shadowplay Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I must have come across differently than I had planned.. Her being flirtatious and lack of experience are not problems whatsoever for me. (her lack of experience is only a problem for teh reason that I feel she may want to leave me down the road for some new experiences) I feel we often dont have enough in common, argue about the smallest of things, and I sometimes find myself growing old with her when I know any other guy would be jumping at the chance to be with her..Girls I am typically attracted to are outgoing bubbly personalities, my gf definitely isn't one of those, not that thats a bad thing neccessarily...she is just a bad communicator and I wish she wouldn't be... Be more specific about what you don't have in common. Also would I be right in guessing that you have a somewhat passive personality and tend to go "with the flow"? That's not a criticism. I'm just trying to get a sense of what you're like and the dynamics of your relationship.
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Okay, now I have to giggle a bit but not at your expense, so don't take it that way. It's not often that a guy says a girl is a bad communicator. If she's flirtatious, it stands to reason that she's outgoing and a bit bubbly, no? lol..its alright, i dont take offense. As for her personality..sure, when were out at a bar, around friends, and were drinking, she can be a bit bubbly and outgoing.. I was mainly refering to a wednesday night when were at home on the couch..
shadowplay Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Simply put, she's hot. One of the best looking girls I've been with. She gets attention from guys all the time, etc. I was just opposed because I didnt like to be tied down. Even know, given how she looks, I find myself not attracted to her sometimes..and I know people would call me crazy...sometimes Im completely attracted to her and sometimes not. When does this usually happen? When you're feeling annoyed at her? Ok, I'm just going to eliminate this possibility -- Are you entirely straight? Btw, sorry to drill you. I'm just trying to understand your situation so I can give you better advice.
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Be more specific about what you don't have in common. Also would I be right in guessing that you have a somewhat passive personality and tend to go "with the flow"? That's not a criticism. I'm just trying to get a sense of what you're like and the dynamics of your relationship. Our lack of things in common may not be hobbies, etc. but more our personalities. You are close on the personality, if it were for her. She is VERY passive. I am more outgoing, willing to speak my mind. I dont like sitting around not saying anything for hours at a time...she apparently doesn't mind this. Seh's just very quiet a lot of the time we are together.
shadowplay Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Our lack of things in common may not be hobbies, etc. but more our personalities. You are close on the personality, if it were for her. She is VERY passive. I am more outgoing, willing to speak my mind. I dont like sitting around not saying anything for hours at a time...she apparently doesn't mind this. Seh's just very quiet a lot of the time we are together. Okay, I can see why that might be a problem. Does she have low self esteem?
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 When does this usually happen? When you're feeling annoyed at her? Ok, I'm just going to eliminate this possibility -- Are you entirely straight? Btw, sorry to drill you. I'm just trying to understand your situation so I can give you better advice. It's alright I appreciate the feedback. Ha..to eliminate that possibility, yes I am completely straight. Often times when Im not feeling attracted to her its because I'm thinking about another girl I saw that day, or have been with before...I know its not fair but I stack her up against other girls quite a bit...and I dont want to! I just find myself doing it... These times typically do come when Im annoyed, or bored with her, etc..
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 lol..its alright, i dont take offense. As for her personality..sure, when were out at a bar, around friends, and were drinking, she can be a bit bubbly and outgoing.. I was mainly refering to a wednesday night when were at home on the couch.. I'm starting to wonder how well you really know her and enjoy her companionship. If the two of you don't have much in common, have you not tried to find new hobbies that you both would like to try together, ie. golfing, hiking, etc.? The part that perplexes me is that you were friends first. Didn't you know what she was like, previous to getting involved with her? I almost get the feeling that you only appreciate her superficially.
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Okay, I can see why that might be a problem. Does she have low self esteem? I 100% think so. She would tell you otherwise. She's VERY concerned about her body, etc. Not that she is narcissistic or anything...She is very low maintenence, non materialistic, but does come across as very concerned about her body and having a low self esteem
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 I'm starting to wonder how well you really know her and enjoy her companionship. If the two of you don't have much in common, have you not tried to find new hobbies that you both would like to try together, ie. golfing, hiking, etc.? The part that perplexes me is that you were friends first. Didn't you know what she was like, previous to getting involved with her? I almost get the feeling that you only appreciate her superficially. We go to the beach, I dont mind going shopping with her, cook together, etc...we do, do things together. When I say lack of things in common, I think I am mainly refering to our personalities. And I've thought about that myself before...I find that is prettty much why I am attracted to girls, a girl could be a perfect 10 with a subpar personality and I would be attracted to her.
shadowplay Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I'm starting to wonder how well you really know her and enjoy her companionship. If the two of you don't have much in common, have you not tried to find new hobbies that you both would like to try together, ie. golfing, hiking, etc.? The part that perplexes me is that you were friends first. Didn't you know what she was like, previous to getting involved with her? I almost get the feeling that you only appreciate her superficially. I get that sense too. It's like he feels he should stay with her because so many guys would die to be in his place. He values her based on how much other guys do. I also find it a bit weird that she would be so quiet around him if they've been together for that long. It's as if they never broke the ice and connected on a deep level.
shadowplay Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 We go to the beach, I dont mind going shopping with her, cook together, etc...we do, do things together. When I say lack of things in common, I think I am mainly refering to our personalities. And I've thought about that myself before...I find that is prettty much why I am attracted to girls, a girl could be a perfect 10 with a subpar personality and I would be attracted to her. But it sounds like you respond to personalities on a superficial level. That kind of bubbly, outgoing personality can easily wear thin if there isn't much substance to back it up. It sounds like you never really dug past your gf's surface and got to know her.
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 I get that sense too. It's like he feels he should stay with her because so many guys would die to be in his place. He values her based on how much other guys do. I also find it a bit weird that she would be so quiet around him if they've been together for that long. It's as if they never broke the ice and connected on a deep level. You guys may be on to something in regards to my feelings. There are times things are completely normal and we are fine and its not as if the ice hasnt been broken..........but there are many other times she just clams up and doesnt say much, if anything....this bothers me the most...
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 But it sounds like you respond to personalities on a superficial level. That kind of bubbly, outgoing personality can easily wear thin if there isn't much substance to back it up. It sounds like you never really dug past your gf's surface and got to know her. That may be true....I have sat with her during her times of clamming up, and asked her why this, why that? Trying to understand her. She is very tight lipped during times like this...She is awful at communicating her feelings and it really wears on me because i WANT to know her.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 We go to the beach, I dont mind going shopping with her, cook together, etc...we do, do things together. When I say lack of things in common, I think I am mainly refering to our personalities. And I've thought about that myself before...I find that is prettty much why I am attracted to girls, a girl could be a perfect 10 with a subpar personality and I would be attracted to her. Not enough to strictly do domestic duties together or the odd thing, beyond going to the bar. The two of you should have more in common than that, to make a successful long-term relationship work. I get that sense too. It's like he feels he should stay with her because so many guys would die to be in his place. He values her based on how much other guys do. I also find it a bit weird that she would be so quiet around him if they've been together for that long. It's as if they never broke the ice and connected on a deep level. I think this is it, shadowplay.
shadowplay Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 It sounds like she's not completely comfortable around you for some reason. Perhaps she senses your ambivalence and it becomes a vicious cycle. Does she have any really close friends who she can let her guard down around?
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 I appreciate the continued advice, its helping me sort some things out in my mind... Do you get the feeling that there is any hope for this relationship?
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 It sounds like she's not completely comfortable around you for some reason. Perhaps she senses your ambivalence and it becomes a vicious cycle. Does she have any really close friends who she can let her guard down around? We recently relocated, so not too many CLOSE friends right now.......Both just graduated college recently and took jobs elsewhere. However, even back home she had a number of close friends and the same problems existed..
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 It sounds like she's not completely comfortable around you for some reason. Perhaps she senses your ambivalence and it becomes a vicious cycle. Does she have any really close friends who she can let her guard down around? Ive asked her point blank....she just tells me shes a quiet person.... which frusterates me more bc I feel like things can never change.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Not saying you do this but do you ever use her words against her, when you argue?
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Not saying you do this but do you ever use her words against her, when you argue? In what way do you mean? Not sure I understand
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 In what way do you mean? Not sure I understand For example, she tells you something that leaves her feeling vulnerable. Do you bring up things like this during an argument?
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 When we argue, I will analyze what she says, and will bring it up again, if only to better understand what she is saying. I dont take things that she says and throw them in her face....If im understanding correctly...for argument sake..her: I feel fat. Me later: you are so fat...
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 How about: Her: I feel fat. You: If you're feeling fat, why not exercise more?
Author bigworm23 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 gotcha... umm, yes I can do that from time to time..not always during an argument. I do get annoyed by people who whine and complain about something yet do nothing to fix it.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 She maybe the overly-sensitive type that requires an environment of complete safety, previous to opening up fully. I'm not very good with personality types like that.
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