mae33 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Hey guys, I am in a bad situation here. I had been dating the most wonderful guy for 4 years, and about two months ago I broke up with him. I felt like I needed to be single for a while, because I am young (21) and I just felt like we needed to experience what else was out there for us. He was devastated when I did this. I didn't know what else to do, I was scared of not knowing what else is out there for me, and what II was "missing out on." During the past couple months I have met some guys, and dated one for a little bit. But it doesn't feel right I feel like I can't be with anyone but my ex boyfriend. I miss him so much, and him and I had such a special bond with each other. I don't know what I was thinking when I broke up with him-- I feel like a completely different person and I just want back what we had. I talked to him about this, and now HE is the one that does not want a relationship again. I asked him about maybe getting together sometime in the future, after he takes some time. He keeps telling me that he doesn't think so, that he doesn't feel like he used to about me. I know that this is all my fault, that if I had never broken up with him in the first place, things would all be fine. I feel so terrible and I am so heart broken. The hardest part is that I did this to myself and it could be easily preventable. I don't know what to do with myself, and all I can think about is him. I have tried to explain to him how much he means to me and how much I miss him, how much I need him. He understands, but he doesn't feel the same way. We had such a perfect relationship, we were both completely in love with each other. I am scared that he will never love me again and never want to be with me. The farther we drift apart, the less he is going to want give it another try with me I know I messed up. I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I know you can't make someone fall in love with you. He says he "will always love me", but this is just tearing me up inside. Please help me, what should I do? Is there any way or anything else I can say to him to make him realize how perfect we are for each other? Thank you so much for your help...
Corbin Dallas Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Sounds like he genuinely cares for you, but sounds like his love has changed. It's no longer the romantic love he's feeling...he probably wants to move on. I know its hard to let go. You should try also to move on for your sake. It will hurt you more trying to get him back. It's best for you to start doing your own thing and living your life. Like spend time with some really close friends, anything that will get your mind off him.
PrincessBOT Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Just think for a minute. Perhaps it will help to think of it from his point of view or as if he broke up with you. He breaks up with you because he wanted to see if there was anything better than you. 1) Why? Weren't you good enough 2) Would your respect yourself 2) How do you know he won't hurt you again and then you would hate yourself for accepting him back. I think that if you were not happy and felt you wanted out of the relationship then you did the right thing. Maybe now you feel that it was a mistake, but it is not about you anymore. Read through LS and you will see that the conscensus is the he should work on healing himself and you should let him heal. Not only LS but from my personal experience in being in your ex's shoes I know he needs to heal from the heartbreak and you need to let him. Why? People make mistakes right. Yes they do, but it don't seem like you made a mistake. You felt the way you did for a reason and it didn't just dissappear, you got scared and perhaps missed the comforts of a relationship after your first few dating experiences. But what will happen if you get back together and the fear is gone? What happens when you meet someone (and you will) and you click with him and you start wondering again? Realize that many people wonder what else is out there, but to have the ability to leave someone you love and the "perfect relationship" for the unknown is a powerful thing and saturated with meaning. Give yourself time to live out what your were feeling without involving your ex and his feelings.
ninjaturtles Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Hi there, Its sucks to hurt and yearn for someone, when we disposed of the person...Apart from missing the person etc, you must feel so bad because its like you put this burden and sadness on yourself...You are human so accept that you make mistakes and breaking up with him was a wrong move. I honestly dont know what to say....Its good you let him know you still love him. Its good you found the courage to do so..however your ex boyfriend is probably still very hurt. One thing I have observed in men is that they have a lot of pride.(Not negative). For eg, I know several guys who did not take thier ex girlfriends back when these exes cheated on him..however I know so many women who have taken thier ex boyfriends back, after thorough treatment with abandon. I know so many women who have been dumped harshly by men, but STILL went back to these men, however so many men I know told me they would NEVER take back a girl who dumped them for no reason. I gues men sometimes can be more rational, they just dont forget! With women we tend to go more with emotions...we can be wooed etc. Your ex was probably very hurt and devasted when you 2 broke up. He probably went through hell trying to move on etc, he has developed a defence mechanism, you would too if you were in his shoes. Now, when you broke up with him, did you still speak to him on the phone? I have read on LS stories about women leaving men, goinf back to plead with them, getting rejected at first but after a few months getting back together...All hope is not lost but you need to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Dont put anymore pressure on him..maybe you could send him a heartfelt letter, then leave it at that....If he wants to come back, he will and if he does not ...well...You can only move on. It must be very plainful what you are going through, but I guess you understand why he feels this way. TAKE CARE and keep us posted....try to be strong, everyone makes mistakes..what is important is that you try to correct these mistakes..thats what you are doing now....If he does not come back, you can only move on. He may come back in a few months, not necessarily now. Bear that in mind. xxx
lovelorcet Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Honestly? It sounds like you broke his heart. Take your medicine, learn your lesson and move on.
PrincessBOT Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Hi there, Dont put anymore pressure on him..maybe you could send him a heartfelt letter, then leave it at that....If he wants to come back, he will and if he does not ...well...You can only move on. TAKE CARE and keep us posted....try to be strong, everyone makes mistakes..what is important is that you try to correct these mistakes..thats what you are doing now....If he does not come back, you can only move on. He may come back in a few months, not necessarily now. Bear that in mind. xxx This is what you tell someone who was dumped because they did not want to end the relationship. She dumped him and the reason she dumped him is what needs to be taken in consideration. She is young and is she is thinking about what else is out there now. Those feelings most likely didn't go away. This just doesn't seem like the ideal situation to pursue the dumped. Every mistake can't be corrected. If the ex is strong and wise enough he will not let himself get back in this situation especially while she is confused and going back and forth between her feelings.
Summer_guy_uk Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 If it was me in question and it had been longer than a few months then I would have already had my heartache and moved on. If my ex came back to me aftera couple months and in my mind I was already over her, then that plus the knowing at one point you didnt want me and that it took a long time to heal = it wouldn't be possible. He doesn't want to be put in a position where he can be hurt again, especially if the reason you left was "to see what else is out there". I'm in my own boat right now where my gf has left me, we both have personal issues to sort out and I hope in 4-6 weeks we could make it work again and have things the way there were when our relationship was great. But if it took too long or I knew she was with other guys, I just don't think it would be possible.
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