Jessie19A Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Hey everyone, I am in some serious need of advice. I am open for any idea's or well pretty much anything. A few months ago, my husband and I got married.=) The thing is before we got married, I broke my phone. SO we just decided that i would start using my husbands phone while mine got fixed. Well that was all fine and everything untill I found pictures of his ex all through his phone. We got into a huge fight. yadayadayada and he promised me that he would delete everything because he didnt even know that all of her pictures were on there. Now a few months later, he also sorda broke his phone. It just comes up busy and won't let ya do anything for a minute if you turn the camera on. (keep in mind he is very aware of me having his phone) Well today during my morning college class my one friend said that she knew how to fix it cause the same thing happened to hers. She was going through the settings and stuff and a movie of my husband fingering some girl came up. Now the way im thinking is he PROMISED that he SEARCHED through every part of his phone and he deleted EVERYTHING. so now i just stand back and let him give me the same lame excuse that he didn't know or what?
JamesM Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Hey everyone, I am in some serious need of advice. I am open for any idea's or well pretty much anything. A few months ago, my husband and I got married.=) You will get plenty of advice...some serious, some not. Congratulations on the marriage...I think. You say a few months...but in October you had premarital jitters...what is the exact date of your wedding? Is this the same boyfriend who you caught using porn and masturbating while you slept? How did that all turn out? Does he still use porn? Does he still have all of those porn pics on his computer? The thing is before we got married, I broke my phone. SO we just decided that i would start using my husbands phone while mine got fixed. Well that was all fine and everything untill I found pictures of his ex all through his phone. We got into a huge fight. If he had these pictures on his phone prior to marriage, then why the big fuss? I am not sure how long you had dated...it appears to be about six months or so before the wedding, but his story that he had forgotten them is reasonable and believable. I used to carry picture of "old girlfriends" (mostly just friends) prior to marriage. It never bothered my wife/girlfriend...although HER mother was not as thrilled. This was before cell phones. he promised me that he would delete everything because he didnt even know that all of her pictures were on there. Did he delete them? If so, he did as he said he would. If not, then why not? She was going through the settings and stuff and a movie of my husband fingering some girl came up. Was the movie from before your marriage? If so, he could have forgotten it was there. Now the way im thinking is he PROMISED that he SEARCHED through every part of his phone and he deleted EVERYTHING. Did he say he was going to delete anything else besides the pictures? If not, then this will be his story. And his promise may be that he would delete all PICTURES. Just trying to get to the bottom. so now i just stand back and let him give me the same lame excuse that he didn't know or what? No, you have an honest conversation with him that doesn't turn into accusations and fights. And if he says that he didn't know about the movie and it was prior to marriage, then delete it and let it go. I would also suggest that with you there, he shows you that everything that may be offensive to you has been deleted. The only way that the two of you will build a marriage of trust and openness is to quite lying to each other. While he seems (your interpretation) to be hiding things from you, I think you are also assuming the worst of him. Why? Has he given you reasons in the past to think that he is not trustworthy? Or is it early marital jitters? If he has not shown to be untrustworthy, then I would consider learning to trust him for what he says. And if these pictures are before you entered into his world, then really, let it go. I think you should be concerned if these pics/video is while you and he have been together. My two cents.
Owl Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 How about a post marriage gift to each other of brand new phones...with the understanding that EITHER of you can look at the other's phone at any moment, without any hedging from the owner of the phone? Make it a clean slate...with the VERY VERY clear understanding that this is his ONE break at doing it right from now on. And...make it clear that you're NOT willing to accept anymore secrecy or lies in your relationship with him. PERIOD
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