reelwoman Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Hi all-- my ex of one year dumped me last March; now he's dating someone else and has been since June. I am too, and there is a weekly event that I work at that my ex comes to every week ( that's how we met). The event doesn't happen over the summer, so we didnt' see each other for 4 months. It started up again in September and he comes every week, without his girlfriend, and we go out for drinks afterwards with a group of mutual friends. He's been flirting like crazy with me ( I flirt back ) and kind of gloms on to me in the group, so we always end up sitting together. He'd told a mutual friend that he didn't bring his GF because he doesn't want her to come and likes going by himself. Then he started reading books I mentioned I was reading and going to other events he knew I'd be going to. Then 2 weeks ago it was just the 2 of us going out after the event and he told me all about his new GF; she is really pushing for marriage and kids and he doesn't want that ( he is older, in his 60s; she's in her 30s, I"m in my 40s) and he also said that he gets along with her really well and has fun with her, that it's more than a fling and he does love her but doens't want to commit. So I told him I'm madly in love and fabulously happy with my BF and he said he was SO happy for me. But then he started touching me, holding my hand, and almost kissed me. I said "don't even THINK about it!" and then he drove me home, where we sat for TWO HOURS in my driveway holding each other and talking. I wouldnt let him kiss me and I continued to say I was committed to my BF, but he said that he still loves me, still feels a connection with me, thinks I'm "beautiful" and "hot", and then he told me that his GF is the one who doesn't want to come to the weekly event because she is too intimidated by me because he's really built me up to her. The thing is, this is strange because people who have met her say she is very aggressive and pushy and wouldnt be intimidated. So, now this week it looks like he IS going to bring her---he emailed me to warn me. How should I act, and does it sound like I have any chance of getting him back? I am very torn because to be honest, things are NOT so hot with my BF and I am very confused. My ex didn't say he wants me back or anything like that, and he said he's "glad we can be so close", whatever that means. I dont' know what it means that he is now suddenly bringing her with him, if that is a sign that he IS more serious or committed to her?
Racquel Colette Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Is this guy rich? How does a 60ish guy get a chick in her 30's? Because I'm 39 and no way in he double hockey sticks would I date a geezer like that, sorry.
Author reelwoman Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Is this guy rich? How does a 60ish guy get a chick in her 30's? Because I'm 39 and no way in he double hockey sticks would I date a geezer like that, sorry. I know, weird, right? But he is very sexy, very sweet, in amazing shape, what can i say? SO not a geezer.....
Jilly Bean Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Well, I don't think he wants you back, but I think he'd like to keep you as a side dish is all. Kind of like Raquel, I'm 42, and there is no way I could get excited for a guy in his 60s. I don't care how in shape he is - there is no way that ass or man nuts are still looking good. Oh, and let's talk about the white chest hair? Ok, back on topic - I don't think he wants a relationship with you, but clearly wouldn't mind a little nookie. And I don't believe for a second what he says about his relationship with her. I think he's trying to play you on that one, hon...
LivA79 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Is there no hope!??! Sixty-year-old men still playing mind games???? Why would you want him back? He's "close to you" in the car when he has a girlfriend. Who else is he "close" with? NNNNEXXT!
Author reelwoman Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Is there no hope!??! Sixty-year-old men still playing mind games???? Why would you want him back? He's "close to you" in the car when he has a girlfriend. Who else is he "close" with? NNNNEXXT! sigh. I know, I know. I don't even know that I DO want him back; some of that is just that stupid if-he-wants-me-back-it -will-undo-his-rejection-of-me stuff, but I do feel a pretty intense attraction and connection to him. I don't actually think he is "close" with anyone else, and I never thought of him as a cheater or a game-player and our mutual friends don't think so either. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the meeting with the new GF? All I can think is to be as gracious and friendly as I can stand to be (and, of course, to wear something fabulous)...
Timberlane Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Is this guy a college professor? Just curious. Really, I see no reason to invest anything more into this relationship and I would try to avoid spending a lot of time around him. It's your choice, of course.
Leia Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 He's in his 60s and has a girlfriend... lose the old man!
Author reelwoman Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Is this guy a college professor? Just curious. Really, I see no reason to invest anything more into this relationship and I would try to avoid spending a lot of time around him. It's your choice, of course. no, he's not a professor. He is very youthful, though. I really appreciate everyone's comments, but honestly the age thing is not a problem for me...I just can't seem to get over him, and I feel an ( abmittedly ridiculous) obsession with getting him back, even if it is partly just for the validation. All the things you guys are saying make it feel even more humiliating that He dumped ME, you know? I was bending over backward to overlook his flaws and to accommodate him, and he couldnt get past the inconvenience of my life----actually, I'm a professor and therefore have very little free time---always writing, doing research, grading papers---and I have dog, which the ex felt limited my freedom too much. He's a pretty selfish guy on the whole, but I still have all these feelings for him...
LivA79 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the meeting with the new GF? All I can think is to be as gracious and friendly as I can stand to be (and, of course, to wear something fabulous)... MOST DEFINITELY!! Be really nice, respectful, and sophisticated.
nicki Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Good for you that you didn't kiss him. You showed respect for your boyfriend and for your ex's girlfriend. That said, I think YOU want your ex back. You wouldn't be posting about how to react to meeting his girlfriend otherwise. If you want him back, then consider breaking up with your boyfriend. Maybe he isn't the one for you, or you aren't really happy with your relationship. It's not fair to string him along while you test the waters with your ex. Once you evaluate your current relationship and decide to leave or to stay, then you can ask the ex to break up with his girlfriend, too, if he wants to pursue a relationship with you. BUT, really, I have doubts. First of all, your ex is flirting with you big time. He is definitely interested in being with you (or screwing you on the side?) What kind of boyfriend is that? He dumped you. He is with someone else and he is going after you. This is how you meet the new girlfriend: Be very nice to her. Tell her that her boyfriend should bring her more often. Compliment her on her outfit/hair/beauty/sense of humor, etc. Make her see that you aren't a threat at all to her. Then don't be a threat to her. Don't compete with her. Don't lower yourself to letting your ex create some kind of drama between two women who are "fighting" over him. I can't believe he "warned" you that she was coming. Why would he do that? To create drama? That should have been a red flag to you. You could have replied "Oh, that's great. Why would I care?" And you shouldn't. Run away from this guy. I bet you can outrun him! (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Good luck with whatever you do.
Jilly Bean Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Well, I think you need to consider his integrity level, hon. Remember, the way they come to you, is the way they will go out on you. The fact that he is cozying up to you while in a relationship with someone else is wrong. And don't think for a second that he wasn't doing that to someone else while he was with you. He just sounds like a creep. You don't anyone else to validate you, so I would drop him like a bad habit.
oppath Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Well, I think you need to consider his integrity level, hon. Remember, the way they come to you, is the way they will go out on you. The fact that he is cozying up to you while in a relationship with someone else is wrong. And don't think for a second that he wasn't doing that to someone else while he was with you. He just sounds like a creep. You don't anyone else to validate you, so I would drop him like a bad habit. Actually you need to consider your own integrity. For everything he is doing that is inappropriate considering he has a gf, you are just a step behind considering you have a bf. For any relationship you have to progress, you need to make room in your heart/head for it to happen, and quite honestly, isolating yourself with this man at all means that you do not have that room. I'd say stop talking to him other than being civil in public and focus on your current relationship. Otherwise, end your current relationship, and be honest about the reasons why, so 6 months from now, he is not trying to get you back too.
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