn't want to be physically intimate with you. Women do it all the time in marriages, where their needs, reasonable or unreasonable, aren't being met. Anything is possible. For whatever reason, the relationship is in such an early stage, proceeding further seems to be such a lot of effort, for so little return.
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