twistedapart Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 HAHA. That's easy. Of course we ow do. We get the BEST part of him without all the chores and duties at home. So it's pretty much all playtime and no serious "adult" issues clouding the love process. What I like best about my situation is that I never desired to have kids because I knew it would ruin my body. So my mm's wife had kids and she is completely dumpy looking- probably due to the whole mothering thing. So I keep the gorgeous bod and get to sort of step-mother her kids (well soon enough I will). They love me. Of course they don't know that I am sleeping with their father, but am moreso right now just a family friend to them. But eventually, I'll be their step-mom. So I get the kids without the mess of my figure.
Lizzie60 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 HAHA. That's easy. Of course we ow do. We get the BEST part of him without all the chores and duties at home. So it's pretty much all playtime and no serious "adult" issues clouding the love process. What I like best about my situation is that I never desired to have kids because I knew it would ruin my body. So my mm's wife had kids and she is completely dumpy looking- probably due to the whole mothering thing. So I keep the gorgeous bod and get to sort of step-mother her kids (well soon enough I will). They love me. Of course they don't know that I am sleeping with their father, but am moreso right now just a family friend to them. But eventually, I'll be their step-mom. So I get the kids without the mess of my figure. WOW... I don't judge you, I totally respect people who don't want kids.. but I have to tell you that I had 2 children... and I have a great body.. it didn't 'ruin' my body one bit. I loooove kids... they are our most precious 'treasures'... but I have to say that if your MM's wife look dumpy.. it's not because of the kids.. it's probably more because she stopped taking care of herself. Don't look down on women who had kids.. please ... it's our most precious assets... Women, sometimes, neglect their looks right after they get married... it just like they take their H for granted... 'he's mine now' I don't have to do any chasing anymore... wrong... It is also true that a couple usually gain weight when they are in a relationship... (both men and women)... and it's not always due to maternity... when we're single we don't eat as well.. me anyway.. Don't be so sure that the kids will always love you.. once they find out that you break their parent's marriage, they might start to look you under a different 'light'.. Please never use the children for a tug-o-war with their mom... these kids do not deserve to be hurt... Respect them and they will respect you... This is NOT a competition as to who the kids will love more... this is NOT a game. Sorry I am a OW.. but I have to say that you sound very young and immature.... even dangerous for his kids.. How old are you btw?
silktricks Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Nid, this seems like one of those q's that really has no answer, because each sitch is different. However I'll answer based on what I've observed from myself and others. During the affair the ws has it better. He's getting all of his needs met. They're being met by 2 different women, but they're being met. Both women are being haslighted. After the affair is over the bs IMHO has it best. If she chooses to stay married she has a h who is truly remorseful and working hard at fixing things. If she works at it, this is a time to build the m the way it should have been before the a. Also, I tend to believe that once burned twice shy is more accurate description of the former mm than is once a cheater...etc.
Lizzie60 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Nid, this seems like one of those q's that really has no answer, because each sitch is different. However I'll answer based on what I've observed from myself and others. During the affair the ws has it better. He's getting all of his needs met. They're being met by 2 different women, but they're being met. Both women are being haslighted. After the affair is over the bs IMHO has it best. If she chooses to stay married she has a h who is truly remorseful and working hard at fixing things. If she works at it, this is a time to build the m the way it should have been before the a. Also, I tend to believe that once burned twice shy is more accurate description of the former mm than is once a cheater...etc. I agree that the MM has the best of both world.. a W and a mistress... but I have to disagree with the bold statement. This is sooo not true. I have seen hundred of married men in the last 5 years and let me tell you that once they get caught... they might feel remorse, but it doesn't last very long... he might pretend he's working on the M.. but he might also be 'hunting' for an new OW... I honestly don't think that a M can be as strong as it was before the A... Not a chance... the W will never forget, she might forgive but she has a huge emotional scar... The MM rarely stay faithful once he has tasted that kind of excitement... trust me on that one...
Lizzie60 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I feel ya. I have 2 kids 21 and 15 and I still wear a size six. I run most days, so having my babies didn't ruin my body. And if cheating on me had anything to do with looks, why did he boink a porker? Who has 4 kids by the way. I agree.. I know lots of women who had kids and it doesn't show at all.. but on the other hand.. I've seen lots of women who stopped caring about their body because they didn't feel she had to, or didn't have time...etc... but I have to disagree on one point... the MM usually 'upgrade' he rarely 'downgrade' on the women he has an A with. You are an exception my dear. ..and/or you don't know the others.
whichwayisup Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 We get the BEST part of him without all the chores and duties at home. So it's pretty much all playtime and no serious "adult" issues clouding the love process. Aka, FANTASY. Not enough for 'real' life stuff, just fun on the side. You fulfill a need he isn't getting at home, fun and sex. How is that a good thing long term for you? Think about it...At Christmas time, or New Years Eve, he's at home with his wife, not with you. Hopefully one day you'll want more out of a relationship and not be his side dish, and end it so you can find a single man who can offer you everything, instead of just the fantasy.
Lizzie60 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Yeah.. some people like the provocative posts... Whenever two parents fight so that the police has to be called.. that's low-class trailer park jerks...IMO Sorry but anyone who do NOT respect children, whether it's the OW, OM, parents are IMO...pure immature idiots.
Gwyneth Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 HAHA. That's easy. Of course we ow do. We get the BEST part of him without all the chores and duties at home. So it's pretty much all playtime and no serious "adult" issues clouding the love process. What I like best about my situation is that I never desired to have kids because I knew it would ruin my body. So my mm's wife had kids and she is completely dumpy looking- probably due to the whole mothering thing. So I keep the gorgeous bod and get to sort of step-mother her kids (well soon enough I will). They love me. Of course they don't know that I am sleeping with their father, but am moreso right now just a family friend to them. But eventually, I'll be their step-mom. So I get the kids without the mess of my figure. Wow, what horrible things to say about mothers' bodies. Wow. My mom has a bulge in the stomach, but she calls that "happy baby fat left overs." To say she looks dumpy because she is a mother tells me that you do not value or understand motherhood at all. That is sad coming from a woman. Sure, they love you now, but when they do know you sleep with daddy, they might not like you too much then. Enjoy it while you can.
Virgo1982 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Heck I know women half my age who have never had a baby and are 3xs my size. Yeah, it drives me crazy that some people insist on trying to put everyone in a neat little box so they don't have to think any further.
Mino Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 HAHA. That's easy. Of course we ow do. We get the BEST part of him without all the chores and duties at home. So it's pretty much all playtime and no serious "adult" issues clouding the love process. What I like best about my situation is that I never desired to have kids because I knew it would ruin my body. So my mm's wife had kids and she is completely dumpy looking- probably due to the whole mothering thing. So I keep the gorgeous bod and get to sort of step-mother her kids (well soon enough I will). They love me. Of course they don't know that I am sleeping with their father, but am moreso right now just a family friend to them. But eventually, I'll be their step-mom. So I get the kids without the mess of my figure. You missing out on the best part of life, I have a better body then most 20 somethings, its all on how you take care of yourself. I could not image life without children
KnownTruth Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 BS or OP. I have to ask because so many responses from OPs tell a story that sounds a lot like this: I don't have to cook for him or clean for him. OR after a D-day: I wouldn't sleep with him/her if I were the spouse knowing what I know. I don't get it. Why does the OP, who was once a willing sexual partner to the same person, now feel that their spouse shouldn't be a willing sexual partner? Or do any of the other things that they have always done in their own marriage? I agree with alot of the other responses, neither one has it better. The H does in a lot of ways he gets a spouse and another person to meet his needs on the side..
silktricks Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I agree that the MM has the best of both world.. a W and a mistress... but I have to disagree with the bold statement. This is sooo not true. I have seen hundred of married men in the last 5 years and let me tell you that once they get caught... they might feel remorse, but it doesn't last very long... he might pretend he's working on the M.. but he might also be 'hunting' for an new OW... I honestly don't think that a M can be as strong as it was before the A... Not a chance... the W will never forget, she might forgive but she has a huge emotional scar... The MM rarely stay faithful once he has tasted that kind of excitement... trust me on that one... Oh for gawd's sake Lizzie, how on earth can you say my opinion is wrong? It's MY OPINION, based on MY experiences and the experiences of a few other people I know. You can have your own opinion, and I'm certain that it's not the same as mine. That doesn't make my opinion wrong, it just makes it different from yours. BTW, unless you've actually recovered a marriage after an affair, I don't believe that you can speak from any position of knowing about what the wife may or may not feel years after the situation is over. You can only assume what those feelings are - and even there, the feelings will probably be very different for different individuals. You may have had many experiences with many married men, but the serial cheaters - who seem to be the ones you have your relationships with - are not the only kind of men who have affairs. There are a number of men (and women) who have one affair, learn their lesson and NEVER have another. I'm not saying they are or are not in the majority, as I simply do not know - just as you don't. All either of us can do is base our opinions on our experiences. My opinion is based on my experiences, and the experiences of a few other women who I've had close knowing relationships with. Your opinion is based on your experiences. As is obvious, I also didn't speak of the MM (or MW) who choose to leave the BS and stay with the OP. I do know of a few cases where that happened, but I did not have the depth of relationship with any of the players to speak with any kind of knowledge about their experience.
Impudent Oyster Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I agree that the MM has the best of both world.. a W and a mistress... but I have to disagree with the bold statement. This is sooo not true. I have seen hundred of married men in the last 5 years and let me tell you that once they get caught... they might feel remorse, but it doesn't last very long... he might pretend he's working on the M.. but he might also be 'hunting' for an new OW... I honestly don't think that a M can be as strong as it was before the A... Not a chance... the W will never forget, she might forgive but she has a huge emotional scar... The MM rarely stay faithful once he has tasted that kind of excitement... trust me on that one... Now that is just hilarious. Absolutely hilarious! My god Lizzie, you must have to beat those 100's of men who you've "had" off with a stick, how did you ever keep them from continuing to sleep with you? I mean, you claim they keep coming back for more and can't stay faithful. I bet it was impossible to keep them away from that kind of excitement, huh? Tell me Lizzie, what happened to your husband? Did he get tired of the excitement?
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Gross! Women that sleep with hundreds of married men, if not thousands throughout their lifetime, are nasty, filthy, and just plain harlots. When one is in their fifties, what is wrong with them upstairs that they are meeting these men in their massage trailer and starting relationships this way? Any decency? That desperate to be validated? I cannot fathom that there are women out there that are as cheap and sleazy. I really hope that these posts are ficticious. You really give massage therapists a bad, cheap wrap. The funny part of this whole mess is that what you are doing in your massage trailer is probably illegal no doubt! Why don't you just list your true occupation? Hooker!
bish Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Now that is just hilarious. Absolutely hilarious! My god Lizzie, you must have to beat those 100's of men who you've "had" off with a stick, how did you ever keep them from continuing to sleep with you? I mean, you claim they keep coming back for more and can't stay faithful. I bet it was impossible to keep them away from that kind of excitement, huh? Well when one opens up and basically says, "come and get it anytime you want it"....it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know the cheating MM will go for an easy piece. And for men like that, the woman doesn't have to even be attractive. A hole is a hole.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I have a feeling that Lizzie is nothing other than an escort or paid-for-sex call-girl! A lot of these "massage therapists" unfortunately go that route. And it seems to suit her personality to do so. She meets her men as her clients. They pay her for services rendered. And it probably continues that way. I'm sorry, but no woman in her fifties would be picking up all these married men unless the men in question were desperate enough to pay for it. I just hope she keeps it clean and safe for everyone involved. Interestingly, she drops these men [as her clients] and they are never the ones to initiate a break-up with this older pre-menopausal woman. What sounds more ridiculous?
Impudent Oyster Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Any massage therapist who offers the option of a happy ending is a working girl...and you know how I mean that. I thought Lizzie was an OW...she most definitely is not, she's a pro.
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I feel ya. I have 2 kids 21 and 15 and I still wear a size six. I run most days, so having my babies didn't ruin my body. And if cheating on me had anything to do with looks, why did he boink a porker? Who has 4 kids by the way. You have just made a very good point! Not all As have to do with how pretty or slim a woman is. As one of my colleagues (a BW) told me it doesn't matter how pretty they are; it only matters how they make the man feel. I'm not saying you did a bad job at all. If he was unhappy, he should have made it known and given you a chance to grow into what he needed. That porker probably makes him feel like some kind of hero or sex god or something ridiculous. You sound better off without him.
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I agree.. I know lots of women who had kids and it doesn't show at all.. but on the other hand.. I've seen lots of women who stopped caring about their body because they didn't feel she had to, or didn't have time...etc... but I have to disagree on one point... the MM usually 'upgrade' he rarely 'downgrade' on the women he has an A with. You are an exception my dear. ..and/or you don't know the others. It really depends on what his idea of an upgrade is...not all men are into thin women. My MM said he's tired of feeling bones! He wanted someone softer...
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I live in the south and most are not upgrades. Unless you consider someone other than family an upgrade. Ha ha ha ha ha..........! You are growing on me, Bent!
White Flower Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I agree that the MM has the best of both world.. a W and a mistress... but I have to disagree with the bold statement. This is sooo not true. I have seen hundred of married men in the last 5 years and let me tell you that once they get caught... they might feel remorse, but it doesn't last very long... he might pretend he's working on the M.. but he might also be 'hunting' for an new OW... I honestly don't think that a M can be as strong as it was before the A... Not a chance... the W will never forget, she might forgive but she has a huge emotional scar... The MM rarely stay faithful once he has tasted that kind of excitement... trust me on that one... Hold on guys. Lizzie did not say all reformed MM were definitely this way; she kept saying, "might". She is the only one here at LS who can give us this perspective. She is doing us a favor by sharing her experience with us--she doesn't have to do that! I for one am glad to know what she's telling me.
silktricks Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Hold on guys. Lizzie did not say all reformed MM were definitely this way; she kept saying, "might". She is the only one here at LS who can give us this perspective. She is doing us a favor by sharing her experience with us--she doesn't have to do that! I for one am glad to know what she's telling me. Not to put too fine a point on it, but she said: I agree that the MM has the best of both world.. a W and a mistress... but I have to disagree with the bold statement. This is sooo not true. I have seen hundred of married men in the last 5 years and let me tell you that once they get caught... they might feel remorse, but it doesn't last very long... he might pretend he's working on the M.. but he might also be 'hunting' for an new OW... I honestly don't think that a M can be as strong as it was before the A... Not a chance... the W will never forget, she might forgive but she has a huge emotional scar... The MM rarely stay faithful once he has tasted that kind of excitement... trust me on that one... So, yes, she did use the word might three times. She also used the phrase "don't think" immediately followed by "not a chance" She was also bombastic in voicing that my opinion was wrong, which is what I spoke of in my prior posting. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy Lizzie's posts and opinions, because I do, but that doesn't mean that she (or anyone) has the right to tell me (or anyone else) that my opinion is wrong. It's simply an opinion that is different from hers.
White Flower Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Not to put too fine a point on it, but she said: So, yes, she did use the word might three times. She also used the phrase "don't think" immediately followed by "not a chance" She was also bombastic in voicing that my opinion was wrong, which is what I spoke of in my prior posting. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy Lizzie's posts and opinions, because I do, but that doesn't mean that she (or anyone) has the right to tell me (or anyone else) that my opinion is wrong. It's simply an opinion that is different from hers. Ya know, I guess I have to admit you're right. It is so interesting how when one is not directly challenged, we see it from a different and peaceful perspective. But when it is us who is challenged, boy, we call them on it! I do it too, so I'm not being sarcastic. I saw some of those words when I was highlighting the ones that pertained to me and how I wanted to see her post and you found the ones that pertained to you. And it is so refreshing to be called on something without being blasted, so, thanks!
silktricks Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 no worries :) If I didn't enjoy the exchange of ideas I wouldn't post here.
Author NoIDidn't Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 Nid, this seems like one of those q's that really has no answer, because each sitch is different. However I'll answer based on what I've observed from myself and others. During the affair the ws has it better. He's getting all of his needs met. They're being met by 2 different women, but they're being met. Both women are being haslighted. After the affair is over the bs IMHO has it best. If she chooses to stay married she has a h who is truly remorseful and working hard at fixing things. If she works at it, this is a time to build the m the way it should have been before the a. Also, I tend to believe that once burned twice shy is more accurate description of the former mm than is once a cheater...etc. Silk, THat's why I asked it. To see what the answers would possibly be. It just seems that many OPs think they are somehow better than the betrayed. And maybe they are, but its a very arrogant stance to take. IMO. But the question really was who has it better. I have to agree with your assessment, to a degree. The only problem I would have with being the WS is knowing that I was lying to two people for my own selfish ends. Me, personally, can't deal with that level of cognitive dissonance. I can't live two lives with one mind. It would drive me crazy. Maybe the person having it better in their own perception, is really only looking at portions of the time and not ALL of the time.
Recommended Posts