I feel completely less

[randuff]

I don't know if it is the holidays or what but I am going nuts.

 

I have been in an absolutely horrible mood, feeling sorry for myself I guess. I am such a great guy and so good to her but it wasn't the right time nor place.

 

I have written a list of pros and cons. Guess which one outweighed the other? Yeah of course. Almost all the pros were things like sex and looks and things of that nature. Yet I can't make myself just let it go! Seven full months since the break up and I can't just say good-bye. What is it that I am clinging to?

 

We text this morning (as we talk everyday) and I told her that I have been calling Psychs and counselors. She said that was great. I then said I don't want to go because I will have to let her go and I don't want to. Her response : Baby you have to. <-----She is telling me the right thing to do yet I keep refusing to do it. I told her if I let go then we couldn't be friends and she responded "okay then."

 

Is it because she is having an easy time with the goodbye that makes me NOT want to let go? I guess part of me wants to hear "I don't want to lose you as a friend, I love you and that would break my heart." Ridiculous huh?

 

I just can't imagine after 4 years just dropping her out of my life. We have spoken to one another every day and it just kills me to think of no contact with her.

 

My life seems so invalid now. I don't know why. I bought myself a motorcycle and got a new job that I have been wanting but I still feel a huge void.

 

 

Ok update as I was typing this she called.

 

So the conversations basically went like this :

 

ME - I am miserable and I don't know what to do.

HER - You go to the counselor and get help.

ME - I am I just don't want to let go after 4 years

HER - That is the past you need to get better for yourself

ME - I know I do

HER - I love you and this will be hard for me but it's what you need baby.

ME - I know... That means I can't talk or text til I am better.

HER - I know and that is what you need.

ME - Well, have a good Christmas then.

HER - You too. I love you very much. More than anyone and more than you know.

ME - I love you too, Good Bye

 

Well.... Is this it? Or will I fall backwards once more?

 

I will desperately need support so if you all will be supportive of me and be my shoulders to cry on I can make it through this....

 

Ran

[bigheartkindsoul]

Hey there.

 

I can understand when you say about a void, I still struggle.

 

Sounds like you are doing the right sort of things with your job and treating yourself, I guess like me the rest will come in time hun.

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

 

Sorry I have no magic answers for you but Know you are not alone.

[serendip]

I going to write this as I am saying this to myself

 

It's the hardest thing to do ...but if you ever were her friend...if you truly ever loved her...if her being in your life meant anything to you...then let her go dude. Let her live...let her be free from any emotional burden.

 

and to yourself...live every second of your life

[jennyfur01]

I feel like we're in the same situation. My ex doesn't flat out tell me to move on, but if I say "should I just move on?" he says "do whatever you want" At least she's telling you the straight honest truth. As much as it hurts you just have to let her go. She probably thinks you won't do it. Maybe if you back off she'll start to miss you. Maybe not, but you need to get on with your life b/c the more you talk to her and each time you keep in contact it's just like picking a scab and the longer you do it the longer it'll take the heal. *hugz* Good luck to you

[randuff]

This is the right thing to do. I really believe that she cares for me deeply, just not in the same way that I feel about her. It is going to be a very difficult adjustment for me (even harder than the split from my EW who I was with for 7 years) but I can make it and I know that when all is said and done I'll be a much happier person. It's just going to be a long sucky road to get there.

[SYRACUSE03]

You really need to back off and get her to think. She knows you are right there. We've all been there. It's hard and difficult to do. Your thoughts are not ridiculous, we all think along the same line. Good luck!

 

jennyfur01 - Did my ex and you ex go to the same school of BS. It seems they graduate 1-2 in their class! My situation is identical!

[randuff]

I guess it's like a tattoo. At times when you are getting inked it hurts like hell (like my chest) but once the pain goes away you can appreciate what the end result of the pain is. Just like pulling off a scab I have constantly opened my wounds and never gave myself time for myself to heal.

 

I just need to "Set it free. If she comes back yadda yadda...."

 

Damn I am going to be lonely. If anyone in North Texas wants to go for drinks holla cuz I am gonna have a lot of free time......

[suffragette13]

I don't know you or your details but perhaps if your ex woman would stop jerking you around and telling you she loves you and calling you baby, it would be a little easier for you to let go. She's talking out of both sides of her mouth. Perhaps you guys should come up with some ground rules for language as she may be (un)intentionally leading you on with all the sweet talkin'. Sorry if that stings, I'm one of those angry girls. Lovely tatts and good luck to you.

[randuff]

Well hopefully I don't have to worry about that since we both decided it's best to go NC for the both of us. It's been 4 hours and I am already going friggin insane.....