Dumped again - need

[London Girl]

I met this guy on a dating site and we have been dating for five weeks. He was doing all the chasing and giving me lots of attention etc. I was not sure about him at the beginning as I was wary that he had only been single for 4.5 months and I told him this but he reassured me that he is over his ex and he is ready to move on.

 

Anyways he called me last night to say that he is sorry but he is just not ready for a relationship with anyone and he just want space to be single - not to sleep around but to be on his own and it has nothing to do with me as he thinks I am a great girl blah blah. He said it's got nothing to do with his ex as he has no feelings for her.

 

I'm just so confused by him as he did all the initating of meeting up, sending emails, loving text etc, suggested we could go on holiday etc. and I did not pressure him. We had met up 2 days ago and he was all lovey dovey with me.

 

I told him that I think he has been unfair since he advertised on his profile that he is looking for a serious relationship and that I did enjoy being with him and I guess that's it we probably won't hear from each other again. He said he would still like to email me.

 

I honestly do believe he is being genuine about his feelings and that he is not ready for a relationship but my question is do you think he might come back to me once he has had some "alone" time?

[omit]

My experiance is limited, but would say give him some time. Im a guy and i reckon it wouldnt take me too long to see what im missing.

 

Keep your options open and ill bet he comes back if not then on wards and up wards

[London Girl]

Thanks Omit.

 

I really do like this guy and am completed at a loss and devasted. I totally was not expecting him to end it as he seem so into me. I know he had a messy breakup when things ended with his ex but surely he can see that he's got a good thing with me and we can take things slowly.

 

I cannot understand how besotted he was with me even telling his friends and his boss about me knowing that he was not sure whether he wanted a relationship with me.

 

Do you think he said he still wants to email me is a way of making himself feel less guilty or does he genuinely wants to keep in touch? It's my birthday tomorrow and he had planned to take me for dinner and I really hope he would at least email me.

 

Any more thoughts anyone? Does giving him the space make him change his mind even though he's telling me he is not ready for a relationship?

[sedgwick]

Argh, MEN and their "I need space to be single" bs! I don't mean to be sexist, but seriously, what the hell is up with this? They act all loving one day and the next they just need to be single. Seven hours before my ex broke up with me we were making love and he kept saying, "I love you." We fell asleep curled together, and I said, "I'm so scared to write my book, but I know I can do it with you by my side." He pulled me closer to him and snuggled his face into my neck. SEVEN HOURS LATER, when we woke up, we went out to breakfast, and over breakfast he broke up with me. I sat and cried into my food while he finished every last bite of his, and then he let me pay half the bill.

 

At this point I'm so shellshocked by the behavior of the male half of the universe that I really don't want anything to do with them ever again. I can't deal with the instantaneous need for space. I've been through it so many times, and I just can't bear to go through it again.

[kitkat289]

well i feel he loves 2 b wid u n wanna go further but he's jus being cautious abt things n he seems like a sincere guy (reminds me of my ex...who was so open abt his feelings).There's smthn dat's disturbin his peace of mind...it cud b possible dat he wanna go slow or he wanna 'totally' get over wid his ex cos 4.5months is not a big time.

 

In short u knw wt...u jus have 2 sweep him off his feet.Love urself more than u love any1 else n he'll love u more seein how i ndependent u r n realising dat ur happiness doesnt depend on anybody in d world.

Never ever discuss ur fears wid him n never ask if he'd come back or wt's actually holding him back.Jus DONT NAG HIM wen he needs some time alone.

C u shudnt think negatively seein his relationship status on some website...dis is really immature,silly.Wen u give him time,maintain a distance he'll definitely come back 2 u n only wid time d relationship bond gets stronger.

[London Girl]

it seems like most people are saying that by giving him space and not contacting him he will come back to me.

 

I just don't know what to think. He told me that he was just not ready for a relationship and that I will find my Mr Right so I'm confused. He said he still fancies me and mean't everything he said to me, all the loving stuff but he seemed to make it final although he added that he does still want to email me. I know it's only been 5 weeks but he was texting me every day and when he is with me he is very affectionate. Always want to hold my hand in public etc.

 

I really hope by going NC with him and giving his space that he will miss me. It's just feel odd that we've got on, exchanging loving text messages non-stop for 5 weeks and not it's all over because he says he is not ready for a relationship. I do believe he is telling me the truth, he swore on his dad's life that he is being honest with me and that he is not seeing any other girls.

[London Girl]

Today is my birthday and he sends me an email saying[FONT=Tahoma][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]"Hello[/FONT][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Just wanted to say Happy Birthday and I hope you’re having a nice day today[/FONT][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]A"[/FONT][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]I replied 4 hours later with[/FONT][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Tahoma][sIZE=2][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2]Hello you![/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2]Thanks for the birthday wishes. Yeah, no signs of wrinkles this morning! [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2]Hope you are well.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2]Take care"[/sIZE][/FONT]

 

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]Do you think he sent the email out of politeness or is there a chance if I just back off and don't chase him he will come back? I really do like this guy. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]One of my friends told me that her friend just got her ex back and it was abit similar to my situation. He dumps her saying he feels suffocated so she backs off completely. He contacts her some time later to tell her he misses her and to give it another go!![/FONT]

[/FONT][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[London Girl]

Today is my birthday and he sends me an email saying

 

"Hello

 

Just wanted to say Happy Birthday and I hope you’re having a nice day today"

 

I replied 4 hours later with

 

"Hello you

 

Thanks for the birthday wishes. Yeah, no signs of wrinkles this morning!

 

Hope you are well.

 

Take care"

 

Do you think he sent the email out of politeness or is there a chance if I just back off and don't chase him he will come back? I really do like this guy.

 

One of my friends told me that her friend just got her ex back and it was abit similar to my situation. He dumps her saying he feels suffocated so she backs off completely. He contacts her some time later to tell her he misses her and to give it another go!

[London Girl]

any more responses please? I had a missed call on my mobile which was withheld 15 mins later he emailed me. I was wondering whether the missed call was from him.

 

All this is so confusing for me. Do you reckon he only emailed me to wish me a happy birthday because he is a sincere guy or to keep the doors open incase he changes his mind? Any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Hey there

 

I did I think put a response on your other post about same topic. I would go out and get another date with someone else. No point hanging around while he plays games.

 

As for the missed call, why no voicemail left??

 

and if its that important they'll ring back

[SamanthaX]

In my experience, when a guy acts like this (after such a short period of time) it is because he is just not feeling you that way. I don't mean to be harsh, but I want to help you not waste your time. Holding a torch for someone who is not pursuing you just drains you and keeps you in a holding pattern. Free yourself up for someone who deserves you and is sure he wants to be with you. You'll be much happier than playing the guessing game. Good luck!

[daisydufas22]

IMO he's playing games. You deserve better!

[too old for this]

Sounds like he's playing games or he's trying to get over someone by hooking up with someone else too soon. I hope that's not the case but I think actions speak louder than words. Don't let him toy with your emotions....maybe it's best to just cut him off. If he really likes you he'll find a way to contact you or see you.

[London Girl]

but do you know think he is genuinely just need time on his own? He's an only child and I think he likes his freedom and space. He is definitely not the player type and I do believe he is telling me the truth. I trust him when he tells me he is over his ex. He said he was over her when they were together and when she dumped him he was relieved. He did not dump her because he said he did not want to feel guilty for having to kick her out as she had no where to go. I think the breakup was messy which I feel now he wants his place back to himself.

 

I am a cynical person but I do believe he does like me. He did all the chasing with him and was so loving but I think it must have overwhelmed him when as he terms it "heading towards a steady relationship". I'm hoping by giving him space he will come round but then again I'm a hopeless romantic! But I have heard circumstances like this can get people back together as it's not because he dumped me because he did not fancy me or did not find us compatible. Sometimes it's just about timing.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Yes, the timing is or sounds like he is not over his ex or possibly he is not ready to settle back down because he likes his freedom.

 

He is keeping you on a string by saying can we keep in touch by email. Basically keeping you around incase he feels he might want to get back with you, for a bit, for a night, for a while.

 

If he liked you that much hun, would he have dumped you right before your birthday, or does that scream selfish too you?

 

I know what you mean about all the chasing etc but it might have been lust at first sight and once dating only then did he realise he didn't want to commit to anything or was not over his last g/f.

 

Think if that was a friend of yours asking what you are asking, what would you say to her, what would your advice be to her? Sometimes it helps to think about the situation from a third party point of view to get a good answer.

 

Sorry I know it sucks, I am romantic London gal like you, but try the above imagine your removed from the situation and see what answers you come up with.

x

[London Girl]

thanks for the reponses everyone esp. bigheartkindsoul! I really do feel that it is a case that he is not ready for a relationship. I did abit of reading on this on the internet, I think he is completely over his ex but because of the messy breakup that it was he's probably too scared to enter another relationship becuase he does not want the hurt and drama that came with his previous failed relationship. I think he's a plonker to think that all relationships are the same. Everyone relationship is different and I think if he has something good he should see how it goes instead of what I feel ending it based on past failures!

 

I've still got two of his favourite DVDs - I'm not sure whether to contact him to return it or just keep hold of it? I just can't get over that empty feeling I feel now after five weeks of loving messages all of which was instigated by me. I feel sad.

[London Girl]

I mean't instigated by "him"!

[bigheartkindsoul]

thanks for the reponses everyone esp. bigheartkindsoul! I really do feel that it is a case that he is not ready for a relationship. I did abit of reading on this on the internet, I think he is completely over his ex but because of the messy breakup that it was he's probably too scared to enter another relationship becuase he does not want the hurt and drama that came with his previous failed relationship. I think he's a plonker to think that all relationships are the same. Everyone relationship is different and I think if he has something good he should see how it goes instead of what I feel ending it based on past failures!

 

I've still got two of his favourite DVDs - I'm not sure whether to contact him to return it or just keep hold of it? I just can't get over that empty feeling I feel now after five weeks of loving messages all of which was instigated by me. I feel sad.

 

Find something else to fill those empty moments, I know its hard, I was totally in love and then dumped so I missed the emails and text etc so I email lots of friends or send out a few texts and got my "fix" that way.

 

Also get out and about, get down the gym or get out on some other dates that'll soon take your mind off him and fill up the empty moments cause you'll be waiting to hear from your dates.

 

Don't contact him, seriously, let him if he is going to come to you. If the just emailing carries on for a fair while just tell him to knock it on the head.

[London Girl]

Thx BHKS! I read some of your posts and totally agree how hard is it to just find someone?!! I've come to the conclusion that it must be harder in your 30s and not only that people in their 30s have more baggage whether it's failed marriages (reason why my ex, ex dumped me) or bad relationships (reason my recent ex dumped me).

 

To be honest I'm fed up of all this dating lark and getting to know someone new. Why can it not be simpler? My recent ex I even told him I'm not going to be a rebound girl and was completely wary so I did not chase him or pressure him at all but he still walked! Jeez I'm fed up with all this drama.

 

I even contacted my ex, ex the other day just so I can get closure from that failed relationship. We had not been in contact for 8 months but during that 8 months I met my recent ex and knew that there is other men I am attracted to and have feelings for. But I'm glad I contacted the ex ex as I feel I can move on from that relationship. I just need to get over the recent one but I just can't help that he will come back to me.

[franny_s]

Were we dating the same guy London Girl (we weren't, I'm from Australia)

 

See my thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1430069&posted=1#post1430069

 

I know exactly what you are going through and how you are feeling. The ex needs space, still want to keep in touch... blah blah...

 

I am in the same dilemna about whether to send his things back or not

 

We should speak

[bigheartkindsoul]

Thx BHKS! I read some of your posts and totally agree how hard is it to just find someone?!! I've come to the conclusion that it must be harder in your 30s and not only that people in their 30s have more baggage whether it's failed marriages (reason why my ex, ex dumped me) or bad relationships (reason my recent ex dumped me).

 

To be honest I'm fed up of all this dating lark and getting to know someone new. Why can it not be simpler? My recent ex I even told him I'm not going to be a rebound girl and was completely wary so I did not chase him or pressure him at all but he still walked! Jeez I'm fed up with all this drama.

 

I even contacted my ex, ex the other day just so I can get closure from that failed relationship. We had not been in contact for 8 months but during that 8 months I met my recent ex and knew that there is other men I am attracted to and have feelings for. But I'm glad I contacted the ex ex as I feel I can move on from that relationship. I just need to get over the recent one but I just can't help that he will come back to me.

 

Hey LG

 

I just related to what you said about the coming on strong by him.

 

My ex did, was all talk about love within 3weeks, marriage within about 4wks told me I was beautiful, had completed his life down here because he was thinking about moving back up north (where he was from and family/friends are still), how besotted he was.

 

And then the bombshell of the lies and then I got dumped because, well I think now he was still not over his ex as he still hated her he said, so still had feelings even if negative. I was naive not too see it then but should have.

 

I just think he probably has done you a favour and the best thing you can do is go out and continue having some fun.

 

Hey if you even wanna meet for a beer one night then give me a shout and we can share horror stories and have a laugh about it.

 

But don't worry, there will be someone, perhaps in time even him who will want to be with you in every way you would like and desire but it is not worth sitting in and not enjoying yourself.

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

[franny_s]

you should charge for your advice bigheartkindsoul you've given me a wake up call. THANKS!

[sb129]

Sounds like he's playing games or he's trying to get over someone by hooking up with someone else too soon. I hope that's not the case but I think actions speak louder than words. Don't let him toy with your emotions....maybe it's best to just cut him off. If he really likes you he'll find a way to contact you or see you.

 

I agree with this.

Unfortunately, all the chasing he did could have been helping to distract him from his ex, and when he stopped to think about it, he realised that he was moving too fast.

 

Not that that will make you feel any better, and it was irresponsible and thoughtless of him to do that to you, although i am sure it wasn't his intention to hurt you.

 

None of us can say whether or not he will come back to you.

 

but time and space are best for you both to clear your heads and either move on, or reassess things for the future.

 

Good luck and happy belated birthday, hope it was OK./

[London Girl]

so this morning I signed back on the same dating site that I met my ex on. If anything I probably need an ego boost and part of me wants my ex to find out I am back on the site and hopefully get jealous and reconsider his decision. He is still on the site as he had signed up for 3 months. He actually logged on his profile this morning which really upset me. Do you think this is a good idea going back on the site? I don't want my ex to think that I can move on so quickly bearing in mind he dumped me 5 days ago?

 

I'm also seeing a clairvoyant later on, she had predicted that I will be in a relationship around last month even though I was like yeah whatever being a cynical person that I am but I need to see this woman again incase she is able to predict things with my ex. I guess I'm just so hurt right now.

 

I'm hoping you feel better BHKS - it is so helpful to get responses from other people. Yeh why not up for a beer. If you need advice/talk just email me your personal email address.

 

Oh this sucks. I cannot believe this time last week I was getting ready to go round his and to see him greet me at the station and he gives me a long kiss and say hi babes. I really miss this guy.

[London Girl]

so found out last night my ex who dumped me after five weeks of dating because "he was not ready for a relationship with anyone" is logging on his dating site regularly this week!!! I'm so mad! I'm angry that he chased after me despite me telling him that I am not going to be a rebound girl, mad that he showered me with lots of affection pursued me, mad at myself for letting my guard down and trusting him and get emotionally attached.

 

Why is he still checking up on girls on a dating site if he is not ready for a relationship?!! Some people can be so cruel!

 

I went to see a clairvoyant over the weekend and she predicted that he will contact me again as there was apparently the "making up card" in the reading. Just don't know what to think anymore.

 

Also do you think I should put my profile back on the same dating site?