garden Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Hello all: I'm new here. I was married to a very wonderful man for 11 years. He was my best friend, my lover and my family. I loved him with all of my heart & soul. I thanked God for him every day. We made love, had fun together and said we loved eachother every day. Than I returned from a business trip one day and he admitted to having a long-term affair (over 1 year). The pain was unimaginable. We have been seperated for over 2 years. We tried marriage counseling but I found out he began contact with her again during this. It's been a very long, very painful road. Yes, I was and am still in counseling. We're in the process of getting divorced now. The act of officially letting go for good was a frightening and very painful decision. Not that I saw us getting back together. I guess I hoped deep in my subconscience. I am a Christian and must believe all things will work out for the better. The divorce talks are bitter and angry. Ironically, he blames me for the demise of the marriage and for having the gall to request alimony though he makes almost 3 X more than me. I just want a decent chance at surviving. I will have to give up my home. The only home I've ever had and love. My only place of solace... I use to watch those divorce battles and think how can people who loved eachother turn into that. And here we are. I don't even know this man I loved so deeply anymore. 2 1/2 years and the pain continues. I keep telling myself I must have faith and be strong. It hurts and I wonder when the hurt and love will ever go away.
ShiningLife Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 If he began to contact her again, I don't see any hope for your marriage. You don't want to live a life being suspicious all the time. Be strong to face the reality although it is extremely hurtful. But think of the long term for the rest of your life. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I'm sorry you're in so much pain...I honestly don't understand wtf is wrong with your soon to be ex husband...It seemed you two had a wonderful thing going - SO I guess that means he's a good liar, a betrayer and wasn't the man you married, sadly somewhere along the way he changed, got selfish and chose to hurt you in the worst way. Please get counselling if you feel depressed and can't handle this on your own.
JustBreathe Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Garden, I think when you've been married a long time it takes awhile for your feelings to subside and even so, there still remain remnants of that love. Marriage vows are more binding than people realize, I guess. The hurt, for me, has faded but never gone away completely, I'm just able to push it back into the corners of my heart. Some days are better than others. Some days I am sad and hurt all over again. Maybe you're at a fork in the road and you're afraid to take that path. Afraid to trust yourself right now. I think that's my problem, anyway. You're at a fork in the road and everything seems so daunting, so huge and foreign. My husband is a dysfunctional idiot but I still missed him when we separated. Don't ask me why!
FearNoMore Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Hi Garden, I am in the situation. Few years ago, actually. I found out that my ex-hubby cheated on me and yes the pain was unimaginable even though my marriage was only for 5 years, it was a fulfilling, loving and happy marriage so it broke my heart to find out about his affair. We didn't go for counseling as I believed it was our problem to solve it together. We tried to make it work for over a year but I just can't. The images in my head, her voice and everything else play in my mind almost every day when we were together. It will be a long journey for you but you will pass it. I can't say I have all buried deep but I don't think of it as often as I used to. My prayers are with you to be strong and hopefully, we can talk and get through this together.
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