NoIDidn't Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 BS or OP. I have to ask because so many responses from OPs tell a story that sounds a lot like this: I don't have to cook for him or clean for him. OR after a D-day: I wouldn't sleep with him/her if I were the spouse knowing what I know. I don't get it. Why does the OP, who was once a willing sexual partner to the same person, now feel that their spouse shouldn't be a willing sexual partner? Or do any of the other things that they have always done in their own marriage?
GreenEyedLady Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Who has it better? The one who is happy with what they have...
Gwyneth Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 My mom tells me never to marry unless I want a grown child. While I have it good because I don't have to deal with the toilet not being flushed, or the toilet lid / seat down, or him leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor, or not refilling the toilet paper, or needing a mother more than a wife or lover, I also have it bad because he isn't there next to me in the morning when I wake up. My walking disease ex needed a mom who was also a lover--not a respectful girlfriend. His next girlfriend gave him baths. If he did and needed to cheat on me to find a woman to be his mother and lover, then so be it--who the Heck needs that?
Author NoIDidn't Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 Who has it better? The one who is happy with what they have... No fair. It doesn't even answer the question!!!! LOL. It changes it. I didn't ask who has it "best"!!! But adding to that silly response, maybe the BS IS happy with what they have too. Can you answer this for me? What are you saying that "they" have? I hope no one uses this as an argument. I really just want intelligent and thoughtful conversation.
Gwyneth Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I hope no one uses this as an argument. I really just want intelligent and thoughtful conversation. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave the board for at least five hours, come back, and there will be around 6 pages of arguing and debating here, as I saw this evening from my post.
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 BS or OP. I have to ask because so many responses from OPs tell a story that sounds a lot like this: I don't have to cook for him or clean for him. OR after a D-day: I wouldn't sleep with him/her if I were the spouse knowing what I know. I don't get it. Why does the OP, who was once a willing sexual partner to the same person, now feel that their spouse shouldn't be a willing sexual partner? Or do any of the other things that they have always done in their own marriage? That's easy: Neither.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 No fair. It doesn't even answer the question!!!! LOL. It changes it. I didn't ask who has it "best"!!! But adding to that silly response, maybe the BS IS happy with what they have too. Can you answer this for me? What are you saying that "they" have? I hope no one uses this as an argument. I really just want intelligent and thoughtful conversation. Well, I mean that's really the crux of it... If you're happy with things the way they are, then you're the one who has it better/best... The one who is upset and unhappy is the one who has it worst...So if the BS likes things the way they are (nice house, financially stable, intact family) and the OW is the one who is sad, then the BS is the one who has it better... Or if the OW is happy with the way things are (for whatever reason) and the BS is sad that her H is never around and having an A, then the OW has it better... Or (probably the most likely scenario) the OW and the BS don't like the way things are but the MM does, so HE is the one who has it better... And finally, no one likes the way things are and no one is happy and everyone is just miserable... So I guess it just depends on what everyone's needs are and whether they are getting met...What meets one person's needs, won't meet another's and vice versa...
OpenBook Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 That's easy: Neither. I'm with you, Virgo!!
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 While I have it good because I don't have to deal with the toilet not being flushed, or the toilet lid / seat down, or him leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor, or not refilling the toilet paper, or needing a mother more than a wife or lover, I also have it bad because he isn't there next to me in the morning when I wake up. What men do you come across with? Do men really leave their shoes everywhere? Toilet sit up? I've read women saying the same thing... I suppose men from different countries are different! As for who has it better... my aunt who was cheated on had it better. She left her husband, received what she should - money every month up (7 figure), a mansion, 2 of his cars etc. It's not the material things that made it better for her but her husband was not allowed to see my cousins (it's the law because she went all out to tell the court husband cheated), the OW was sued and she met someone worthy 2 years later. Her ex-husband had to file for bankruptcy. Despite what he did to her and family, she gave one of his car back to him, put a down payment for an apartment for him to live in and start afresh and forgave him for what he did. It didn't take the bankruptcy for her to do all (especially the forgiving part) that but because she has a big heart. So I say she has it better.
Tomcat33 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 BS or OP. I don't have to cook for him or clean for him. Why does the OP, who was once a willing sexual partner to the same person, now feel that their spouse shouldn't be a willing sexual partner? Or do any of the other things that they have always done in their own marriage? Because it not a comptetition to see who can pi$$ furthest once women get this idea into their heads they will find happiness. I'm with GEL the one who is truly happy doing what they are doing has it best. It's all about how one feels in the situation they are in not in what is perceived from the outside. The cooking and cleaning thing is prob because as a spouse you have to retake up all your duties whether you want to or not, when the last thing you prob feel like doing for someone that has hurt you in such a way is to look after them as you would your best friend, or family. An OW who gets the guy is still in the courting stages and she gives what she wants and there is no pressure. A spouse has no choice if they want true recovery. So a BS really has to suck it up and put their best foot foward want to or not because the rel is already on shakey ground.
Virgo1982 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 The only reason why I asked that question was to make the point that BS who decide to stay with their WS can not express frustration the way they'd like if they want to keep the M together. So, that might be a reason why some of them feel the need to attack. Who am I to say who has it better? Happiness is a state of mind. But if you ask who I think is better off, from the outside looking in-no feelings involved-neither of them.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 What men do you come across with? Do men really leave their shoes everywhere? Toilet sit up? I've read women saying the same thing... I suppose men from different countries are different! As for who has it better... my aunt who was cheated on had it better. She left her husband, received what she should - money every month up (7 figure), a mansion, 2 of his cars etc. It's not the material things that made it better for her but her husband was not allowed to see my cousins (it's the law because she went all out to tell the court husband cheated), the OW was sued and she met someone worthy 2 years later. Her ex-husband had to file for bankruptcy. Despite what he did to her and family, she gave one of his car back to him, put a down payment for an apartment for him to live in and start afresh and forgave him for what he did. It didn't take the bankruptcy for her to do all (especially the forgiving part) that but because she has a big heart. So I say she has it better. wow, she forbade him to see his own children?? big heart indeed and all so fair to the kiddos..
PoshPrincess Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I have to say I agree with GEL and TomCat. It depends on your perspective whilst in the R, as to whether you're happy, whether you feel you have everything you want, etc. I certainly felt I was better off than MMs W at the beginning of our R although I suppose she was blissfully unaware of what was going on behind her back at the time. Once things got serious, however, I wanted to be with him permanently, wanted to wake up with him, etc and I became the loser in all of it. Who's better off now? I don't consider it to be me as I am not with the man I love, although neither am I with a cheat so I should maybe be grateful for that (?) Hopefully for his Ws sake, she considers herself to be better off than me now (if she even thinks about what happened at all, that is) but maybe she isn't. Maybe she is still unhappy, maybe he's still treating her badly, in which case, neither os us are better off!
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 wow, she forbade him to see his own children?? big heart indeed and all so fair to the kiddos.. Yes because he slapped one son during one of their arguments.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Yes because he slapped one son during one of their arguments. Of course.. afterall, she's the saint/victim..he's the evildoer in every which way. I just don't like deep one-sided depictions. Wow.. one slap and you are forbidden from seeing your kids for how long?? One day a spank will be illegal as well.
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Of course.. afterall, she's the saint/victim..he's the evildoer in every which way. I just don't like deep one-sided depictions. Wow.. one slap and you are forbidden from seeing your kids for how long?? One day a spank will be illegal as well. She was emotionally crushed when she found out about his affair. Everyone was a victim then, how I see it.
Fancee Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 BS or OP. I have to ask because so many responses from OPs tell a story that sounds a lot like this: I don't have to cook for him or clean for him. OR after a D-day: I wouldn't sleep with him/her if I were the spouse knowing what I know. I don't get it. Why does the OP, who was once a willing sexual partner to the same person, now feel that their spouse shouldn't be a willing sexual partner? Or do any of the other things that they have always done in their own marriage? If and when your happiness depends on someone else- Look to be miserable. Learn how to make your ownself happy. Once you learn these 2 rules; you will always have it better.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 You mentioned at first that he legally couldn't see the kids because of the affair. Where does this law exist? It's not the material things that made it better for her but her husband was not allowed to see my cousins (it's the law because she went all out to tell the court husband cheated), Now these are stories that scare men. The MM is left penniless, childless, reliant on rich ex-wife(per the settlement) throwing him an apartment when she sees fit. Wow.. that's pretty bad.
Leia Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 You mentioned at first that he legally couldn't see the kids because of the affair. Where does this law exist? It's not the material things that made it better for her but her husband was not allowed to see my cousins (it's the law because she went all out to tell the court husband cheated), Now these are stories that scare men. The MM is left penniless, childless, reliant on rich ex-wife(per the settlement) throwing him an apartment when she sees fit. Wow.. that's pretty bad. That was what my aunt wanted and talked with the lawyers. It happened to my aunt's family. So what if it scares the men? Do I look like I care? My cousins were hurt... so was my aunt.
Lyssa Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Because it not a comptetition to see who can pi$$ furthest once women get this idea into their heads they will find happiness. TC - never fail to make me laugh! PP, TC have said it. I'm with them.
Woggle Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Neither. The BS is being betrayed by somebody that vowed to love tham and the OW is tearing themselves up emotionally over a cheater that treats them like a cheap side dish. Both women are pretty much getting played for suckers if you ask me though I do have more sympathy for the BS because she is the one that can genuinely say she is shocked when he betrays her.
Impudent Oyster Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 The person who maintains their integrity has it better. Once you lose that, you've got nothin'
Impudent Oyster Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Now these are stories that scare men. The MM is left penniless, childless, reliant on rich ex-wife(per the settlement) throwing him an apartment when she sees fit. Are you saying that's a bad thing?
OpenBook Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 The only reason why I asked that question was to make the point that BS who decide to stay with their WS can not express frustration the way they'd like if they want to keep the M together. So, that might be a reason why some of them feel the need to attack. Who am I to say who has it better? Happiness is a state of mind. But if you ask who I think is better off, from the outside looking in-no feelings involved-neither of them. This makes a lot of sense to me. What a horrible way to live!!
frannie Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 BS or OP. I have to ask because so many responses from OPs tell a story that sounds a lot like this: I don't have to cook for him or clean for him. OR after a D-day: I wouldn't sleep with him/her if I were the spouse knowing what I know. I don't get it. Why does the OP, who was once a willing sexual partner to the same person, now feel that their spouse shouldn't be a willing sexual partner? Or do any of the other things that they have always done in their own marriage? In those given scenarios, no, no one 'has it better' and nothing makes sense. But I don't think either of those perspectives is really a 'whole truth' in themselves. They're just words on a message board, the product of too much back-and-forth adversarial debate rather than intelligent conversation.
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