kymberann Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I have been dating this guy for about 8 months. It has basically been a FWB as he is TERRIFIED of a committed relationship. I pushed for one about a month ago. Since he wasn't interested I explained then that if someone comes along and wants to ask me out then I will go since we are "just friends" as he calls it. He just explained to me to let him know and be upfront with him. (I also told him that if we are just friends, no more sex). Well that happened, I was asked out by someone and before I went with this other guy I told the guy I have been seeing. He called me after the date and said "well thanks for letting me know" and rushed off the phone. I knew he was upset. On Sunday I called him later in the afternoon since he had not called me. He sounded awful. He said he had concerns and did not want to talk with me just yet. I just told him to tell me his concerns. He got a bit mad and told me I was pressuring him. He told me he was hurt that I went out with someone else. Told me he can't offer what I want. And basically all I want with this guy is to know we have some commitment that entails we are exclusive. I don't want to run off and get married, but it would be nice to know we were "a couple". I had not asked for spending more time or really doing anything differently except for the "exclusiveness". I have backed off on this issue with him about a month ago. So he said he just wanted to be friends if I still wanted. Which according to him we always have been anyways and never went any farther. As a side note we had talked about eventually living together, finances, who would do what chores and so forth. We have been intimate and I have not been with any body else except him. He basically ended any relationship we have. I said he was punishing me for doing what he had asked me to do in the first place! So why is he so hurt if we are according to him "just friends"? And ending everything? I have not heard from him since yesterday. Any chances he will contact me? I hope so because I know exactly what I want to say to him! Thanks!
Pyro Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 IMO he is hurt for one of two reasons: 1. He really did like you but he couldn't overcome his fears of being in a committed relationship 2. He lost his no strings attached sex partner Let him contact you if or when he is ready to be just friends with you but from what it sounds like, he may not be willing or able to do that.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 In the illustrious words of Frank Herbert: Fear is the mindkiller. Apparently for LS: Fear is the relationship killer. His dog in the manger routine isn't unusual for people. You're better off without him unless he conquers his fear and comes to you, wanting what you want.
whichwayisup Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Man, if he wants a chance at love, let alone with you and having a relationship with you, he needs to go talk to a professional counsellor and sort out his fears of committment. He obviously has some sort of emotional baggage and fears that are preventing him from opening up and having something real. Suggest counselling and then back off. Tell him you're interested but aren't going to sit and wait for him...Put a time limit on it and just go about your life, hopefully he'll wake up and realize he's letting go of a good thing.
Author kymberann Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 THanks guys! He is letting go of a good thing! And he knows it, he just won't act on it, and that's the frustrating part! His baggage is his ex wife. He is extremely afraid that I will act like his ex wife. He still pays her bills and takes care of her kids financially. He has three, two of which are not his biologically. And they are teenagers basically out the door. He has told me that his ex used to tell him "no one will ever love you" and I told him once that he is letting her win. I made an honest effort of not getting in the way of the kid thing as I have my own and know how that goes! He has really truly been my best friend since March and I hate to lose that bit, but it is impossible to go to "just friend" status when we have done what we have. He admits he has gone too slow. Que cera!
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