I Really Feel the Need to Tell Off my Ex

[ncpd25]

Too,

No, I don't want to hear from her and as long as I know she read it, I would have the satisfaction right there. She doesn't know that I'm aware of some of her lies, such as when her divorce was actually finalized. I found that out after the fact. I honestly believe, she thinks she got away with that one. Even with her co-workers/friends.

 

I'm begining to feel that I would be relieved just by sending it and her receiving it. I honestly believe she, has a strong desire for people to see her in a positive light. If I mentioned that certain people knows what she did, it would really bother her. As Norajane said, she lies to make a better image of herself and escape the truth. I would more or less, be letting her know that I "blew her cover". As petty as that may sound, I don't feel it's about her. It's about making myself feel better at this point. I have a feeling I would be content knowing that she realizes, I found her out and others know now as well.

 

I think that's the only apprehension I have at this point. The fact that I might be acting a bit petty. I'm not concened about what she thinks in that respect, I really don't care. I just know that I'd be doing it to belittle her. But, I guess that's my intention. Petty but, effective?? As I mentioned before, I'll write the email in such a way that I'm not going to just "dogging her out" but will it write so that I come across as being honest, which it will be, but I will be letting her know that her lies have caught up to her. That's why I'm taking my time with writing it and not just throwing stuff on on paper and sending it off in a hurry. I'll be somewhat civil but I'll make sure it hit home and I'll try and make sure, she feels lousy it about it. Of course, I'll have no way of knowing but, I'm sure I'll get my point across.

[too old for this]

I think if you have no intention of ever being with her again and it certainly sounds that way then you've got nothing to lose by saying your truth to her.

[brothermartin]

Hey guys. Im going through the same thing right now. I just made it through ThanksGiving ok, but Ive been feeling pretty angry at my ex for a couple of weeks now. She dumped me back in September, for a reason that I wont get into because it gose against the whole theory of "if you love someone, money shouldnt be an issue." Apperently, it was. We've been in contact with each other via email for about 3 weeks now. She seems to think she know's how I feel now, she's been very cautious and apologetic in her emails. But I still cant shake this feeling of anger and wanting her to see that she made a mistake casting me aside! If I could get rid of this feeling of inadequacy and abandonment, I'd probably be ok. So I ask the same question: How do I move past this s**t!?

[ncpd25]

Too,

I'm confident I'll never get back with her. How could I ever trust somebody that lied to me, the way she did. I can't even understand why she felt the need to lie to me about her divorce. I wouldn't have been upset. She was seperated. I was wound up about her claiming she was divorced for 4 years when in reality, she was still married when we were together. Call me crazy, but, I think honesty is the cornerstone of a good relationship. She took a wrecking ball to that. It's a done deal. As I said before, it's kind of weird that I want to degrade her but, in my opinion, she deserves it.

 

Brother,

You and I have similar circumstances however, you and your ex are speaking. I haven't talked to my ex in almost 10 weeks. I'm not sure of your intentions with your ex. You may want to give another it shot. I know that's impossible for me and my ex. She asked me for my trust and when I gave it to her, she proceeded to walk all over it. It's only because that I know were finished that I feel I need to email her to make myself feel better. I don't think I should sit and stew when I have no desire to get back with her. I was actually sitting here working on the email. I'll let it sit for a day or two when I'm finished with it and then I'll read it again and send it off to her. I'll tell you though, I know how you feel. I think it's better than feeling down in the dumps and helpless but, I'm not going to sit around and be angry about it. It's time for me, to make her own up to the truth. Once it's sent, I'll move on and not look back. I hope this is the final step for me.

[Surfer Girl]

The best thing you can do is let her know you have moved on.... Don't even go there with the anger stage... Don't acknowledge it... Let her know she made her choices and you have made yours.... It was nice knowing you... See Ya.... Goodbye...

[amaysngrace]

I also think that one of the things that's bothering you, the thing you can't 'shake' as you said, is the fact that she instilled self-doubt in you. What you prided yourself on, the discovering or uncovering that you do by profession, well all that has changed now. You've been deceived. And it's creating self-doubt. So now you need to second-guess yourself.

 

I'm betting that before her you'd never go on an advice forum to be advised on sending an email. Am I right? You just knew what was what. Like second-nature. That's changed now.

 

I think that's a good reason why she's under your skin right now. She brought you down. Like she took away a positive part of you with her too. And you probably want it back.

 

Maybe I'm wrong. It's just how I see it.

[ncpd25]

Surfer.

I mentioned in my email, that I have no interest in her, she means nothing to me and she could never be trusted. I'v tossed so many things around in my head. I was actually started to get annoyed with myself. As too said, I have nothing to lose by sending the email. I think my desire to let her know that her compulsive lying hasn't gone unnoticed. Don't ask me why i feel that way. I just think an attempt needs to be to knock her down a couple of pegs. The email definitley won't have anything about what I'm up to now. She has no right to know. I'm just going to mentioned what I learned about her. How messed up she is and she should try and staighten herself out for her own sake. I'm begining to wonder, if she even realizes what she does. Again, she hasn't only lied to me, it's almost everybody in her life. That's pretty sad. I begining to feel sorry for her messed up ways.

[brothermartin]

Hey NCPD. My ex and I aren't really talking, it's just random emails about nothing from time to time. I wish I could say for sure that I want her back, but she hurt me so much AFTER the break-up that now I don't think I can forgive her. And the reason I thought she left me may not be the real reason. I want to confront her with this, but I don't want to start up the fighting again. I'm stuck with no resolution.

[ncpd25]

Grace,

I partly agree with your post in this respect;

To be a cop, there has to be a fairly high level of confidence. You have to trust your instincts and your judgment and not be wrong as it could possibly cost you your life or that of someone else. Even as a fraud investigator, I have to rely on instinct and judgment as well, although the latter is not as dangerous, by a long shot.

 

However, eventhough I have to be as accurate as possible with my instincts and judgment, I'm only human. Was I disappointed with what happened....absolutely. I know she deceived me however, I wasn't on my "guard" while dating her. My instincts are part of my job and a part of me but, there are instances where I have to let my guard down. With any relationship I've been in, I wouldn't walk into it with my law enforcement instinct. Granted, it's part of me but, it's nice to "turn it off" once in a while. I feel we all have to allow ourselves to be vulnerabe to a certain extent.

 

I was on the other side of the spectrum where I wouldn't let anybody in and put up a wall around me. That was no way to live. I went to a therapist for some family issues I needed to work through. Of course we wandered into other areas of my life. My therapist was a Sergeant in Virginia (I was a Sergeant in N.Y.) so, we had common threads and got along well. She told me that I needed to learn to let that wall down. I had let myself be vulnerable and allow people to help when I needed help (I would never let anybody ever help me with anything). I learned from this and took her advice.

 

I've learned to open up and drop the wall down (not all the way, I'm from N.Y., that'll never happen). seriously though, I didn't date my ex right after I was given that advise, it was actually about 1 1/2 years later.

When I stepped into the relationship, I didn't want to be skeptical or act as if I was dealing with somebody "from work". I gave her the benefit of the doubt and placed trust in her. To be honest, I had no reason to doubt her. Did I end up getting burned....sure did. I look at it like this: I was sincere with her, she poured her heart out to me (lied to me), spoke of our future together (lied to me). But what she said to me, I felt she meant it at the time. As I said, I had no reason to doubt her.

 

I'm far from perfect, I'll be the first to admit that. I'm not always right (most of the time but, not always- just kidding). There are times when I second guess myself. I placed my trust in her and she deceived me. I later found out even more. Had I known when I was with her and I didn't do anything about it, I would have been pi$$ed at myself. She was right beside me until the end. I'm single, have no family and would love to meet somebody that wants to be with me through thick and thin. Somebody I can count and somebody I can be there for as well. My ex wasn't capable of doing that. It's time for me to move on and I think this email will help me achieve my goal. In reality, if she has issues she needs to deal with, I wish her the best however, I won't sit back and be lied to on a daily basis.

 

Yeah, I'm upset with the way she handled things. I think she could have done things differently. That chance is gone. I hope someday, I'll meet somebody that will be all that I wish for and me for her.

 

Brother,

 

It's a tough position to be in. As I said before, I went through these emotions for a couple of weeks (2-3) and I got to the point where I didn't want to do it anymore. It was "Fish or cut bait". I chose to fish. I hope you can find the strength to get past the feelings you're having. I tried and was unsuccessful. As you said, if I could past the feelings, I'd be fine.

I think you know what my position is about these circumstances. I can't allow something to eat away at me when there's no potential reconciliation there. I have nothing to lose. Yes, I want to let her know what she did. I'll do that, find some closure and move on. Try not to let the circumstances consume you. Life's too short and this ain't no dress rehearsal..

 

Best of luck my friend!!!

 

I'll keep an eye out for any of your posts. You too Grace!!

[bustertypsy]

Is she worth the pen and paper,the envelope and the stamp?????

In a word,NO!

Liars and cheats do not deserve to be thought of,not alone be sent letters.I have no doubt that you were hurt terribly by this "person".

Their treatment of you was pathetic and unacceptable.

Although you would love to tell her she is a bi**h don't go down that road.

You have come out of this with your dignity and self respect intact,why compromise it now,for what,for who,a liar and a cheat!?!?

 

Just close this chapter in your life and look ahead.With her gone ,the door is open to meet a real,genuine person who is looking for the same things you are.By all means write the letter,vent all your anger in this letter.Read it,tear it up,and then move on.

Better times lie ahead;)

[ncpd25]

Hi Buster,

 

I've thought along the lines you mention. I've attemppted to erase it frommy memory or at least, get over it enough so, I could move on. Over the course of a few weeks I hadn't been able to dismiss it. I agree when you say she isn't worth.

 

I feel if I could just get it off my chest and tell her how much of a lowlife she is, I'd feel better and would then be able to move on. I know it sound rather petty of me. I'm not looking for a response from her, I don't want to speak with her and yes, the thought of me sending an email, would possibly make her wonder why I invested time in sending the email or even thinking about it.

 

My main objective ios to just let her know what kind of person she is. I'm not all that concerned what she thinks about me. As I said, I'll write the email read it and leave it for a few days. I'll go back and read it again and if I still feel ther need to send it, there's a good chance I will.

 

Thanks for your response, I appreciate your feedback. I still have a bit of thinking to do.

[ncpd25]

I went through the process of writing my ex an email. It turned out to be fairly long as I wanted to make sure I said everything I needed to. I reviewed it, made a couple changes and the reread it again. Last night, I sent it off. I told her what I had found out about her and her lies about her divorce, what I thought of her actions, what I thought of her and how she has no integrity. I metioned to her that she lies to her friends (co-workers) and one woman that she sees as a Mother figure. I told her that being Christmas is right around the corner, she could ask Santa for some integrity, morals and values.

I kind of fought with myself with rspect to sending the email but, I decided it would free my mind and possibly gives me some closure. Unfortunately, the email account I used doesn't have a return receipt option, so I don't know if she opened it or not. I think I know her well enough that she would, in fact, read it. As I said before in this thread, I'm not looking for a respone from her, I just wanted her to know what kind of person she is. I'll admit, I'm slightly curious if she read it but not wrapped up in it to drive me crazy. As I said, I'm pretty confient she read it. I feel much better than I did before sending it.

Hopefully, it's onwards and upwards for me!!

 

Thanks everybody for your insight, opinions and thoughts!

[LexiB]

Good for you - hope this brings you the piece of mind you wanted.

 

Keep us posted on any response you get!

[norajane]

Great, you've released your roiling thoughts and sent them on their way.

 

Think of it as taking the huge albatross off your mind and shoulders and heaving it overboard, to sink deep into the ocean and laid to rest. Not your problem anymore - you are free and unburdened. Sail away and don't look back.

[alwayshurt]

I went through the process of writing my ex an email. It turned out to be fairly long as I wanted to make sure I said everything I needed to. I reviewed it, made a couple changes and the reread it again. Last night, I sent it off. I told her what I had found out about her and her lies about her divorce, what I thought of her actions, what I thought of her and how she has no integrity. I metioned to her that she lies to her friends (co-workers) and one woman that she sees as a Mother figure. I told her that being Christmas is right around the corner, she could ask Santa for some integrity, morals and values.

I kind of fought with myself with rspect to sending the email but, I decided it would free my mind and possibly gives me some closure. Unfortunately, the email account I used doesn't have a return receipt option, so I don't know if she opened it or not. I think I know her well enough that she would, in fact, read it. As I said before in this thread, I'm not looking for a respone from her, I just wanted her to know what kind of person she is. I'll admit, I'm slightly curious if she read it but not wrapped up in it to drive me crazy. As I said, I'm pretty confient she read it. I feel much better than I did before sending it.

Hopefully, it's onwards and upwards for me!!

 

Thanks everybody for your insight, opinions and thoughts!

 

If I may, you can be sure you won't get any answer from this email. Yes, she will definetely read it and have a big laugh. In a few days, when you won't see any reaction from her, you will probably feel the need to write her again (don't). This action of yours has already closed any door between you and her.

I truly hope that you really mean what you said, thus that you don't want anything to do with her anymore. But with all due respect, I don't think you are being sincere to yourself and to the audience on this board. I say this because you would never have thought to write something like that if you, your heart, didn't have the desire to somehow being with her again. Your action was purely a sort of revenge, hate, anger for what she did to you....feelings that are very close to love, or better said, triggered by love.

There are many ways to get revenge with somebody that has hurt you emotionally but, for personal experience, I can tell you that this is the wrongest one and definetely will fireback to you.

Patience and the power of waiting is the key "to win" (if there is anything to win at all) in this kind of situations because, no matter what, they always have to cross our path again. When that happens, I prefer to be that one who was in the good side, that one who behaved with dignity and integrity. Sorry to say, but you just lost that benefit and eventually she will use it as a tool to bring you down to her same level.

As I said, in the past I did something very similar....perhaps even worse. One year later and I am still regretting what I did. Friends of mine had advised me not to do it. I didn't want to listen and fired the accusations. Big mistake!

At this point, regardless her reaction, I will suggest to avoid any kind of interaction with this person. She won't consider you anymore, not even as a friend.

 

Take care.

[norajane]

There are many ways to get revenge with somebody that has hurt you emotionally but, for personal experience, I can tell you that this is the wrongest one and definetely will fireback to you.

 

I don't see how this is revenge. Is holding up a mirror to someone so they have to face themselves, and so they have to see how other people see them, revenge?

 

I don't accept that people who have been hurt by other people's lies should just shut up about it and let the liar go on their merry way without a word. Why shouldn't we express our anger and let them know we see through them and their lies? Why should they be doormats and let the liar walk all over them without a peep?

 

If we accept lies and liars, they'll just keep lying and we'll end up with ulcers for holding in all the hurt.

[ncpd25]

Hi All,

 

Thanks for the follow-ups. Yes, I did do it to release myself from the way I had been feeling. I feel much better and it's as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

I'm pretty sure one of the posts on here was dead on. Somebody deserves a prize.

First off, I received a response from the ex. I had her email address blocked. I should mention, her work email incorporates her last name, with her first initial. The only reason her email came through is because, she married her ex boyfriend, so she now has a different email address. That was the guy that had been cheating on her and lying to her all the time. She did nothing but complain about him when were together. It makes sense, What I thought was going to happen, did. Her divorce was finalized and she got remarried.

 

I have no idea what the heck she was doing with me and saying all those things she said, when all she did is turn and run back to the ex to marry him. Her response said that she NEVER lied to me. She said, she never told me she was divorced. I know for a fact, that she told me she was divorced. She also said, she has a very big heart and is a great person. Someone on here said, that she would probably never admit that she lied or she simply doesn't realize she's doing it.

I have absolutely no bad feelings that she married him. I have nothing to feel bad about. If she's happy, that's good. I had the opportunity to say my piece and I'm glad I did it. I never wanted her back. I knew that. There's no way, I would want to be with someone that deceitful and backhanded. Her response spoke volumes. She even lied in her response. It confirmed my thoughts and feelings about her and it bolstered my opinion of her and what kind of person she is.

 

As I said before, I realize it may have been a bit petty on my part. Many people speak of healing and doing things for themselves instead of the ex. I was floundering with my feelings, thought long and had about what to do and concluded I needed to confront her about her actions. I did and it gave me closure. I went out last night with a free mind and I have no regrets. I feel this way because I had the opportunity to place this stuff in front of her and let her know what I learned about her. She used me, lied to me and deceived me. Then walked away and got married a few weeks later. At least I had the opportunity to let her know what kind of person, she truly is. I'd be lying if I said, I never cared for her. Of course I did and yes, she hurt me. I didn't send the email to solicit a response from her. I had her email blocked and didn'tanticipate a response nor did I want one. Although, I cared about her my actions weren't done to try and win her back by no means. As I said, I'm glad, I sent it and I feel worlds better!!

 

I have no concern how she feels about what I wrote or what she thinks of me. It was all about me feeling better. I was able to see her true colors come shining through.

[ncpd25]

Here, Here Norajane!!!

 

I should say, her response clearly indicated that she was rather upset. She denied any wrong doing. When I mentioned to her about even lying to the woman at work that she sees as a "second Mom", her response to that was It's non of Gail's damn business if I'm divorced or not. She needs to worry about her own life. She always said she confided in Gail, even though she always complained about her behind her back. I never said to her that I spoke with gail, just that my ex told her, she has been divorced for 4 years. I honestly feel she was called out on the floor with her lies and she's uncertain what to say. She walked away, got married and figured- easy peasy, I got away with lying again. I'm confident, she didn't expect me to confront her or that I even knew. She's grasping at staws to justify herself

[ncpd25]

Not sure what she's doing but, she sent her first email and I ignored it. She ten sent a second one try to justify her actions again, saying she did nothing wrong. Fact of the matter is, she knows exactly what she did.........I think, then again, maybe not. Ignored that one as well and blocked her new email address. I thought I had already done that but, didn't. As I said before, I think she's either trying to convince me (and herself) that she's done nothing wrong. Doesn't matter though, her "cover" is blown!!

[norajane]

Looks like you hit a nerve. Too bad she can't take this as an opportunity to do a little self-reflection and consider what kind of person she's turned into and whether that's the kind of person she really wants to be. Instead, she's denying and justifying. Who knows, maybe one day, she will reflect, but not now.

 

Ah, well. Not your problem anymore!!

 

Good for you for blocking her new email!

[ncpd25]

I made sure, when I wrote the email, that I really got my point across. I wasn't calling her all sorts of names, but I was honest about what I thought of her. As I said, I'm not surprised she married her ex boyfriend. She just used me to pass time while she waited for her divorce to be finalized. Had I known, I never would have gone out with her.

She said in her second email that she's "extremely happy now". Personally, I think she's delusional!!

If her ex boyfriend lied and cheated on her in the past, it probably is just a matter of time before it happens again. She did nothing but talk smack about him when she was with me. I really don't think she has any idea want she wants in life or how to go about living her life. It was very theraputic for me to send that email, to say the least!!

[brothermartin]

I made sure, when I wrote the email, that I really got my point across. I wasn't calling her all sorts of names, but I was honest about what I thought of her. As I said, I'm not surprised she married her ex boyfriend. She just used me to pass time while she waited for her divorce to be finalized. Had I known, I never would have gone out with her.

She said in her second email that she's "extremely happy now". Personally, I think she's delusional!!

If her ex boyfriend lied and cheated on her in the past, it probably is just a matter of time before it happens again. She did nothing but talk smack about him when she was with me. I really don't think she has any idea want she wants in life or how to go about living her life. It was very theraputic for me to send that email, to say the least!!

 

Hey NCPD. I see you had more courage than me. Good for you dude! Let me know if she has anything to say back. Glad to see your not letting it keep you from speaking your mind!

[ncpd25]

Hey Brother,

I received the 2 replies back under her married name email address. After that, I blocked her new email. The way I see it, I had the opportunity to speak my piece and now I can move on. She claims she never lied to me. She and I both know that's not the case. I pinned it on her, she knows exactly what happened and she's trying to back pedal. It's not going to work but, you and I both know, she's not going to admit fault. It goes against human nature (in most cases) especially when you a lying piece of trash. She has to live with herself, not me. Not only that, but, I would bet money that her husband is going to cheat on her again, no doubt in my mind. She told me once that he was dating somebody behind her back but, he wasn't sleeping with her. if she's that stupid, she deserves whatever is handed to her. His wife divorced him for cheating as well. He'll never change..If by the chance of god, she finds some way to contat me (I hope not), I'll keep you posted. God knows, at this point, I'm free!! Thanks and I'll talk to you soon!!

Regards!!

[too old for this]

Sounds like her and the new hubby are a match.

[ncpd25]

Hi Too,

Yeah, you're not kidding. I told her in the email that she and her new husband belong together as they are two of a kind. Hey, as I said, if she's happy, good for her. As long as she's out of my life. I'm under the impression she really hated how, I confronted her about all of this. It's kind of pathetic how she denies any wrongdoing. I guess that's her mindset. Whatever, not my problem anymore......

Take care!!