Sureshot Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I had a conversation with my gf, and was wondering what I should make of it... we were hanging out together and she brought up that she likes me very much, but doesnt know "how these things work" (she doesnt have any relationship experience). The point she was getting at is that, she is happy to be in a relationship right now, but wanted to know what happens when another guy comes around that she is interested in going on a date with while being my gf. She is confused if she has to dump me, or do it behind my back and sorta be cheating:( I was shocked when I heard this, the way she presented it made me feel that there was another guy she was interested in, but she assured me that there wasnt, she is just worrying and going through all the "what if's". I didnt blow up and I kept my cool, and tried giving her a non-biased answer, explaining that it is normal to have interests in new people, and ok to maybe want to get to know someone a little bit more, because who knows, a possible friendship.... but that if we are exclusive, I am not sure how I would feel about her "trying" new guys on dates all the time. What i really wanted to say is im not ok with just hanging around until you find something better" and the grass isnt always greener on the other side, but I dont know if i am taking this the wrong way and over reacting, or under reacting, i handled the situation carefully, not letting feelings and emotions get in the way, especially anger or jealousy, I just tried having a conversation, but I have been thinking about it alot, I have been getting a bit sick over it.... After the conversation, we had a good time hanging out the rest of the night together, but like I said, i am re thinking it now and dont know how I should take this, and what I should have/ should do? If anybody could offer any insight to this, it would be greatly appreciated.
tanbark813 Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 No offense but either you're very young or you have no testicles. If you're not okay with your gf going on dates with other guys--and I don't see why she would think you might be--then just tell her that. Afterall, what's the point of being exclusive if you want to date other people? If she's not okay with that then find someone else who shares your views on relationships.
Jilly Bean Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Word to what TanBark said. She was floating the White House trial balloon with you, hon. Meaning, she was trying to see if she could keep you as a safety, while she goes out trolling for new dudes. A woman who is happy with one guy doesn't bring that up as a hypothetical. I would tell her that since she's interested in testing the waters, you are totally cool with that, but that you also will be seeing other women.
shadowplay Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Word to what TanBark said. She was floating the White House trial balloon with you, hon. Meaning, she was trying to see if she could keep you as a safety, while she goes out trolling for new dudes. A woman who is happy with one guy doesn't bring that up as a hypothetical. I would tell her that since she's interested in testing the waters, you are totally cool with that, but that you also will be seeing other women. True. I remember once I broached the idea of an "open relationship" when I was with a guy I wasn't that attracted to.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 What i really wanted to say is im not ok with just hanging around until you find something better" and the grass isnt always greener on the other side, but I dont know if i am taking this the wrong way and over reacting, or under reacting. Well Sureshot... you nailed exactly what you needed to say! Listen bieng nice to her does not mean letting her walk all over you!!! Thats where girls start to hate the "nice guy" thing. Stand up for yourself right away! It's never too late. Tell her exactly what you want from her! Honesty. For Heavens sakes... she may dump you to go out with another guy... thats fine. But she is asking your permission to cheat... and you basically gave it to her! Now go back and fix it! I dont think this girl is good for anything beyond FWB!
Sean0775 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Depending on how long you two have been dating you had every right to get angry over something like that. When you bring it up again you might ask her if you can see other people too and see how she takes it. If she's ok with it, I don't think you two were meant to be exclusive, but if she gets angry, call her on it.
EYECANDY000 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 This sgould definately be an eye opener. whether someone is new to dating or a have a lot of experience somethings go without saying. Basicly she is asking you if it is ok to date others and see what else is out there for her. It doesnt sound like she is ready to be in a committed relationship at all. She still wants to test the waters. I can understand y u didnt blow up and just have a logical explanation. But I would have expressed my views and told her it is totally unacceptable. Also ask her do she want to date other people and have an open relationship?
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 This wasn't a very respectful way to approach this, so if I were you, I would take her to task for it. One thing occurred to me, which she might be doing. Have the two of you already had the exclusivity discussion, or just been dating, with the assumption on your side, that you're now b/f and g/f? She might be looking for the exclusivity discussion to be initiated by you.
Author Sureshot Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Ok, thanks guys... seriously, good advice. This is something I am going to bring up tommorow night, she shouldnt be able to get away with saying that if they it was she really meant, if it is what she meant, Im cutting my losses. During the conversation, when I asked her to clarify, she was able to give better wording, which was that she see's potential for a serious relationship, but after barely 2 months, she wants to make sure it is going somewhere, and that there is nothing I have done wrong that has made her reconsider me Do you think that this is sincere, or just a string along She was having a hard time explaining it, I will give her the benefit of a doubt to clarify, maybe she just used the wrong words, but im not a pushover, and she's gotta PROVE it.
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