Grace112 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I didn't send him a card. I haven't called. I haven't sent him an e-mail. I feel like an awful person for not acknowledging his birthday. Is it truly better to just let it pass?
ahah2322 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 i do not know the history of your relationship but it is good to not acknowledge his birthday. it is good to take steps forward and move on. good luck babygirl. and write back for support.
serendip Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 If you feel a need to wish a happy b-day why not send a belated happy b-day several days later something like...."just got back into town...wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday"
Author Grace112 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 I made it a point to ask my friends to go out with me tonight. I know that if he doesn't want to hear from me, making the effort I know would only make him more mad at me. It's just going to be weird. The first time in 5 years and I'm not supposed to acknowledge this day for what it will always mean to me.
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 If you're in no contact, I would definitely recommend letting it pass. I'm in the same situation. My STBX-husband's birthday is this Saturday, and for the first time in 9 years, I'm not going to acknowledge it - and it was the day we met. By not acknowledging it, you send a loud message that you're moving on. I don't know your history or story, but if you are trying to move on, then it means letting go (at least for now) of the special occasions, IMO.
too old for this Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I let my exes go past too. I had the same exact feeling though, that I was being a bad person. Then I remembered how she treated me and how all I got was a perfunctory birthday call on mine, so I didn't feel so bad anymore. Now I'm glad I never acknowledged it.
Author Grace112 Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 Well - I successfully let the day pass without attempting to contact him. Part of me wonders - if I did, would that have let him know I care and open a door for us again? One of the things he said to me was "You've lost your fascination with me." Sending him a card would've let him know that simply wasn't the case. <sigh> I miss him so much.
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 It's easy to think and fantasize about that, but the reality is that it simply isn't true. A card isn't going to just completely change someone else's mind or course. I did the same thing. I kept thinking my ex would come out of his "fog" with his OW and after three weeks, I got in touch to find out that nope, still wants to be with her. All it did was hurt me and delay my healing. You did the right thing. Instead of wondering if you did, CONGRATULATE yourself on your accomplishment! When you're grieving, you need to make up any excuse to celebrate these milestones. Give yourself a pat on the back for putting yourself first, for thinking about your own mental health and for being so strong. You've earned it! Remember - we can always care about our exes, but we can't care for them any longer.
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