i need - coping mechanisms

[love3000]

Hello everyone,

 

I have just registered for one reason. i would be very grateful if someone could reply.

ill try to write this from my heart as this is probably the only way it is going to work.

 

basically i am in love/obsession with on eof my study colleagues. shes 20 and im 24. i was straight before her and she was/is a lesbian.

 

i want to forget about her because i think it is making me mad and i doubt she would be with me forever and i mean love comes and goes isnt it. I am trying very hard to concentrate on my course thats the only thing i have left in my life (in my oppinion), i cannot fail, i want to prove to myslef that i can accomplish something so, i n the future i know what i can do this and that and maybe my self-esteem grows. im writing this bu ti dont seem to be able to open up proparly, i just want to forget this girl, i find it difficult to sleep, i had anxiety problems before her i also think i have social anxiety or i could maybe call it shyness and maybe just due to bullying in this country (came to uk when i was 13).

 

gosh the situation is so complicate dthat i cant even explain it. basically at first when i used to see her it used to seem that i can see her soul (was a very strange feeling) and i think it follwed on from that. i was too wrapped up in my problems also shyness to talk to her so i didnt really, although she tried (well anyone would be flattered to be liked this much). then after as i couldnt talk to her, i wanted to get in contact with her talk to her somehow as i found out shes a lesbian too etc etc etc etc so basically i found her myspace profile and styarted checking it, its now been 6 months and i totally thought that some songs she had on there (even facebook) just suited our situation and i though she wants to conect with me as well as my social anxiety got passed on to her she was quite anxious to talk. so i carried on checking her profile etc etc etc and this year we did talk very little in a student bar and she said no she downt sfancy me cos she doesnt know me etc etc etc but during and in the very end game me a look like she loves me so much and wants to be protected by me, i dont know.

 

in class now im shy to talk, im a foreighner from lithuania and have been in this country since 13 (10) years and i have this complex that cos shes welsh shell leave me or that she might come in a way of my studies, whcih im sacrifising myself for and its my life, i dont think i can handle a relationship with that. so yes shes shy and im shy, more like madly anxious. i dont know if any of you blv in energies??? i mean love as in a passed on energy, i think she has passed so much of that on to me and same from my side so, i mean she does love me, but is love enough. and what is love?

 

at fisrt i wanted to have her as a firend and now i cant have her in any way, its so maddening. i already had anxiety problems before this (mainly social anmxiety ion educatin places due to bullying also, fitting in with the sociaty and the culture?) but this is killing me, i know its romantic and many ppl would like to have this. its special, deep, passionate etc etc etc but its not even normal. ive even created facebook for her. i feel like im too primitive for her, im taller than her as well and so much older. i dont know, i want to let go NOT hahe. i mean i have to finish my course (1.5 year left). im so scared, so scareddddd.........and i feel like i want to comit suicide but its to do with my own problems. maybe i fell in love with her in a first place cos of my own problems.

 

Thank you for any replies i may receive. thank you.

[whichwayisup]

You can't rely on another person to make you happier, let alone run from your problems. You have social anxiety - Seek some counselling to help you work through those issues.

 

Also, you say inlove/obsessed with. That isn't healthy. Loving her, wanting a relationship is fine, but obsessing about someone and making them your whole world is not good for you, or your anxiety issues.