Jamian Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Hi everyone, I know I've been droning on about this, but I'm trying to make sense of it in my head and up until now I'm totally unsuccessful. My ex told me she loved me, but due to a bit of stupid drunken self pity, text her 2 days later asking her if she still wanted to see me after going out so much (see my prvious postings for details) she then ended it. A week later I found out accidentally that she had joined a dating site. I was totally gutted and I'm still trying to sort out in my head how a woman who told me she loved me could then join an online dating site. Does that mean that she was lying, did she not love me at all? We were together for 3 and a half years, how could she be cured of a relationship that lasted that length of time after just a few weeks? I want to move on, but I need to come to terms with this in my own head before I will be able to move on. I'm still devestated and in retaliation have joined a dating site and have had offers. Trouble is, I don't want to pass my baggage on to someone else, that wouldn't be fair. I hate the fact she has moved on so quickly while I'm still reeling and feel totally betrayed by her. I can't get images of how we were so close and how she may be like this with other guys. Please help, feel like I'm losing it !!! Help!!!
cj1988 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Sorry to hear you are going through that ! But this is not about YOU, it is about HER and that is the truth ! She obhviously loves herself more than she did you, if she did at all. Baby, move on.....go out have fun and show her what she is missing !
kitkat289 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I've realised that things like not getting a call from him/her and seeing that he/she is moving on and is having a life makes us feel so weak and it doesnt matter how much we think we have moved on, it kind of pulls us back altogether seeing such things. So first of all the only thing you should do is to stop any kind of direct/indirect contact with her so that you do not know how she's doing and what she's upto these days.Trust me there's nothing as bad as the "temptation" to hear or know about your ex.Everytime we peep into their lives, we get more and more pissed off.So just work on yourself rather than trying to think of ways to lure her or question her about the things that make you puzzled.After you stop doing all that she will DEFINITELY contact you after sometime because this keeps on happening with me and the only way out is to be cool and do NOT LET ANY DAMN THING AFFECT YOUR PEACE OF MIND.All the best!
polywog Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Sorry for your pain, it sucks. Chances are that she moved on in her mind before she left you, but you'll never know and though you want to know why, you'll just make yourself feel awful trying to figure it out. Like the above advice, just stay away and focus on You. And while you're at it, be extra kind to yourself. You'll have the desire to want to figure it out and will want to dwell on it... it's human. Let that part of yourself happen, but do your best not to act on it. Be compassionate to yourself, and try to avoid using a new relationship to fill the hole, because it won't. The cliche that time heals all wounds is True, it really is.... trust me, I'm a seasoned veteran. Take it a day at a time, and hour at a time and do small things to make yourself happy in the moment.
SYRACUSE03 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Sorry to hear about your situation. First of all, we all "move on" at different paces so you will know when it's right for you. Some people just jump into the next relationship out of fear of being alone which is not healthy. She is not "cured", she is just substituting so she doesn't have time to think of her actions. Like polywog said, focus on yourself. That is key right now. We all have unanswered questions and sometimes we just can't accept the fact that we will never get the answer (i'm just as guilty of it).
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