Dwarffairy Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 OK so some background on my boyfriend and I. I'm 26, he's 35. I'm white, he's East Indian. We've been dating for about 8 months now, he's met all my friends and my family already. So far I've met his brother, once for about 2 minutes. He has just moved to the area so doesn't have friends here. Is it strange that I haven't met his family yet?? He hasn't even mentioned me meeting them. His parents spend 6 months of the year here and the other 6 months in India. He's spoken about us going there one day so he can show me where he comes from but no definate plans. We've had the future of our relationship discussion already and where we see it going etc. I told him that I am falling in love with him, he said that he had very strong feelings for me, but, for him to say those words means commitment in the old fashioned way (to him it means having a good enough job to support me so that I don't have to work and can stay home and look after the house and any future kids) and right now he doesn't have that stability in his life. Should I be questioning him more on this?? Or should I just leave it be till he brings it up again. I'm just wondering why I haven't met his family yet or if it comes down to the whole guy thing of their self worth being linked to their job?? Maybe he doesn't want to take me home to meet the family until he makes that commitment to me?? I dunno, I'm feeling very confused and would like some outside input on this. Thanks
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 For some people less than a year is too soon, some see it as too late. It depends on how your relationship is too, I guess. I'll introduce a guy to my family only when I feel there is a strong connection between us both and I can see it going somewhere for a long time. It also depends on his attitude and upbringing. I would definitely ask him about it if things are serious. Some men say things that they think we want to hear. I'd rather hear the cold truth. If he doesn't think I am good enough to meet his family then he can say goodbye to me.
shadowplay Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Could also be that he's worried his parents won't approve of you because you're not East Indian. I've heard there's a lot of pressure in that culture to marry someone of the same race.
KrazyKasey Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Meeting family is crucial to any relationship...I just went through a similar thing about my (now ex) boyfriend...He didnt want me to meet his family they are racist and he was afraid they were gonna hurt me (which i highly doubt it) but usually its bad news if you dont know what his family is like. But i seriously think you need to know whats goin on with that cause if u know his family you'll deffently know what the relationship is going to be like.
Author Dwarffairy Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 Could also be that he's worried his parents won't approve of you because you're not East Indian. I've heard there's a lot of pressure in that culture to marry someone of the same race. It might be part of the problem. He was married to another white girl before and according to him his family was very accepting of her. I guess I'm just trying to avoid any sort of confrontation about this whole thing right now, he's having a really hard time right now and don't want to add to his stress level unnecessarily. But it's slowly eating away at me and bothering me. Things are going really well between us ( besides this) and I don't want to wreck what we have by being petty about something that may not be a big deal to him.
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 It might be part of the problem. He was married to another white girl before and according to him his family was very accepting of her. I guess I'm just trying to avoid any sort of confrontation about this whole thing right now, he's having a really hard time right now and don't want to add to his stress level unnecessarily. But it's slowly eating away at me and bothering me. Things are going really well between us ( besides this) and I don't want to wreck what we have by being petty about something that may not be a big deal to him. Then it shouldn't be a big problem, there is a possibility that they will accept you. Give it some time... then bring up if it bothers you again. It is slowly eating you away so it must be a big deal to you... you don't have to bring it up straight away when you see him... with all the things he's going through right now... take things slowly for now.... you have a great thing going..
Author Dwarffairy Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 Yeah it is a big deal for me, not necessarily to meet them right away, more the fact that he hasn't even mentioned me meeting them. But I'm going to leave it alone for now, maybe throw out a few hints about it and see what he says.
Mezzi Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Just leave it alone. I think maybe its a blessing in disguise that you havent met his family. If things are great between you guys just dont make an issue about not meeting his family. In many instances asian people dislike partners for their children that are of different races.
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