mopar crazy Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 After the affair is over the bs IMHO has it best. If she chooses to stay married she has a h who is truly remorseful and working hard at fixing things. If she works at it, this is a time to build the m the way it should have been before the a. Also, I tend to believe that once burned twice shy is more accurate description of the former mm than is once a cheater...etc. Not true, in my case. I will always remember the pain that he caused me by having an A. While it doesn't hurt much anymore I will always remember the pain I did have and it was no where near the pain I had as an OW. Staying in a M to someone who was unfaithful is hard work, very hard work. Sure, I could of continued w/ the D proceedings instead of taking him back when he came crawling back to me, but I wanted to see if the M could be saved after his infidelity, I'm not one to give up. However, if he pulls this crap again I will D him, no doubt about that one. In no shape or form to I blame myself for his A. He made the choice to have an A instead of being a man and talking to me about the M problems. I wanted to go back to MC, he didn't want to, didn't think it would do any good. If he just would of stood back and looked at what HE was doing to cause the problems in our M I wouldn't have been such a bitch. ETA: The xOW had it much better than I did. Even after he broke it off w/ her she went on w/ her life. Found another co-worker to screw about a week later, dated him for 2 years and was happy. He did end it w/ her about a year or so ago. She is out playing the field again and sleeping w/ whomever will have her. She doesn't care as long as she is getting f'ed it's all good for her.
Frances Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 (nearly 3 years on) we have purchased a house together. Now, when I AM his woman; * Love falling deeper and deeper in love with him * Love sharing the days off in bed together * Love going around his families' houses to enjoy easter, new year, birthdays * Love the fact his kids have accepted me as daddys girlfriend *Love how I can walk around hand in hand with him * Love showing him off to the world * Love planning our future together *Knowing its not all about sex (although it is damn doggy good) *Knowing I have made him happier in 3 years than she ever did in 17 years. * Love being 18 years younger than him and proving to everyone that we have worked. In my opinion, those two lists pretty much sum it all up... BTW; I love doing his washing and cooking him food, because it all tells me that what we risked has totally worked out and he is mine for all the right reasons.... Sounds great but it is still early days yet to say it has worked. Why do you love being 18 years younger than him? How old is he now? Are you in for the long haul?
Adreanna Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Kids do get hurt! I think most people say, 'kids will adjust' because they are justifying what they are doing.....it's a denial thing! Kids lose respect for parents that live a lie and feel let down. IMO, if people were just honest in their relationships.......it would be better for everyone. If a marriage is over or someone wants to leave for someone else then fine BUT BE HONEST for the sake of all parties invloved! IMO, cheating is selfish, immature and causes too much heartache for all involved. Of course people cheating will justify it anyway they can or want. As for who has it better? In the end......NOBODY has it better, I mean who is really happy living a lie? I agree with you about the part cheaters and those involved with cheaters will justify what they are doing. I also don't think kids adjust easily. They will be scarred by the whole affair IF they were told about it. It depends how you look at it. Some have it better but like I read earlier, MM has it the best. He after all, have the best of both worlds.
White Flower Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 Nid, this seems like one of those q's that really has no answer, because each sitch is different. However I'll answer based on what I've observed from myself and others. During the affair the ws has it better. He's getting all of his needs met. They're being met by 2 different women, but they're being met. Both women are being haslighted. After the affair is over the bs IMHO has it best. If she chooses to stay married she has a h who is truly remorseful and working hard at fixing things. If she works at it, this is a time to build the m the way it should have been before the a. Also, I tend to believe that once burned twice shy is more accurate description of the former mm than is once a cheater...etc. I also agree here. Right now MM has it great. He has at least 2 beautiful (he says I am, not me) women who love him and there is a world of variety in those two. Lucky guy. But at the end of the day I know she gets all of him whether she finds out or not. If she finds out he will be better than he is to her now and right now he is pretty darn perfect. If she doesn't find out, then she still gets pretty darn perfect.
Adreanna Posted December 2, 2007 Posted December 2, 2007 I also agree here. Right now MM has it great. He has at least 2 beautiful (he says I am, not me) women who love him and there is a world of variety in those two. Lucky guy. But at the end of the day I know she gets all of him whether she finds out or not. If she finds out he will be better than he is to her now and right now he is pretty darn perfect. If she doesn't find out, then she still gets pretty darn perfect. If only a lot of OW would think the way you do and willing to see views from other parties. Another person I can think of from reading here is Nadiaj2727 and a couple more who don't post as often anymore.
scaredinlove Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 BS or OP. I have to ask because so many responses from OPs tell a story that sounds a lot like this: I don't have to cook for him or clean for him. OR after a D-day: I wouldn't sleep with him/her if I were the spouse knowing what I know. I don't get it. Why does the OP, who was once a willing sexual partner to the same person, now feel that their spouse shouldn't be a willing sexual partner? Or do any of the other things that they have always done in their own marriage? It is basically because the other person know the thruth. I know my MM has had sex with his W and I honestly hate it BUT he tells me everything so it is my choice to stay or leave. The BS has no idea what is going on, so is a matter of thrust. i told my MM that I would never stay with him if he lied to me. I wouldn't stay married to someone who cheated either. this is my view now, it may change one day.......
White Flower Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 I am better off. 'And what ever it was she was giving him, she is now giving to someone else. Cause they didn't make it past d-day. What I needed was medical attention and he chose to use what was happening to me to manipulate the situation. Now he is picking up the pieces of what is left of his life. You know, I really feel for you more and more. I tend to suffer from depression but it is borderline and I don't usually require meds. The thing that hurts most is when you're really down and need attention whether it be medical or physical or emotional and you don't get it you are completely stranded. You could die right there and he would think you were sleeping. I have felt this countless times. Your husband was an a** for not doing his part to first recognize your needs and then act on them. You really are better off without him and I pray you find someone who is worthy of you. I hope you find someone who not only takes care of you, but always makes you laugh.
White Flower Posted December 3, 2007 Posted December 3, 2007 If only a lot of OW would think the way you do and willing to see views from other parties. Another person I can think of from reading here is Nadiaj2727 and a couple more who don't post as often anymore. Thanks for saying so:)
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